I met Karl Magnuz recently while we were travelling through the same city. He seemed like a nice guy and we had a good conversation and so when he offered to send his book out to anyone for free for them to review I thought “what the hell; it gives me more content at least!” (Let that be a disclaimer: I did not have to pay for the book and have met Magnuz in person).
Here’s what I thought about it.
Face To Face Flirting (F2FF) is a guide to cold approach pick-up, starting with the “why?” and the “what?” before moving onto tips on how to make yourself more attractive as a man, what women really want, how to build a positive mindset and, of course, a model for talking to girls in the daytime. There is also a rough texting and dating model. It concludes with some discussion on what can happen beyond the lay. All good advice.
It’s a one-stop-shop for daytime cold approach, but at only 96 pages, I feel that in some cases it’s butter scraped over too much bread. It’s good advice: for example, I really like how Magnuz pays more attention than other beginners’ guides to proximity, touch and eye contact (non-verbals); but I always felt that the discussion of each topic didn’t go far enough and so one complaint I had throughout the book was that it didn’t go into enough detail on each topic. I understand that Magnuz chose to do that to make the book lighter on theory and to encourage beginners to avoid analysis paralysis and take action, but my preference would be for those sections to be removed entirely unless they were fully fleshed out.
It pains me to say it because I did enjoy Magnuz’s company and I like to say nice things about nice people. But I do also need to be entirely honest in my review. Let’s be fair here, though: this is Magnuz’s first book; if I could write Demolition Lovers again there would be a lot of things I would change. So let’s cut him some slack.
As a guide to cold approach, it’s decent but not exactly what I’d be looking for myself. Let me explain why I think that below.
My main issue with the book is that it doesn’t aim itself at a specific level i.e. beginner, lower intermediate or intermediate. The bright front cover which is bold and easily noticed, its title and the fact that Magnuz talks about some basic concepts such as “why cold approach is better than online dating” suggests that it is for absolute beginners. Don’t get me wrong, discussion on topics like that are appropriate for a beginner’s guide. I just want to stress my point here that I didn’t think the book was aimed properly.
Another example that springs to mind is:
“Why they had to call flirting in the daytime ‘Daygame’ I don’t know.”
In my opinion, this is the kind of thing you say to absolute beginners to normalise the concept of Daygame.
But if the book is for beginners, where’s the discussion on Approach Anxiety? This is the number one issue that they face. Yes chapter six does have a good discussion on having a positive mindset and I enjoyed the subsection on rejection – that it’s content free – but I feel that after reading the book the beginner is still going to be thinking to himself “how do I even get started with talking to girls?” He gets a basic model of conversation later on and yes, there is a mention of doing hit and run compliments to start with, but I think the book would, if it is designed for beginners, benefit from a designated chapter on AA and how to deal with it on a session by session basis.
I got the feeling, by the end of the book, that if I was a beginner then I would need to re-read the whole thing and make notes as I went through. What really helps beginners is to be extremely prescriptive: “just do this,” “just say this,” etc. and keep reminding them that it doesn’t matter how it goes, it’s the trying that counts as this stage. In other words, a book for beginners needs to mollycoddle their vibe because even just reading about the act of cold approach can make them nervous.
The next big issue for beginners is generating attraction, and the book suffers from the same issue: the advice on generating it is spread throughout the book and ought to be more prescriptive*.
* Please note I’m saying that beginners need prescriptive advice, and that’s only if they haven’t had much experience with women before. Those that do, don’t, and once you’re beyond the beginner stage you shouldn’t be as formulaic.
Lastly, even though there are many good pieces of advice in here – and I do want to stress that – they tend to be given in a sentence and then moved on from. I can see the dilemma: you don’t want to overload the beginner with too much information, but the way that a reader thinks is that the more time the author spends on a certain topic, and how much they stress its importance with the words themselves, the more important it is to the process described. I think a happy medium can be achieved when you begin the book by admitting that “this book is not exhaustive” and then going into more detail on fewer topics.
Here’s something I wrote in my notes just before I got to the chapter on the approach model:
So far I’m thinking “the book is decent.” He’s introduced a lot of important points but not spent a lot of time explaining them. A disclaimer of sorts would have been good for that, or maybe a list of books and topics for further reading at the end.
But now we’re getting into what most people will consider the most important part of the book: the technical instruction. It’s funny to me because I think everything that’s been said so far is probably just as important as the technical instruction.
Give a guy all the advice on cleaning up, fixing his mindsets and having a good vibe, and then give him this instruction: “go up to her, say hello and give her a compliment” will probably go a long, long way in improving his dating life. Even better, ask him to reflect on each session, what went wrong and what he could do to fix it.
But people overly fixate on “what do I say?” This is what holds them back from even trying in the first place. That’s why I really appreciated the paragraph on how children don’t feel bad about trying. They just do (things) and get better over time, naturally.
It reminds me of what I heard about dieting once: that the more you specify within a diet, the more people follow it e.g. slicing your apples one way versus another.
So, again, I want to stress, it’s not that the advice in this book is bad, it’s that the delivery could be improved. If the book was intended for beginners, which I believe it is, then it should have focused on certain topics and been more prescriptive; in my opinion, beginners need this because they need to outsource their confidence to someone/something else. Those prescriptions act as their training wheels.
Magnuz includes four sections on street approaching itself and he breaks down their appropriate level (I’m quoting from the book here):
- Approach fundamentals (for beginners)
- Approach and conversation toolkit (for intermediates)
- Steering the conversation: meta principles (for intermediates)
- Running diagnostics (for experienced intermediates)
So as we can see, there is content which he says is specifically for intermediates, but as I read it I thought to myself that the sections either lacked detail – the ones which were at the intermediate level such as applying a pre-approach filter – or were actually still for beginners. For example, in the diagnostics chapter for “experience intermediates” there are subsections such as how to fit in approaching with a full-time job, the spotlight effect and whether it’s okay to approach on university campuses. These topics are worth discussing – in a book for beginners – and so I hope I am getting my point across that the main issue is with the delivery of the book. My solution would be to create two books: one for beginners and one for intermediates. That way the reader can buy according to his level and Magnuz can include more detail on the intermediate sections without fear of analysis paralysis because the Daygamer will already have his approach routine down.
I can read F2FF as an advanced Daygamer and agree with what he’s saying – and on a few occasions I was thinking to myself “I really like what Magnuz is saying here” such as when he asks a philosophical question of “at what point does a girl reject a guy?” – but if I’d never heard of the particular topic then I wouldn’t have an inclination to follow up on it because its importance wasn’t stressed. It means that that subsection, or even just that sentence, is lost on both beginners and intermediates because they aren’t instructed, whether explicitly or implicitly, to take it seriously.
Overall, is it worth buying or not? It’s £11.10 on the UK Amazon store. I don’t think it is enough to truly get an absolute beginner off the mark and so if that describes you then you’ll need to supplement it with other content. However, I’m fairly sure that every beginner is doing said supplementation anyway… So the question becomes: will you spend that money and hope that it’s going to give you more knowledge than you already have? As far as lower intermediates and intermediates are concerned, those knowledge gaps will be smaller, so it’s a higher risk that it wouldn’t be worth it. But then again, what’s £11.10? There might be something or many things in there which could really help you out. Sorry I can’t give a definitive answer here but I genuinely can’t say “don’t buy it” nor can I say “you must buy it now!” You have to make the decision for yourself.
Yours unfaithfully,
Thomas Crown
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Thomas Crown PUA 
No such thing as generating attraction. The more you ‘try’ the less likely for any prexisting attraction to remain. Attraction is generated by your perceived smv in relation to her. Then the conversation just needs to flow smootly like water; without much heavy positive or negative moments, just smooth calm and ‘at one’ with the vibe
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I appreciate honest feedback. I agree with the notion that certain things can always be improved. However, let me explain my initial rationale for writing the book the way I did:
– The book is action-oriented (as TC mentioned). Regardless of experience level with women when opening the book, taking action must always be the main priority. You should be taking 90% action, and supplementing with 10% theory. Let’s face it, a lot of guys have this the other way around. A lot of guys will read the book for the first time, having already flirted (sub-optimally) with girls before. They may be a little shy, but very much ready to begin deliberately practicing the concepts in the book. I’ve had a lot of positive feedback from guys so far who have done so with success, and they’re getting a lot of value out of the book. However, these guys may not all be ‘hard case newbies’ – the demographic lens through which TC’s critique mainly looks through.
– If one reader has a case of generalized anxiety, and needs specific advice on the intricacies of overcoming the fear of saying hello and getting talking to a girl (‘AA’), then they should a. supplement by reading blogs and books about this (there is a treasure trove of free information available on the internet) & b. seek out coaching. I stress that b. should be prioritized over a. because tackling the issue head on is the only way to actually make progress for such ‘hard case newbies.’ A good coach will make sure that the student is able to overcome such a hurdle. Such a guy probably won’t be able to go at it alone if their generalized anxiety (whether clinical or not) is debilitating. In some cases, they may need to seek professional help from a psychologist while getting coaching. In extreme cases, they’ll need to reach a minimum baseline psychological health via a psychologist before they take action.
– I didn’t want to stress/emphasize the term ‘approach anxiety’ too much because it could give the term too much power. It may make someone who is just mildly nervous about talking to girls – but is excited to do so – start to expect to feel anxious. A bit like how reading about medical conditions online may make you start to think you have a condition that you don’t. I re-frame ‘anxiety.’ I give a detailed explanation as to why ‘rejection’ doesn’t exist – the ‘fear of rejection’ may be an underlying cause of ‘AA’ for many people. I’ve had very good feedback on my take on this. My rationale was that it would be more useful to highlight why rejection doesn’t exist, rather than write a diatribe on ‘AA.’
– I wrote the book as a highly concrete, step-by-step technical road map. Every stage, from saying hello (opening), to dating – and even relationship management – is covered. The latter is never discussed in most books. It’s glossed over with references to ‘photo-pinging’ the girls you wouldn’t mind meeting again… I wanted to go further than describing dating (which I give a thorough description of – if you implement the information, you’ll have successful dates). I wanted to encourage self-reflection. What do YOU want to get out of this?
– The book emphasizes the optimal ways of doing things, as I see it. It’s a strategical playbook that goes beyond just what to say: what should be communicated, rather than a line by line script.
– There is great value in knowing what is effective, from the start, rather than making unnecessary mistakes that could have been avoided. I refer to other useful books, to supplement ones knowledge as appropriate. For example, The Mystery Method is widely recognized as the gold standard in understanding female to male interest/attraction, the psychology behind it, and what this means you should do and say in practice. I’ve credited MM for concepts like cat-string theory.
– I’ve coined the term front-loading, which refers to doing the heavy lifting during the face to face interaction. I explain how this is linked to my minimalist texting style, and why it is so effective (who likes texting, anyway? I’d rather talk in person). I’ve gotten very good feedback on the chapters on texting. I explain my philosophy and techniques in ways I have not come across before. I believe this is one example of new perspectives that I bring.
– I explain how to truly know if a woman is worth pursuing, at different stages. I’ve coined the term decision nodes. As well as giving advice on how to act and what to say, I also explain how to read a woman’s responses, chemistry, developing empathy, and gut instinct. How to save time and be effective. The concept of decision nodes is also something new that I bring to the table.
– I’ve also injected my night game style into my daygame style, as is evident in my writing. I believe this sets the book apart from other books. A lot of daygame coaches have minimal experience with night game, whereas I started out doing more night game, and am effective. I believe I have some unique takes and advice, thanks to my background, as I am an advanced daygamer with said background. Think about how a Brazilian footballer who grew up playing street soccer in a favella has a unique skillset – compared to a contemporary who grew up being funneled through an academy with a standardized school of thought.
– I myself find books worth the buy if they have even ONE golden nugget of information that is different to other books. I’ve been told my book is such a book by readers (they have highlighted different areas, such as texting and night game techniques adjusted for the daytime).
– I explain creating a comfortable space and allowing a woman to step in (metaphorically). I explain the actual dance of flirtation and the crucial elements. It’s crucial for anyone, from beginner to intermediate, to truly grasp this mentally. I think many other books do not highlight the two-way, cause-and-effect dynamic enough. They’re almost all ‘what do I do?’, and not ‘how do I respond?’ or ‘what is she telling me?’
– I wrote the book with the belief that it’s important for beginners to know what comes next, which is why they can start with the book, and continue with the book (whilst staying action-oriented). I’m all about guys reaching their goals. We’re all in this to get the girl. Therefore, I believe it’s useful to have ‘intermediate knowledge’ included in the same book.
So, 10+ years of cold approach experience that draws on night game experience too. Distilled into a clear, action-oriented, strategical book. For this, I believe the price is EXTREMELY reasonable. It costs less than a G&T in Stockholm! Or half the price of club entrance (if you bought my book, you’d at least be trying the tried-and-tested plays out and they’d work well in the daytime or night time).
I do, however, also want to point out that the critique has made me think about how to guide a ‘hard case newbie’ via a book, in the best way possible. There’s sometimes a fine line between someone who will actually take action, and someone who will never take action regardless of how widely they read… Unless they get coaching… I do mention ‘hit and runs’ and other ‘mollycoddling’ techniques in the book, but I’ll think about how a future book could be expanded. I still think the book is a great start for ‘hard case newbies’ because they can supplement by reading other books and websites (I could reference more resources). My book will help them figure out which parts of the process they’re getting hung up on. For example, if they try doing front stops for two weeks with no success, they’ll have a good basis for seeking coaching.
Well known encyclopedias of knowledge in the ‘daygame’ space retail at around 99 US dollars (!). That’s A LOT of money, and a clueless ‘hard core newbie’ will struggle to makes sense of the dense information. To me, for a ‘hard case newbie,’ that money would have been better spent on coaching. But for less than the price of a drink (my book), you can’t really go wrong. Even if you just read the opening chapters, you’d find out about: SMV, image, grooming, fashion, archetypes, how to find daygame wingmen, where to find women you’re into, how to identify higher probability women… that’s before you’ve even learned how to open and actually flirt. That, alone, is worth the price of the book. In my – humble – opinion. 😉
– Karl Magnuz
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