How To Overcome Approach Anxiety

I recently released a podcast on Approach Anxiety (link here) and thought it would be best to have a post alongside it as a kind-of cheat sheet.

General Points

The Daygame Muscle

Just like going to the gym and growing your physical muscles, you also have a Daygame Muscle. Each set on the street is like doing a rep in the gym. If you keep on getting your sets/reps in, then the muscle grows. The thing is, that growth isn’t readily apparent. You have to trust the process is working while out on the street as much as you do in the gym. So even if you think that you’re getting nowhere, you have to push onwards.

AA Doesn’t Stop Once You Approach

The most obvious form of AA is the invisible wall which holds you back from approaching in the first place. However, it goes much further than that. While suffering from AA your adrenaline will be racing and you won’t be able to calm down while in-set. This nervousness will cloud your charisma and make you miss signals the girl is sending out. This is just a reminder that AA is a battle which will go on for a long time until you feel natural talking to girls in the street.

Better To Do Something Badly Than Not At All

Everything counts for the first 200 approaches, even asking for the time or directions (as long as it’s from a girl). Remember that your first 200 approaches are simply there for you to start managing your AA, not to find your future wife. Your mission is to simply get in front of 200 girls and start trying to implement the model as best you can.

Get A Wing At Your Level/Hire An Approach Coach

As the old saying goes: “a wing halves your AA.” You can encourage each other to approach and hold each other accountable. If you can’t find a wing in your area/don’t know anyone yet, then consider hiring an approach coach. I recommend setting up a Twitter account and engaging with the community there and seeing who would be up for it. It’s a win/win.


Use any and all of these mindsets to help you bring down your AA to manageable levels. If one of these resonates with you then latch onto it and milk it dry.

  • Call to mind people who have overcome AA before you. If they did it, then so can you
  • Everybody gets a little bit of AA even if they are an advanced Daygamer. They may only feel it as slight trepidation or general lethargy before the first set but it’s still there.
  • It’s normal to have AA and having a little can work in your favour because it makes you appear more natural i.e. you have a slight nervous authenticity. Only Daygame robots have zero AA.
  • Understand that your AA is merely a chemical somewhere in your body. Imagine capturing that chemical in your hands and throwing it away, or putting it on the shoulders of an authority figure for them to look after.
  • Talking to a woman is a natural thing to do. Men do it all the time. Everywhere.
  • This is a no harm, no foul proposition. Live and let live.
  • Call to mind all those guys who have it worse than you. You could leave the house, maybe they couldn’t even do that. Maybe you can do a hit and run and they can’t. There’s always a King of Kong but you’re also always a King of Kong to someone else.
  • Worse than having AA is the shame we feel for having the AA in the first place. Remember that feeling anxiety is a natural thing before a man approaches, and that women feel it too before sex.
  • Imagine yourself as part of a group of guys collectively battling the AA blob
  • Understand that someone’s negative reaction could be down to anything: discomfort at the weather, on her period, drama in her life, etc, and not necessarily because of something you did.
  • Our minds tend to focus on the negative, no matter how small, and miss the positive. Maybe you got a blowout, but you still put yourself on the line. That’s another rep for your Daygame Muscle.
  • Try to observe any negativity as if you were a scientist and detach from it

Step-By-Step Infield Guide

  1. LMR-bust yourself: don’t tell yourself “okay I need to go out and do my sets now.” Instead take it one step at a time. First tell yourself you have to brush your teeth. Then put your shoes on. Then your jacket. Then walk to the train station… Give yourself as many small steps as you need so you get moving toward your goal.
  2. Once you’re out on the street, just start walking. Not too fast. Not too slow.
  3. Try to get the first set done as quickly as possible. It can be “just a six.” It doesn’t matter. Remember that doing the first set will lift a lot of your dread for approaching.
  4. Try to walk the same Daygame route every time you go out. This will put you at ease in the environment.
  5. Manage your negative self-talk. If you think something negative, then immediately flip it around inside your head (Credit: Rami).
  6. Build up to a full approach. Start by asking for directions from anyone. Then ask from a girl. Then give a hit and run compliment. Then add an observation. Then try to have a short conversation. Then try closing if the conversation went well. Build up over time.
  7. Take as many warm-ups as you need as long as you’re trying to do a little bit more each time.
  8. If you have very strong AA that day, try asking for directions/the time five times in quick succession
  9. When you see the set you want to do, move straight towards her. Just start walking. Imagine how you have to commit to crossing the road when the traffic light is still green.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

If you enjoyed this post and want to support the blog then please consider buying one of my books or hiring me for coaching. Follow me on Twitter for daily updates. Click on the links below to find out more.

> Buy the best of Thomas Crown

> Buy my memoir

> Buy my textbook

> Hire me for coaching: coaching calls and infield coaching available

> Follow me on Twitter