In September I put out a podcast called “How Do You Build A Pre-Approach Filter” and promised to bring out a long-form blog post which went through all the ideas.
I highly recommend you read Daygame Infinite by Nick Krauser and Primal Seduction 2nd Edition by Steve Jabba with Nick Krauser as these were the books which helped me to develop my own pre-approach strategy/filter. Infinite will give you all the things you can look out for when trying to select sets in an effective way (especially Step Two and Four below) and Primal gives you information on pinging for IOI’s and how to react to them (relevant for Step Three below).
Note: I’d also like to recommend a couple of my own posts on the subject on the r/K-selected, status/experience driven matrix (link one and two) which will help you with identifying your behavioural archetype and how to spot a girl’s.
What I thought was missing, though, was a step-by-step guide on how to actually develop your pre-approach strategy. I think that it’s great to know what to look for and how to ping girls and gauge their reactions but I can imagine a guy asking “where do I start?” I hope that with this post along with the podcast I can help you on the way. I recommend that you add each step in and build up your strategy over time.
Yes, unfortunately, this all has to start at the logical level but I hope that by slowly building your strategy it will become part of your muscle memory/go on autopilot/become part of your emotional response to certain stimuli. Then you will be able to notice “all the little signals that women constantly send out” and be able to act on them instinctively.
Note: I’ve used “filter” and “strategy” somewhat interchangeably throughout this post because they’re both part of “everything that happens before you approach her.”
Another Note: pre-approach strategies are for solid intermediates and up and not for lower intermediates and beginners. It’s a bit like driving a car in that you need to learn the basics such as changing gears, indicating and the rules of the road before you can do all those things and at the same time talk to a passenger and change the radio station. That’s why, for example, I haven’t included multiple disclaimers throughout this post to say that if this puts you too much inside your head and causes you to lose awareness and presence that you shouldn’t be doing it. Nor that it should form the basis of any weasel.
What A Pre-Approach Strategy Is And Isn’t
I wanted to start with this section because there’s a lot of misinformation out there on the subject. Let me make clear what a pre-approach strategy/filter is not:
- It is not “just look for Yes girls…”
- It is not “only approach off of IOI’s…”
- It is not “only approach girls who you’re better looking than…”
- It is not “only for guys who are really good looking…”
- It is not “stay within your comfort zone…”
… And it never was. These are all strawman arguments and are downright false.
Using a pre-approach strategy means playing the percentages and trying to tilt the odds towards your favour. It’s a question of “given I have finite time, energy and vibe, should I approach Girl A or Girl B?” And even if you choose to approach Girl B when Girl A was giving you more signal, at least you go in knowing the probabilities.
One thing I want to really stress is that having a pre-approach strategy does not stop you from approaching any particular girl. You can imagine that you have two tracks running at the same time: track one means making smart decisions on which girls to approach (the pre-approach filtered girls); track two are the pie-in-the-sky approaches that you want to do “just to see what happens,” if a girl is especially good looking or to particularly challenge yourself.
Here’s a football analogy to sum everything up: to win the league you’ve got to have great players and great tactics. The top teams of today don’t just try and smash 40 yard screamers into the top corner with every chance they get. Every now and then they do score goals like that but most of them are smartly worked. Using a pre-approach strategy means having great tactics.
Step One: Start By Eliminating The No Girls
The easiest place to start developing your pre-approach skills is to greatly reduce the number of approaches you do on No girls. I know it’s impossible to say for sure whether a girl will love you or hate you before you start talking to her but this is where we try to make educated guesses. Otherwise, what are you going to do? Yes, there’s always a chance that she might like you even if all the signs are saying that she won’t: does that mean you should approach every single girl you see who meets your baseline attraction? Of course not; we have that pesky constraint of finite time, energy and vibe after all.
This is the point where we can make Daygame less of a grind: by avoiding those hits to our time, energy and vibe and not approaching those girls who we think are clear “No’s.” (Again, let me be clear, you are entitled to approach any girl you like; just go in knowing the probabilities). Let’s say that currently you go out and approach 10 girls in a session. I’m guessing that five of those are blowouts. By not doing, say, four out of five of those blowouts – we’ll never be perfect predictors after all – you can save yourself for the girls you actually have a chance with.
Let’s get this out of the way before someone brings it up: of course you can’t tell whether a girl has a boyfriend and is not willing to cheat on him before she tells you. When I’m talking about No girls I’m referring to those who are either logistically unavailable at that exact point in time or else are likely to have low interest in you and so are likely to be No girls.
Logistical No girls might appear to be rushing from point A to point B or talking on the phone; of course you always have a chance with her but the odds are against you. She might like you if you approached her on another day or even simply at another time but right now it’s unlikely to work out; approaching her now will probably come off as rude and annoying and show that you lack social savvy and empathy. Better to save yourself for other potential girls and you might even see that girl again when she’s more logistical available.
Low interest in girls will most likely come from two reasons; firstly, a strong archetype mismatch. Please have a read of the two posts I linked in the introduction for more information. It’s with these girls that it’s okay to say “that kind of girl doesn’t usually like me” because she may only sleep with guys inside her subculture/ecosystem or those who share her mindset on life; for example, an internally referenced guy approaching an externally referenced girl. I’ve actually had quite a few guys tell me in person that hearing that was freeing for them. I think that’s because of how much Game is marketed as “get any girl” or at least in the way that the guru never says “no.” Of course, it’s not impossible to get a girl with whom you have a strong archetype mismatch, it’s just unlikely.
The second, and I’m sorry to have to say it, is from a large differential in looks. Game is supposed to be the bridge that gaps the looks between the man and the woman but it can only stretch so far. Please read my post on the potential quality you can expect to get from Daygame (link here). One particular issue to look out for is approaching girls who are taller than you. The primary need a woman has is physical protection and so if you are shorter than her you will need to be spectacular in so many other areas or else be very, very lucky. Again, and I’m reiterating this point here for the haters: if you want to approach her then go for it, but you at least go in knowing the probabilities.
Steps Two to Four go into detail on girls who are more likely to be interested in you but let me go ahead slightly and say that if a girl gives me an IOI (see Step Three) then I will approach her even if I think she’s a logistical No girl or if I think that kind of girl or girls of her archetype usually aren’t interested in me.
Step Two: Focus On Girls Who Show An Interest In Being Picked Up
It’s likely that you’re practising this step already; after all, haven’t we all heard that the best potential Daygame set is a “dreamy tourist” or else simply to approach girls who are walking slowly? These are just two examples of girls who are indicating to the world that they have some interest – sometimes consciously, sometimes subconsciously – in meeting a guy.
Here are five ways you can tell as to whether a girl might have an interest in meeting a guy (this list is not exhaustive):
- The speed of her walk
- How she walks
- Whether she’s a “flower in bloom”
- Ask yourself “what is she advertising?”
- Is she showing emotion or flat affect?
This is where I want to stress the power that subconscious desire has on our actions. Take being on a diet, for example: those people who are, will, without noticing, eat more food by selecting a slightly larger piece of meat or adding more sauce to their meals. Similarly, when women want something to happen to them they will open themselves up to the world. Just listen to the advice that women give other women (and beta males) when they ask what to do to meet someone: “get out there,” “be yourself,” “be open to conversation if a guy talks to you” and “see what happens.”
The speed of her walk: if she’s walking slowly or at least slower relative to everyone else then it’s more likely that she has time to talk to you and is looking for something to happen to her. Since women are the passive sex in seduction their active role is much more covert: this might simply be to put herself in the mix and make herself look approachable. (This is also why a direct opener isn’t really required as an intermediate and beyond because you already convey masculine intent without having to openly state it and so in just talking to a girl you’re testing her availability).
How she walks: do her hips move from side to side indicating that she’s horny or in a way that attracts attention?
Whether she’s a “flower in bloom:” this is an analogy I use with students: when a flower wants to pollinate it blooms and tries to attract the bees; the same with women. If she’s walking around and doesn’t look like she wants to be noticed then she probably doesn’t. Her feeling about herself on the day will translate into how she thinks she looks; if she doesn’t think she’s sexy then how can she believe your approach was made in good faith? But if she looked in the mirror that morning and told herself “I look good today” then the narrative of the approach makes sense to her. Just note that she doesn’t need to be wearing bright colours to be “in bloom;” you can simply look to see if she’s making an effort with what she’s wearing or not.
Ask yourself “what is she advertising?:” a woman is always advertising something, even if it is not readily apparent. It might be obvious in that she is dressed up and ready for a nightclub in which case she’s advertising herself in a certain way and expects to get a lot of male attention that evening. Alternatively, she might be wearing drab sportswear and look like she’s going to the gym and doesn’t want to be noticed. Or maybe she’s wearing a lot of make-up and gym clothes which says the opposite! Or she might be a very plain Jane in which case she might be advertising “I am a normal girl who would make a normal and dependable girlfriend.” My recommendation here is to look at a girl and ask yourself what is she trying to say with what she wears and if that is conducive to seduction. Remember that a woman’s clothes, make-up and hair style are part of the outward expression of who she is and how she’s feeling today.
Is she showing emotion or flat affect?: you should be looking out for the kind of facial expression a woman has: is it impish? Mischievous? Happy? Bored? Or does she show no emotion and has flat affect? Usually the girls with emotion on their face are better candidates for seduction. Those with flat affect want to be off the street as quickly as possible and are concentrating on the mundane elements of life.
Step Three: Focus On The Girls Who Show A Direct Interest In You (Pinging For IOI’s)
This is the section which is all about pinging for IOI’s but first I need to make two things clear:
1) women can see the traits that they find attractive in men. Yes, women are less driven by looks than men but they can still see everything they find attractive: his masculinity, manliness, dominance, confidence, charisma, vibe, etc, etc (as well as his looks, muscularity, height and style, of course). All of these things are observable in the way a man behaves, his eye contact and his facial expression i.e. subcomms and non-verbals.
2) You can get IOI’s even if you’re not very good looking and even small glances mean way more than you probably think they do. Remember that eye contact is a key way for women to show covert interest so you should read into what they’re doing with their eyes! Not only that but women know that men interpret eye contact as a come-on and so won’t give it out willy-nilly.
First what you should do is watch who is walking towards you with soft focus i.e. not scanning intently between each person but instead simply being aware of who’s coming towards you. Jabba calls this “The Net.” Then once an attractive girl is five to ten metres away make soft but confident eye contact with her and watch for her reaction; let a smile reach your eyes as well. You can look for one of these IOI’s:
- Double take: she looks at you, then away, then back
- She stares at you or you catch her eye for longer than regular random eye contact
- Sly-OI*: she quickly glances at you as you pass each other (Krauser came up with the name for this I believe)
- She looks then looks away and starts scratching her neck, playing with her hair, fiddling, etc.
- She looks then looks away as if you’ve caught her looking
* You should be acting on any IOI’s you get but I really recommend you act upon this type because it is most likely done subconsciously. I’ve had girls do this before and then afterwards not remember doing it (or potentially they won’t admit they did it). I wanted to highlight this type of IOI because it’s tempting to think that a small glance doesn’t mean anything but it really does. Just go and investigate and see for yourself!
I recommend this process of eye contact and pinging for IOI’s all the time and not just during your sessions; how many IOI’s have you missed because you simply weren’t looking for them? By being aware of IOI’s as you go about your day you can create those truly spontaneous moments that girls fantasise about.
You should also work on drawing more looks to you – passively pinging for more IOI’s – by building what Krauser calls “Street Presence,” i.e. turning the volume up on those traits which women can see and find attractive:
- Polarise your archetype (of course not to a ridiculous extent but you should be peacocking at least a bit)
- Add more confidence to your mannerisms e.g. every now and then click your fingers, clap your hands, bob your head and have a cool walk, etc. (again not to a ridiculous extent; don’t act like a clown but do show that you have an underlying confidence) (this is covered in full in Infinite)
- Once you’re more experienced try to interact with girls as they’re looking at you, for example by pointing at them, softly smiling or even winking (this is covered by Jabba in his videos on forcing IOI’s*)
* As I said in the podcast, I’m on the fence as to whether to call this “forcing” or “pinging” for IOI’s because you can’t force anyone to like you but in acting confidently and being able to spot and act on signals you do make yourself appear more attractive. It’s a toss-up. I’ll keep calling it “pinging” myself.
Over time you can work on understanding what is a true IOI and what was simply polite eye contact that anyone would make as they look around. As someone who has always looked different to other people I’ve got to know when to see that the fire is truly in a girl’s eyes and when she is simply glancing at me without content.
You’ll also start to see how sets go when she doesn’t acknowledge or even seem to be aware of your presence at all; of course these sets can go somewhere but I strongly believe that if she had at least a little interest in you she would at least glance at you briefly.
Step Four: Focus On The Girls Who Might Have A Direct Interest In You
This is the section on girls who you either can’t work an IOI from or else can’t see you: we’re looking for girls who, based on your history, might be interested in you.
- Start by thinking about the girls you’ve laid from Daygame and any near misses; any patterns between these girls are stronger indicators that a girl might be into you.
- Now think about the girls you dated and kissed but nothing ever happened; patterns between these girls give you weaker indicators of who might be into you.
Think about the different traits of these girls and what they share.
Note: I don’t recommend you go all the way back to “good sets” or even dates where you didn’t kiss them. I think that if a trait has power then eventually it would show itself amongst your lays, near misses and stronger dates. If I had a penny for every time a guy said “I always do well with girls who do X/from Y/etc” and yet had never slept with any of them…
Here’s a non-exhaustive list of potential traits you can look out for:
- Tall vs short
- Brunette vs blonde vs ginger
- Dyed or natural hair (if dyed, which colour)
- Straight vs curly hair
- Neatly kept hair vs bushy and wild
- Big eyes vs small eyes
- Nose slightly turned up, level or down
- Tan vs pale skin
- Curvy vs slim
- Lots of make-up vs natural
- Narrow waist vs straight waist
- Big boobs vs small boobs
- Alternative vs mainstream clothing
- Colour of clothing and how vivid it is
- Nationality/race/ethnicity
By trying to see the patterns between the girls that you do well with you can start to focus your approaches on them. Of course, she doesn’t have to hit every single one of the traits, far from it, but maybe look out for girls who have three of them and test out your hypothesis. You’ll find that certain traits have more power than others.
Conclusion
As I alluded to earlier in this post, you should read into how a woman looks and what she does and what it says about her; there’s so much meaning in those things. Everything about her stems from her genetics, her upbringing and her life history and it is broadcasted for all the world to see; you only have to look for it. By learning how to spot the patterns of the girls who most likely won’t like you and those who will, you can take the grind out of Daygame and turn it into a near-pure positive experience. Not only that but you will be able to carry higher conviction into your sets based on assurances that it’s gone well with those kinds of girls in the past.
Lastly: everything in Daygame is better if you nailed the previous stage. Texting is much easier if you did a good Daygame set. A Daygame set is much easier if you nail the first 30 seconds (the stop and the opener). A Daygame set and the first 30 seconds is much easier if you nail the pre-approach.
Yours unfaithfully,
Thomas Crown
P.S. Any girl who fails Steps Two to Four i.e. she doesn’t seem to show an interest in being picked up, a direct interest in you or a potential interest in you based on an historical pattern is most likely a probably low interest No girl who can be eliminated (Step One).
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Thomas Crown PUA 