Bait and Switch?

This post is based off of a two hour phone conversation I had yesterday with a friend. The joys of working from home! I have to go back to the office in October and so I’ll soon get an opportunity to write another post entitled “how to maximise your skiving off at work.”Until then, I get to have long interesting conversations during the daytime.

So as the title of this post suggests, we ended up talking about “bait and switch,” the idea that you bait a girl in with the promise of being her boyfriend and then pump and dump and ghost her afterwards. Most people agree that that’s quite shady stuff.

We got onto the topic because I was telling him about how I had, over time, become fed up with losing girls because of my impatience. I always remember one striking example: I was on a date with a girl and she seemed really into me, but what was different about this one was that she couldn’t drink because she had been made to take some antibiotics. I still took her to my usual venues, and after the second drink – and her second soft drink – I wasn’t sure whether to pull home or not. By this point, we had already heavily seeded a second date where she would be able to drink. But I decided to try and pull home anyway – the rush of throwing the dice and seeing if she would come inside was too great – and as we got to my front door I saw the light leave her eyes.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and from that point onwards – it happened in late 2019 – I’ve been determined to be less impatient. It’s a slow process but I’m getting there. My pie-in-the-sky aim is to be able to lay any girl who comes on a date and is interested and available, but of course in the real world you have to contend with luck as well.

Part of that process is to move slower and include a few more pushes e.g. not to go for the date request on the same day as getting her number, not escalating much over the first drink, letting her go after the first date and not trying to pull her home, etc. I’d gone too far into the idea that if a girl likes you, then you don’t need to wave the magic Game-wand and can progress in a straightforward manner. I was missing out on a few small pushes which crystallises the idea in her mind that you’re a player, rather than just thirsty. Sure if she’s a very-on Yes girl then the above can go out the window to some degree.

One analogy I like to give while coaching is that Game is a bit like a table with a cloth and glasses on top of it. It’s the solid table that keeps everything supported, but you wouldn’t want to eat at a table without the cloth. I’d been trying to get the girl to sit down but without the cloth. In my opinion that’s a lot of the reason why we call it a “game:” we’re trying to show interest in the girl and know that she’s interested in us (the table; objective reality) but try to say it all in the subtext (the cloth); the game part of Game, then, is to show you that you’re hungry and not thirsty (credit to my friend for that phrase).

Based on talking about the above, a few questions were raised: if you’re slowing things down aren’t you running K-selected Game? What’s the point in the leather jacket and chains and stuff if you’re not going to try and gun it for the lay each time? Does that mean you’re doing a bait and switch? I tentatively responded by saying that it wasn’t K-selected Game and was more like “slow R-selected Game,” if that makes sense. That some girls will bang on the first, second or third date, but that some will even consider a third date as being “naughty.” An example I gave was a lay I got from 2017 where the girl had only ever slept with boyfriends before me, and had made them wait for up to a year before having sex. For her the second date lay was way out of character.

The problem is that there is always going to be a bait and switch element to any lay, even if you are very r-selected in your style and actions. In my opinion the chance of a relationship happening is part of what helps the lay across the finishing line; it depresses her potential ASD, even if you know that there is absolutely 0% chance of the relationship happening. It’s a harder sell to bang a girl if she knows you’re leaving at the end of the week, for example, with no immediate plans to return. And so if you’re Daygaming in your home city then you don’t even have the excuse that you won’t even be there much longer and so you’re explicitly showing that you wanted sex and nothing more.

This is just another example of a game with incomplete information. The girl plays the game not knowing whether you’ll commit after sex. You play the game not knowing if she’s going to put out. Both parties play their cards close to their chest so as not to scare the other one off.

Part of all the r-selected stuff, in my opinion, therefore, is a defence mechanism. Deep down we all want more lays but also don’t want to feel the awkwardness of trying to ghost on a girl after sex if we don’t want a relationship. We don’t want to feel guilty for a bait and switch and so we send out “r-selected signals” in full knowledge that the potential relationship is one of the reasons the lay goes ahead. That way when we ghost after sex we can say “well I sent out the signals” in the same way that if a girl ghosts on a guy before sex she can blame anything he didn’t during the seduction as having been the wrong move.

So to cut a long story short: going a bit slow, throwing in a few more pushes, don’t want to feel guilty but do want to pump and dump, hire me coaching, buy my books, etc.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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