I recently left this comment on Social Parkour’s blog regarding 10s:
A 10 is a who makes you question your r-selected strategy 😉
I got to thinking about that comment, and wanted to write a post expanding upon the point.
In my time as a Daygamer I’ve dated one girl who I would consider my 10, or at least my version of a 10 right now because I’m sure that this can change over time: all the standard aspects of attraction, but in particular, very tall, eye-fucking such that words weren’t required, and a big, warm smile. Over two dates I couldn’t break down her LMR, once at Crown Plaza and the other time at the door of her AirBNB apartment (she was in London for two weeks for an internship and had wealthy parents). She was 17 as well, so that added even more desire on my part to get the lay. If she had been staying in London for longer or living here, I would have definitely gone out on “proper” dates with her even post-lay, which is something I very, very rarely do.
But it was the big, warm smile that clinched it for me; the way that made me feel rather than any standards of beauty which all men unanimously agree upon. The sensation of being at peace and interacting with someone without agenda. That’s what I was alluding to in the comment that I wrote. In fact, for all attraction, it only exists inside you. Your body tells you that she is attractive, rather than her sending out some sort of laser beams which forcefully stimulate your boner.
A girl who you consider to be your 10 is the type of girl who awakens your latent Madonna/Whore complex. You start to think to yourself that she wouldn’t have sex on the first date, that you will need extra dates to sleep with her, and that you’ll need to take her on fun post-lay dates to keep her around. That flies in the face of all the data I’ve gathered in the past year: that every girl wants to be moved fast as long as it is done well, and that post-lay the power reversal is universal. Reading back the last paragraph, it’s quite clear that everyone has their own agenda, whether it is conscious or not.
All of this leads me to say that the concept of 10s is very damaging. It’s been said a lot of times before by various sources that “a 10 is just a girl you don’t think you can get”. By identifying someone as your 10, you’re immediately lowering your self-esteem and reverting to your old ways, thinking that k-selected gestures of affection will carry the day.
So I see the practical advice here of being to wipe “10s” out of your dictionary. Just imagine that you’re Stalin, erasing his enemies from photographs as if they never existed. Eventually, by this process, your body will follow your mind and cease to consider such girls in what is actually a harmful way.