On Sunday I went on a first date with a Russian girl named Eva who I had closed mid-week. She was a proper gothic looking girl in all black and a streak of blue in her otherwise pitch black hair. I was a bit confused in set, because she talked like there was no tomorrow as if she hadn’t had a conversation for days (not stealing the frame though, I still directed her back to the matter at hand). I wasn’t sure how it was going to go until two things happened:
- She told me her Dad had left her mum when she was six, and she had never seen him since (jackpot!)
- She was gesticulating and flicked my hand with hers… then she did it again
I had everything I needed at the point so I closed.
We met on Sunday night and I thought it was going to be a regular evening date, but she said she hadn’t had any sleep the previous night and so would be going home after the first venue. Hmmmm… This might be a timewaster. Maybe she’s just here to kick the tires…
We sat down in the Sacred Cafe, I had a beer and she had a coconut water; hmmmmmm… Not good.
She’d just moved to London one week previously and it looked as if she was fleeing Italy (where she had been brought up since she was six) because of a bad break-up. Eva was also into her philosophy and seemed to be going through an existential crisis. For better or worse, I think I made her confront the abyss.
Let me explain: I am a very taciturn listener and am very good at MAKING PEOPLE TALK (!). I visualise conversations as a kind of ball of energy which you can run your hands over. Someone says something and the ball grows larger. Then you feel it all around, and see where your fingers can dig in. Often times I’ll start sentences without knowing what the question will be; I trust that my fingers will dig into something and I then ask them to expand.
Back to the abyss: I didn’t let her go too far in, but I could see that she went dangerously close. When I thought she was going too far I dragged her back with a spike. Historically, I’ve done very well with girls who are confused with the essence of life because they see me as a rock who isn’t shaken by the deeper questions. In a sense I slowly gain value in these girls’ eyes because I’m not dodging the issue and I’m not scared either.
The funny thing is that we began with some silly comfort fluff about dogs, and Eva said she didn’t like huskies because they stared you down with their blue eyes. She said it made her feel awkward. Well then, I thought to myself, you are on a date with the wrong guy then!
I still did some escalation too: some verbal (what do you like in guys, what do you like about me, what’s the dream), and when I complimented her she smiled and accepted it graciously. I did a little bit of physical as well (looking at the ring she was wearing). In the latter case, she was initially hesitant but offered her hand and laid it in mine while I looked at it. Certainly not a red light but nowhere near a green.
I said I would meet her again and that next time, we would both have a drink, but she said she’s staying away from all alcohol (and I suspect drugs as well) for the time being. I guess she’s still getting over whatever drove her to come to London. Let’s see if she responds to my ping tomorrow.