I recently went out to all of my coaching clients to ask them for questions for a Q&A (yet another long term benefit to hiring me for coaching!). There was a strong response and I have enough questions for at least two posts on the matter. Today I want to answer some of the questions that I get asked very frequently. These are some of the topics which just keep on coming up, and so I will try and go deeper into why I think that is. Let’s get started.
No Fap/semen retention: do you believe it makes a difference in enhancing motivation to approach?
Yes, but I can’t confirm why exactly. Some evidence shows that not masturbating leads to increases in drive/testosterone, whereas others would that masturbating/sex leads to increases in drive/testosterone. Not masturbating may give you a burst of energy, perhaps because you feel frustrated, or perhaps because you believe that you’re acting in service of some higher goal. But I doubt that just because you forewent masturbating that the heavens will open and you will get all that your heart desires. No Fap is not the golden key (nothing is). And always remember the plural of anecdotes is not data. Just because you read some reports of success online doesn’t mean they are a) true, or b), representative of the population.
I personally think the main benefit from No Fap is that you stop watching porn. Porn is the big baddie here and the main problem is that what you watch inflates over time. I’d definitely recommend stopping watching porn, and beginning with a 30 day no-masturbating trial period. Once that period is up you can masturbate again, but just don’t watch porn. That should set you on the right path to finding normal women/situations/practices arousing again.
What made you successful at the beginning ?
There is so much to go into here, and I could reference any number of things such as nationality, looks, height, education, personality traits, etc. But I understand this question to be asking for the most important factor in making me successful at the beginning. I would say that it would be that I put in a genuine, determined effort to get better, and did not mind getting things wrong or looking stupid. As I’ve said before, “it’s better to do something badly than not at all.” This carries over to most things in life: if you want to find the optimal point, then all you have to do is start at the lowest level, and then slowly increase/improve whatever you’re doing aka progressive overload. You wouldn’t go into the gym thinking you could lift a tonne of weight on your first day. Instead you start off with the lowest weight you can handle, and then you slowly, methodically and consistently increase that weight. Daygame is no different (but let’s hope the “weight” doesn’t increase!). In practical terms that means increasing your number of sets up to 25-30 per week, recording yourself and analysing it, getting your wing to critique your body language, and increasing your SMV. To get better you have to make a concerted effort to get better.
Further to this point, you are going to have to be willing to change many things about yourself, and commit to this self-improvement program for years, if not the rest of your life. If you are to succeed in Game then you are going to have to be in the top 20% of men, whether that’s temporarily – meaning you’d get hot girls on your day – or permanently. Put simply, everything about yourself is probably going to need to get better.
What is the most overlooked area of daygame?
I know that there are “looks-maxxing” communities out there, but within the Daygame community, I think that looks are the most overlooked area. In Daygame your looks are going to form the foundation of your SMV. Let’s say you’re a 5/10 – a completely average looking guy – well then you are going to be looking mostly towards Game to get sixes and perhaps one day sevens. But in this community, the focus always goes towards new techniques, rather than also working on being an attractive man regardless of Game.
I think there are a few reasons why this area is intentionally overlooked:
- If you are a physically unattractive man (4/10), then you should be aiming at fives, and no one wants to hear that. The truth is that the fuck-ladder is real and you can’t fuck the top tier of women if the lower tiers wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot stick.
- Accepting that you are bad-looking hits very close to home. Many guys are very insecure about their looks.
- Losing weight and building muscle is hard. It sounds much easier just to throw a leather jacket over your regular clothes and say “you look French.”
- Some guys feel spite towards naturals, who tend to be tall and good looking. They want to learn Game and say “looks don’t matter” to spite them.
In practice, you should get down to 15% bodyfat, at least as a trial, and practice a gym routine where you’re hitting each body part twice a week, for 10-20 hard sets total per body part per week. And dress with a little bit of spice, but not too much.
Have you ever been tempted by online dating?
I used Tinder for a few months in 2016 and banged a few sixes and one seven. I found the whole experience to be unsatisfying and so do not ever intend on going back. OLD can seem tempting but once you’ve got laid through Daygame, you will probably find the online “experience” to be lacking in some way.
There’s, of course, the often noted drop in quality from OLD; I personally think there’s more to me than four to six pictures and a one line quip, which means that selling myself based purely on those lines means selling myself short. Not to mention the fact that a girl’s app will be full of guys just like you, meaning there’s a more direct way for her to manage the competition. There’s also the fact that by cold approaching, you show value by simply doing it, as well as presenting multiple streams of SMV.
The problem with OLD is the same problem which always-go-for-the-SDL and I-don’t-like-texting has: it’s trying to skip a stage of the seduction, and when you try to skip a stage, you filter way harder. OLD tries to skip the approach stage. Always-go-for-the-SDL tries to skip the texting/intermission stage in its entirety, and I-don’t-like-texting tries to shorten it drastically. Now just imagine what would happen if a guy tried to skip the dating stage, and just invited girls over to his house. Bringing this back to my first paragraph, it is tempting to many, but there will always be a trade-off.
I think the number is always the best but it feels as though nowadays having a good Instagram is almost a necessity. Should you close with both or just focus on the number?
Just focus on the number as it is a more direct form of messaging. But if she refuses to give you her number then exchange Instagrams as a concession. Just recognise that it means she has much lower interest. There is also a special case whereby I would exchange Instagrams if the girl is in a committed relationship right now, but I could tell that she had high interest in me. That gives her a low investment way to remember me and get back in touch if she breaks up with him.
Here’s an easy rule to follow regarding what to put on your profile: don’t try to have a great Instagram, just have a not-shit Instagram. Go ahead and find a few pictures – or take new ones – based of a few subjects:
- Sports and hobbies
- You with friends
- Meals and drinks
- Pictures of you
Smartphones cameras are really good these days and you can add a few filters/effects to increase the sharpness. And that’s it, it is no more complicated than that. At the end of the day, it’s just another messaging app. Remember that if you’re Daygaming, then she’s going to primarily judge you on your SMV during the set, rather than what she sees afterwards on your Instagram.
How often do you treat boyfriend objections as real and not shit tests?
99.99% of the time I take the boyfriend to be real, and end the set. The question I always ask myself is: “if she had a boyfriend but wanted to sleep with me, then why mention him?” Yes, she could mention a boyfriend as a challenge – a shit test – to see if I would push through it, but I figure that she would rather keep quiet about his existence so as not to deter me. You can also just feel if the boyfriend is real by her not allowing proximity and not contributing much to the conversation. Furthermore, you can tell from the way that someone speaks whether it’s a challenge or not. In that case you can feel the undercurrent of interest in the set, and her having a boyfriend is said in a certain way. In those cases, I might try and push through it, or offer Instagram as I mentioned above.
Now, I understand that some beginners/lower intermediates may want to follow the “always be closing” mantra and try to push through these objections. It’s really up to them. But just know that when she mentions a boyfriend it’s highly likely to be because she is politely rejecting you or actually has one and is not going to cheat on him. It might be hard to accept, and goes against some “harsh Red Pill truths,” but not every girl is a raging slut who will act on her hypergamy at the drop of a hat.
How often do you turn a girl into a regular plate after a lay?
Never. I’m not interested.
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2 thoughts on “Q&A Part 1”
Now by golly Thomas my boy! An insightful read