Recently I’ve been ‘working on my Inner Game’. That’s right. I’ve realised that this is the next frontier in my Game and this is where the growth is going to come from; as a person as well as for results. There will be a longer post on this process in the future but for now I want to look into my first point of interest: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
We all know narcissism is one of the dark triad traits, along with Machiavellianism and psychopathy, and we also know that dark triad traits are attractive to women. So when any budding Daygamer begins their journey they look to increase these traits. The issue comes when they’re further along down the path and come to a point where they’re not faking it much anymore, they’ve actually made it.
At that point they need to ease off on the dark triad traits and start to become more like a normal person, which should lead to them being happier, someone who is more accepting of themselves, their own strengths and weaknesses, and one who is better at empathising; these are all factors which will increase their success with women, rather than just by creating a new false idealised self. I think that this is particularly important for Daygamers because there’s no alcohol, no flashing lights, no music and no nightclub self-selection bias which can hide their personality. Accepting one’s own personality leads to a massive reduction in AA.
Note that I’m not recommending a regression to the beta state. I think instead that someone should just reduce their dark triad traits down to the optimal point for happiness (of which Game plays a part) rather than maximising them.
I feel that I’ve made it to this point and should now look inward, primarily. In particular I want to find out why I find it hard for me to be interested in other people. The process of getting to know someone, for me, has always seemed pointless, and I’m usually standoff-ish when meeting new people. It’s not that I want to become an extrovert, it’s that I want to find some sort of utility in getting to know someone. Ostensibly this is to improve my Game but the long term benefit will be (I hope) greater happiness.
Now I don’t think that many Daygamers would actually be diagnosed with NPD by a clinician, but here are the nine criteria that it’s judged by. NPD is diagnosed in people who show extreme levels of narcissism, but just look think about how applicable these are to Game:
- Grandiose sense of self importance
- Preoccupation with power & status
- Convinced of being special or unique
- Need for excessive admiration
- Sense of entitlement
- Exploitation & manipulation
- Lack of empathy
- Envious or preoccupied with being envied
- Arrogance & contempt
I think that the key problem these factors create is impatience. Sets are rushed because the Daygamer is simply waiting for the number close or to invite her for an idate. Remember that each moment of success is a chance for him to show himself as superior to others through his stats. Then on a date the Daygamer pulls too hard because he feels entitled to the first date lay, all with a girl who found him genuinely attractive and would have had no qualms about going through with it on a second date.
Essentially the Daygamer creates a false idealised self whereby he is the hypergamous ideal to every woman on earth. Under that hypothesis she should be jumping his bones at the first possible opportunity. So when that doesn’t work out then what? He shuts down and pushes her away because of his lack of empathy towards her (he can’t comprehend how she doesn’t want to be pulled so hard) and his contempt for her for not complying. It also exposes his low self-esteem because it makes him question his real value. Now, a pull and a push should count as good Game but it doesn’t when the pull is completely unreasonable. The girl just thinks you’re a weirdo. In this stylised example the player’s narcissism is negatively affecting his results.
I repeat, I don’t think it’s good for a guy to eradicate his narcissism. In fact, some of it is required for survival; it’s a part of a healthy psychology. I think the aim is to incrementally reduce it and watch the girls’ reactions until you hit a sweet spot where your results are maximised. ‘The girl is your mirror’ and ‘Game is just the self-development industry in disguise’ and all that; the benefit we have is that we have a yardstick to see if it’s working: the girls.
I think that just being aware of the issue is the first problem (admitting is the first step). I’ve been working through this channel’s videos on NPD and have been keeping an eye out for when I’m guilty of expressing the criteria, with an initial aim to empathise more with people and try to focus on other people rather than myself. The great thing is that this can be practiced in any conversation. In terms of Daygame specifically I’m approaching with a more laid back attitude; more presenting myself as I am rather than trying to impress. As I mentioned earlier it works wonders for AA; there’s a kind of freedom in the powerlessness of ‘what more could I do,’ and that attitude feeds into a good vibe. Lastly I have and will be setting up my first dates in central London so as to discourage myself from going for the first date bounce back (if she’s gagging for it I will offer though). I’m tired of having girls interested in me but never going through with it because I pulled too hard. Ironically I have the opposite problem to most guys: over-escalating. Going for and getting second dates will be a good sign that I’m being more patient and am offering more comfort. Through putting this kind of restriction on myself I can hopefully reinforce the good behaviour over time.