How To Calibrate On The r/K, Status/Experience Driven Matrix

Please read the previous post in this series so you can see what I mean by different girls within this matrix, what they look like and how they act.

For ease of access I’ve copied in the summary of each type from the previous post:

• Status driven: externally referenced i.e. she sees her value as stemming from her association with other things/people which are themselves considered high status
• Experience driven: internally referenced i.e. she sees her value as stemming from herself: her experiences and who she is
• r-selected: “coolness” motivated i.e. she sees value as stemming from intangible assets
• K-selected: resources motivated i.e. she sees value as stemming from tangible assets

BEHAVIOURAL ARCHETYPES

Throughout this post I will use the phrase “position on the matrix” (r/K-selected, status/experience driven matrix) and “archetype” interchangeably. In this case I’m not only talking about her archetype in the sense of her looking like a rocker, a party girl, a nerd, a career woman, etc: I’m talking about her behavioural archetype. I think it’s really helpful to think in this way because what she wears is just one part of her expression of who she is. In my experience, the true theme that links the girls I’ve slept with from Daygame is an alternative mindset/approach to life, and being able to spot her behavioural archetype – at an advanced level – comes from observing her movements and facial expression. With that being said, clothes are a great place to begin your calibration of her behavioural archetype.

You can see this for yourself: ask yourself how often you see a K-selected girl wearing a chain on her jeans or an experience driven girl wearing a neat pantsuit? Unlike Daygamers, women have no issues with congruency, and even when acting outside of their comfort zone, they still personalise their outfits to adhere to who they feel that they are. For example: when a K-selected girl wants to be a bit rebellious she might put a clean leather jacket over her regular clothes; when an experience driven girl goes to work in an office she still wears a muted floral dress over tights and black boots. My main point here is to encourage you to read into what girls are wearing because it lets us know a lot about them and how they feel about themselves.

Now you need to think about where you yourself sit in this matrix because you will do the best with girls who sit closer to you. Looks-relative, the further you move away from your position the harder it will be to get those girls. Taking my own Daygame lays: I would label 87% as being experience driven and 13% as status driven and 56% as r-selected and 44% as K-selected. My data suggests that I’m strongly experience driven (internally referenced) and sit on the fence between being r and K selected. This makes sense to me anecdotally: I consider myself highly internally referenced and tend to do well with girls who have a naughty side under a somewhat normal exterior; conversely I find “extremely good” girls (heavy K-selects) dull and judge the tattooed and pierced r-selects as having made terrible life choices and being generally disorganised… and they probably don’t like me either!

r/K,S/E	%
r-selected, status	11%
r-selected, experience	45%
K-selected, status	2%
K-selected, experience	42%

I recommend you do the same exercise for your own Daygame lays and place them into one of the four boxes. Of course, most girls won’t fit neatly into one box but just do the best you can to work out where they would go. From there you can tell where you sit inside that matrix.

Most Daygamers will find that they are making an experience driven offering with a mixture of r and K-selection. This makes sense to me: Daygame is the form of pick-up which works best for guys who are attracted to the Sigma male archetype; one where you aren’t as reliant on external markers of value and find competing on the status totem pole tedious. For a long time, and somewhat still to this day, Daygame is marketed as “going up to a girl with just the t-shirt on your back and a pair of balls between your legs;” no wonder it attracts a certain kind of guy.

However, there are some great Daygamers out there, including ones I know well, who do have a high status offering, largely due to them working in high paid jobs, and have more of an externally referenced mindset. Girls can tell they have higher status not just due to their style, quality of clothing and the brand names they wear, but also from what they choose to talk about and their life experiences. Unsurprisingly, they do much better than me and the average Daygamer with the K-selected, status driven girls.

A key point I want to highlight here, and it will be revisited later on in the section on calibration tweaks, is that women can smell your behavioural archetype from a mile away, just as, once you train yourself to do it, you can smell theirs.

When it comes to getting girls to move away from their own position – because this is what we’re interested in if we want to maximise our lays – I think it’s easier to get a girl to cross the r/K boundary than it is to get her to cross the status/experience boundary. This is just my theory but I think the reason why it’s easier to get a girl to cross the r/K boundary is because of how strong our form of referencing impacts our views i.e. how much internal versus external referencing shapes us.

When I see people competing for status I think to myself “they’re wasting their lives. It’s all circular logic anyway.” Status driven behaviour reminds me of the guys in my old job competing for promotions and incremental salary improvements while simultaneously losing all respect for themselves as men. But that’s just my perspective, and my guess is that status driven people look at experience driven people with a similar amount of bewilderment and disgust, thinking that we’re fretting our lives away for something so ephemeral as “memories and experiences” or “good feelz.”

But when it comes to r/K behaviour I can understand more that someone would want to have a mixture of experiences. That they would like to settle down in the long run but would like to have a few adventures while they’re younger. After all, if you ate Michelin star food every day you would start to crave a greasy burger or pizza eventually. At the end of the day people want both pleasure and happiness in their lives and mixing together both r and K experiences provides that. Of course, the same holds that people are a mixture of internally and externally referenced (status and experience driven) but I don’t think people cross over as often as they do on r/K.

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR ME

I know that my offering is highly experience driven and strays on the border of r and K selection. That means I can do well with experience driven girls and depending on different fashion choices I’ll do better or worse with the r and K girls.

For example, these changes will increase the K-selection and decrease the r-selection in my look:

• if I wear my hair up in a man-bun than if I wear it in a half ponytail
• if I wear a shirt rather than a t-shirt
• if I wear a wool overcoat rather than a leather jacket

My task is to find the balance between these two ways of projecting myself so that I have maximum appeal and can optimise my results inside my target market. I recently made a few changes such as shaving off my beard and wearing shirts more often; my guess is that that made me more appealing to the K selected girls because I have a cleaner look. However, I am still internally referenced and provide an r-selected offering because of how I run my sets. Overall, I think it’s been better for my Daygame because now I have more appeal to the K-girls without sacrificing much on the r side.

As autumn comes I’ll be wearing my leather jacket more often – more r-selection – but when winter rolls around, I’ll wear a cardigan under that leather jacket or swap to a wool overcoat: more K-selection. I can feel the differences this makes to my sets, partly in what girls I attract, but moreso in what questions they ask me: I’ve always found that the more K-selected I dress the more girls are interested in asking me about what I do for work. And I’m not making that up, they really do ask more about my job. Knowing about how girls will react to me based on what I wear allows me to better appreciate what’s going on with my Daygame at that point in time. In my opinion one of the worst places to be in is to see Daygame as a black box where you’re putting the sets in (the input) and getting the text responses out (the output) and not knowing what’s going on inside the box.

When it comes to status driven girls: with the K-selects I know that I’ll be relying on a slice of luck in finding one who’s amenable to me. I’ll be using my pre-approach filter to look for signs of horniness or a desire for adventure, or else one who likes me specifically – for whatever reason – and gives me an IOI. I’ll be doing the same with the r-selected, status driven girls but I can also do okay in the cases where I fit in with her chosen aesthetic; as leather jacket weather rolls in I should find more opportunities. But here’s the shocking truth: if I don’t see a signal and/or I don’t fit in with her aesthetic then I won’t approach them. Even if I think they’re attractive! And I’m okay with it.

This is the point where I’ve allowed myself to say that I “just don’t do well with those kinds of girls.” You too; you have my permission to say it. If your (well meaning) wing says “what about her?” then it’s fine to simply let her walk past. By foregoing approaching those girls you can save your vibe for sets which you do know will go somewhere and you won’t need to stomach a bunch of blowouts and/or poor reactions.

In my experience I’ve found this very helpful – this labelling – because it lets you put into words the feeling you have of seeing a girl and thinking “she’s attractive but I just know it won’t go anywhere with her.” It allows you to start absolving yourself of the guilt of not approaching every attractive girl that you see.

I’m sure someone will be ready to level the accusation of “that’s weaselling” but I assure you, it’s not weaselling. Predictably, the “you’re weaselling” levellers will have some reason why they wouldn’t approach the girl they pointed out so at least I’m being honest and saying it’s because I know I won’t do well with them.

There are so many attractive women in the world that you must have a strategy for sifting through them if you want to stay sane. As an experiment, try approaching every single girl you see of approachable quality for a week and see where it gets you. My guess is that you’ll come back having done 100s of sets and with very little, if anything, to show for it, and a deep feeling that you have even less control over your dating life than you used to have. At a certain point you have to introduce some sort of filter and be confident enough to say that you know what’s best for you. Again I want you to know that it’s okay for you to admit that “it won’t go anywhere with her.”

Plus, even those guys who say they don’t filter do indeed have one. I have never met a guy without a filter because at the end of the day we all have a type, and our types are heavily based on “which girls have liked us in the past?” You only need to see how the “I don’t have a type” guys consistently go for a certain type of girl (and no, “hot” is not a type; we all go for girls we find attractive).

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU

The point of this post is not to tell you to “stay in your lane” and only approach certain girls; you’re free to approach whoever you like. The point of this post is to highlight how different girls have different desires and that if you want to attract these girls on an industrial scale then you need to have the thing they want. Otherwise you’re relying on extreme cases of luck and a lot of grinding. I can give you some tweaks to improve your odds but those are only tweaks.

Don’t let the internet grifters and Twitter “you can do it!” accounts pull the wool over your eyes. This can happen in a wide range of ways, from the obvious conmen peddling “jedi mind tricks” and systems to “get any girl,” through to the “you just need tighter Game,” “you just need to believe you’re the baddest mf in town” and “you just have to love women and be authentic” bros. Those accounts are so tempting to believe because they keep you in a permanent state of inertia: they give you no motivation to change as a person and tell you “you can be anything you want to be.” The most insidious of these guys are simply the ones that never say “no.” They’re petrified of calling a spade a spade and placing any limitations on the powers of Game because it would remind them of their own shortcomings.

The harsh reality is that there are no mind tricks, nor can you get any girl. And that even with the tightest Game in the world, the most ambitious mantras and barrels of love and authenticity you will only get so far. Get a guy on his own and they will all admit that’s true, but once he’s in the public square then he’ll engage in the typical Red Pill virtue signalling and state that the above factors are all one needs to “get any girl.”

So let me be clear: if you aren’t making a similar offering to what these girls want, you’re fighting a steep uphill battle. Steep probably isn’t even strong enough a word… It’s more like things will be orders of magnitude harder. Think in the realms of 5-10 times your usual approach:lay. Probably more.

So why is it good to know this stuff then? Why not live on in ignorance and blindly tell yourself you can get any girl as long as your current affirmations say it’s so? First, if you know the probabilities aren’t in your favour when approaching certain girls you can let yourself off if it doesn’t go the way you want. Second, you can see why certain wings of yours do well with some girls and not with others, and the same for yourself, which will help with your Inner Game and an acceptance of your results. Third, you can concentrate your sets on those archetypes of girls who you usually do well with.

CALIBRATION TWEAKS

Please remember that these are tweaks which you can make, in the moment, to give yourself a slightly better chance with the girl in question. However, if you want to make a long run change in the kind of girls you attract then you will need to make bigger changes, such as changing your style to something more r or K selected and living a life more congruent with those behaviours. Some changes might not be possible to make, either, such as moving from experience driven (internally referenced) to status driven (externally referenced); I don’t know if that’s even possible.

Drilling this point down even further, let’s ask ourselves this: if you’re a feminine man but want to attract feminine women, then is it enough to simply “act masculine” in the moment and still lay industrial quantities of feminine women? Of course not. Quite soon, within the seduction process, you’re going to be found out. Yes, you may eventually luck your way into a lay with those girls, but that’s a highly, highly inefficient way of doing things. Instead, you would work on becoming that masculine man who feminine women want. What you do will only get you so far; instead, you should prioritise who you are. Now apply that same thinking to the r/K, status/experience matrix.

If you like here’s one more analogy, being on one side of the matrix and trying to get a girl on the other side is like trying to sell an iPhone to a lifelong Android user and vice versa.

My main point with this post is to encourage you to identify where you exist in the matrix and to focus on the girls near where you sit. The best advice I can offer, besides actually changing who you are and what you offer, are small tweaks at best:

(these are all written from the perspective of the average experience driven Daygamer)

For r-selected, status driven girls

To do well with these girls you need to appeal primarily to her aesthetic and attitudinal preferences: how would you fit in to her pictures and with her friends? Are you high status within her ecosystem?

With these girls I would emphasise the “power” side of my charisma and open more dominantly. I’d keep my opener neutral – probably something which catches her ear as it vaguely refers to her being high status within her ecosystem – and qualify her throughout the set.

Being more dominant with these girls means playing a high risk, high reward game where you step in close, poke your finger in her face and act highly cocky. Tease her for her pretensions. That can follow into your texting where you would make jokes which would more likely be accompanied by the smirk and sunglasses emojis. When you ask her out you should assume the sale. Make it seem, almost, that you’re doing her a favour by going out with her.

You should focus on approaching girls who’s aesthetic you fit since the status part of these girls archetype is in relation to her ecosystem; in fact, that’s really the best thing you can do with them and far outweighs any benefits you would get from the above behavioural tweaks. For example, a jacked, hypermasculine guy would do well with the gym rat girls; a tall, slim guy in a leather jacket might do well with the Asian girl from the previous post.

For r-selected, experience driven girls

R-selected experience driven girls often love the idea of being picked up on the street (this is a Daygamer’s bread and butter). You won’t need to make any adjustments here though of course you will still need to be a competent Daygamer.

For K-selected, experience driven girls

To do well with these kinds of girls you’ll need to show her that you have some boyfriend potential; that you’re a “diamond in the rough;” or at least that you’re the acceptable kind of dangerous she can feel comfortable having a fling with. With these kinds of girls you should emphasise the warmth of your charisma and while texting you should promote warm and playful energy. This should come from a general demeanour of a lust for life.

For K-selected, status driven girls

If you’re the average Daygamer then you’re probably not going to do well with these girls as they are on the complete end of the spectrum (pun intended) to you. Ultimately you’re looking for a big slice of luck to do well with these girls.

I can’t make any good recommendations for in-the-moment tweaks because my dataset is too small for them, apart from learning how to apply a pre-approach filter and look for horniness, desire for adventure or a specific interest in you.

If anything, if this is really the kind of girl you want, my recommendation is that you’re better off changing your offering entirely: get a high paying job, climb the status totem pole and dress like how their boyfriends always do

CONCLUSION

Sounds quite depressing and deterministic, right? I can understand that, but once you stop banging your head against a brick wall (approaching girls far outside of your own position on the matrix) then you’ll suddenly realise how nice it is to live without a bloody skull. You can still, of course, approach any girl you like, but at least now you can accept the probabilities as they truly are.

One last question someone might have: “won’t it be a self fulfilling prophecy? If I think it won’t go well with those girls, won’t it definitely be that way?” Well, yes, but also, that’s fine. This isn’t some theory I’ve pulled out of my arse: I can see it applies to every Daygamer I’ve ever met. I have literally never met a Daygamer who consistently lays girls on the opposite end of his behavioural archetype. And so instead, let’s use it to our advantage. When we go into sets with girls outside our archetype, we have a better appreciation of how it will go, plus we can save ourselves throwing ourselves under a number of buses, and when we approach closer to our own positions in the matrix we can go in with a positive expectation of how it will go.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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