Social vs Sexual Hook Point

A while ago I put out my regular tweet asking for post ideas, and Mr Tabernack (no idea where that name comes from) responded.

Let’s start with how I define social hook points. To me that means the girl is willing to give you some time, but it says nothing for her interest (the conversations have that mushy, sludgy quality to them, or alternatively the girl is chirpy but talks pure comfort and doesn’t have the right kind of eye contact). If you achieve sexual hook point, then she’s sexually interested, and you can tell that by any number of standard IOIs, but in particular, good eye contact, proximity and allowing your small kino attempts.

In reality, I think, sexual comes with social hook point 99% of the time. That is, if you get sexual hook point then you’ve got social as well. I think that these terms were introduced, simply, to explain to guys why they were having polite, dull conversations that never ended up going anywhere. That is because it’s easy, in contrast, to get a social without a sexual hook point. Typically these conversations are happening at quite a distance – greater than an arm’s lengths away – and the girl will not be contributing much to the conversation. If you want to imagine it from your own POV, imagine you get approached by a charity person or homeless guy, and you find yourself trapped, but they won’t take the hint to leave you alone.

So how do those guys get more sexual hook points? The bad news is, it’s not going to be easy. You’re going to have to change things about yourself that you probably would rather not, and you’re going to have to get rejected more. You’ll also need to change your mindset from a beginner to an intermediate one. For a beginner, just getting a conversation going (social hook) is a success. However, if you’re an intermediate, and your aim is to get laid, then getting a social hook point with no sexual hook counts as failing. It sounds harsh but those conversations are, essentially, a waste of your time.

The problem is that if you’re an unremarkable guy, then you need a remarkable approach to get a girl interested, especially in a city like London. You must have a “wow factor.” I’m lucky in that I’m very tall and have ginger hair, so I immediately stand out. In contrast, a guy who was average height and looks will need to spice himself up in ways I don’t. Now, I do polarise anyway, it’s just that the average guy will need to do so even more. This is done, primarily, by being more dominant in your approaches.

For that kind of guy, I would recommend putting a lot of thought and effort into the “first ten seconds.” I remember Torero talking about giving the girl “a blast of energy” when you open. In those first ten seconds, the girl will scan your value like a barcode and will make her mind up on how far you’ll get. Perhaps she doesn’t know it herself yet, but the decision is made. This is another harsh truth, and no amount of PUA wizardry will get a girl into bed if “she just doesn’t feel it,” and this decision is made near instantaneously.

In particular, to improve those first ten seconds, I would recommend:

• Making very strong and direct eye contact ASAP (meaning, as you come abreast of her)
• Open body language, so it’s clear you’re not hiding behind anything
• The blast of energy, by increasing the volume of your voice and adding emphasis and enthusiasm
• Taking a small step closer to her once she’s stopped (proximity is one of the best IOIs)
• Adding some accessories to your outfit to introduce a little more “wow factor” and make you stand out from the herd. This will add to the narrative in her mind that you’re the kind of guy who does these sorts of things.

Have a read of the stop section in Daygame Mastery for more info, but I’d especially recommend these things to create a strong, instant, visual and visceral impact.

Then once you’ve started to talk, don’t forget to tease! This happens to me if I’m coming back from a break and am rusty: I go compliment and then stack, forget to tease, and it creates nice-guy Daygame with no edge. The effect is of constant pull. It assumes too much interest in the girl off the bat. The tease doesn’t have to be something wacky or super-smart, just something out of the ordinary.

I hope that helps for guys who are getting lots of social, but few sexual, hook points. I think it boils down to one important thing: changing your mindset from a beginner one to an intermediate one. You’re no longer going to get congratulated for doing basic things.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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