Arousal/Attraction, Dirty Talk, Creating Demand, and Logical/Emotional Decisions

You’ve got to make her want to fuck you.

Quite an obvious observation but one that didn’t click with me until May/June. I’ve seen Torero mention the attraction/arousal dichotomy and Krauser talk about dirty talking girls for ages but I’ve never actually thought about it much, and it increases the dimensions of a girl’s thoughts.

Something I’ve been doing on my dates for the last few months is, after the kiss, getting into the Questions Game and asking the following:

“So what do you really find attractive? I’m not talking about that tall, dark and handsome cliche. I mean what turns you on?”

Probably she’ll umm and ahh, not knowing how deep she wants to delve into her wanton desires, and so I’ll take the frame forward and start giving examples by whispering them into her ear. I’ll say all these things in the kind of voice which says “I bet you love XYZ you filthy slut/whore/bitch”. In a way, you have to sound like a professional pervert.

“Do you like it when guys pull your hair a little, like this?” and as I’m saying that I’ll reach up and pull a little bit of her hair.

She’ll probably agree, and say “uhuh”; the best reaction is when she takes a sharp intake of breath. I’ll continue:

“How about when a guy kisses your neck and bites your ear?” Maybe this time I’ll draw my finger over her neck. At each stage I’ll be trying to (within reason) re-enact what I’m talking about to make the picture clearer in her mind.

“How about when a guy bites on your pink nipples?” I’ll pull a fingertip down her chest but I won’t directly grope her boobs in a bar. Colours are good, too, to add… colour… to her imagination.

“How about when a guy pushes you down into the bed like this?” and I’ll push my thumb down into her hip.

“What about when a guy puts his hand around your neck and then slaps you across the face?” For this one I might place my fingertips and thumb on her chest, just above her boobs.

You can see what’s going on here: she’s in the killzone and I’m making her think about sex. At every question she’ll be agreeing, or at least replying with “ooh I bet that does feel good” comments. For example, #51 was the kind of “I don’t normally do these things” girls who wanted to have her sexual adventure. She won’t be able to think about anything else and she’ll completely mong out. To finish I’ll make out with her to transfer all those sexual thoughts onto myself, rather than “a guy”, and put her hand on top of my dick. Then fractionate. Look away and into the bar. Pull her into you so she’s cuddled up against you but don’t try and continue the conversation. For more fractionation, I could finish off those questions by asking her:

“And do you like it when a guy does all those things…” long pause for dramatic effect, “and then eats a pizza and goes to sleep?” (credit Mastery long game section for this).

She has to be ready for it for it to work so you’ll at least need a make out first for it to be appropriate. But it’s introduced something which I haven’t done before: create demand for sex. Once all that is done then she’ll want to have sex with me to fulfil her own desires.

Then I asked myself: how can I create that demand earlier in the seduction? If I can get her thinking about sex with me as quickly as possible then I’ll get more compliance, less dates to nowhere, and less sets to nowhere to boot. I backwards induced the question and ended with “eyes”, which is exactly what (I suppose) Torero is on about with “tiger eyes”. I’ve heard him use the term a brazillion times before but it never really clicked with me. If you can project this sexual vibe from the start, then she’ll immediately start to fantasise about having sex with you.

Then my mind turned to: but I don’t really project that “naughty” vibe. It’s not my style. And anyway, that twinkly eyed bollocks isn’t going to get her rubbing one out thinking of you. Luckily, I had a conversation with a long-time regular last night which helped me to solve my problem:

“A lot of guys approach me in the street and I’m immediately like yeh no,” she told me, indicating a blowout.

“Okay so what made you feel differently about me?” I inquired.

“Well you’ve had a sexy vibe.”

“How so?”

“You were very dominant.” She’d told me before that on the day I approached her she’d masturbated over me that night.

That’s the answer: you get in front of her, you command her to stop, you lock eyes as soon as possible, you expect compliance. Don’t apologies for your approach, even if it’s just a preamble or to get her attention. Don’t tell her how random the whole thing is or ask her if you can say something cheeky. Whether you’re using a compliment or a simple observation (e.g. #53: “I love how tall you are.”), if you’re doing the above then she knows you’re hitting on her. If she ever questions you’re intentions (e.g. “sorry, what do you want?”) then it’s either a test or, more likely, she’s indicating to you that you weren’t good enough.

The point is that you’re hitting on her, not trying to make it seem serendipitous or romantic; you’re not trying to convince her of the magic of fate, and how it made your paths intertwine. You both know the deal and it means comfort is at a minimum; more an exchange of soundbites to tick the “get to know each other” checkbox. Because of this, your sets will be relatively short: four to five minutes. The thing is, even if you’re running a model based more of rapport and comfort, where you bait her to invest, you’ll still have to get her aroused at some point to pull the trigger; this is just moving that process closer to when you open her.

For me, being dominant is my natural state of being; I expect people to follow my lead. I think it’s a lot easier to achieve compared to being in a flirtatious and fun sexual vibe. So in a way I’m filtering for submissive girls. For them to click into my jigsaw piece they will eventually have to hand over the frame to me, and from that first moment they’ll know whether they’re up for it or not.

Sometimes your approach will fall flat (No girls). I like how in Fearless, Relentless Escalation 60 says you have to “risk being creepy”. Well in this case, you have to “risk being serious”. Some girls just won’t go for it. Others will, and it will set off the arousal ladder. I’ve had a few lays comment that the thing they liked about me was that I was “quite serious” (for example, #38 said this to me). While I’m on that note, if a girl says she likes my eyes then I also know I’m onto a winner. They’re very beady and so I interpret this to mean she enjoys what I do with them (for example, #45).

The dominance makes her think about sex at a deep level before anything’s been said, and it builds from there. By texting you move quickly towards the date request and she sees that you’re the real deal. Then over a coffee or the first drink, you’re the immovable object; while the conversation seems quaint she’s bubbling in her own juices. Then you amp things up, confirm mutual attraction over the kiss, and set about dirty talking her to get her heated up. It’s an arousal ladder all the way. Perhaps the best way to describe is: act in a way that gets her masturbating over you the night after you meet her.

If she’s only attracted, then she’ll think to herself: I guess I could have sex with him.

Attraction is confirmed and then is only something that can be lost. Her perception of you is having higher SMV and so she ticks that “attracted” checkbox. Once she’s attracted to you, you join the long list of potential suitors she already has. And if she’s only attracted to you, then you’ll have to be her hypergamous ideal for her to want to have sex with you just off the bat. Otherwise, in most cases, you’re looking at a slog where you have to prove yourself better than the rest.

Now, add arousal to the equation and she thinks: I want to have sex with him.

Arousal is the secret sauce to pump your way up the queue and into being her best option.

Altogether, this made me think about logical and emotional choices when it comes to sex. I know that you can’t separate arousal and attraction as cleanly as I’ve done, but here goes again: attraction represents the logical desire to have sex, arousal represents the emotional desire to have sex. Having both shifts the girl into being a Yes girl.

Think back to a time in your life where you wanted a new video game, piece of clothing, or any other product. In your head you knew the right thing to do would be to shop around, compare the alternatives on a value for money basis, and then make an informed decision. But then there was another alternative which was available right now, or perhaps there was an alternative which was just out of your price range. You wanted it but knew that on some level you shouldn’t buy it. But then you said “screw it” to your logical qualms and satisfied your impulse. The emotional forces driving the impulse are what we want to instigate. The parallels to lover/provider should be obvious.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown