Many guys will get into Game because they want to develop transferable skills and to improve themself as a man. “It’s not about the girls,” they admonish, “it’s about self-development.” Then the flywheel spins: improve yourself to get more girls which encourages you to improve yourself and so on.
I don’t think you can separate one from the other. The girls are your yardstick for success in your self-improvement efforts. I wrote a post two years ago talking about how women always end up being your “mission” in life. To summarise, if you’re focusing on your mission to end up with more girls down the line, women are still your mission. It’s just a trick we play on ourselves to make us less outcome dependent.
A long time ago (in order to get more girls) I started to force myself into social situations much more often. I knew that in being positive with strangers that I would receive some of that positivity back and get myself out of my head and into the world. My mantra was “be friendly to people, spread positivity and if you think of something to say, say it.” That would manifest as:
- Greeting baristas, shop clerks, bartenders, receptionists, etc with “Hi, how’s your day going?” and then having a short chat which probably included me making an observation on what was going on with them that day
- Smiling and cheerily telling charity sign-up people “No thanks but you’re doing a great job, best of luck!”
- Always smiling, waving and saying “thanks” to drivers that stopped for me at pedestrian crossings
- Nodding and saying “Good morning” to old people who I caught eyes with in the street
In general, I promised myself that when I thought of something to say, I would say it, even down to innocuous comments such as spotting someone’s shoelace was untied and telling them. My problem in the past hadn’t been wanting to say things to people, it was that I didn’t know what to say to them. Instead I would clam up and leave the words unused, forever remaining a missed opportunity in my grey matter. I was able to fix that with the aforementioned promise to myself.
The “magic” is that so many people are so used to being ignored. Most cafe customers might as well bark “get me my latte, coffee slave!” to the barista rather than treat them like a human being, and so when they’re treated well they positively shine with appreciation. In fact, on a few occasions, that momentary burst of positivity has led to nearby girls noticing and IOI’ing me. Come to think of it, this is a wonderful example of Adam Smith’s “Invisible Hand.” I went into the SMP wanting one thing (girls) and so created positive externalities for others.
Over time, I started to notice how my mood would adjust slightly, up and down, based on how many people I was talking to. Each person I talked to was like taking a shot of tequila (or something stronger). I realised that I had made a leap: I know I’ll never be the kind of bullish, extrovert which I’ve met a few times in my life, but I’ve definitely grown from “the guy who kept quiet” to “the guy who talked to people to raise his vibe to get more girls” to “the guy who actually enjoys talking to people and does it for its own sake.”
Yours unfaithfully,
Thomas Crown
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