24/30: Agency, Biology, Reality Weave, and Costs

Girls are not entirely whirlwinds of chaos. They are mostly, but not entirely. Something I’ve come to accept recently is that, shock horror: girls can make their own decisions and do in fact have a measure of agency. I’ve been attributing more intelligence on their behalf and haven’t been considering their actions as those of a pre-pubescent goldfish.

Why is that? Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the move from beginner to intermediate Daygamer, and I feel as if it is far enough in the past for me to look back and laugh at myself (Was it really 22.3 years ago?…). That was what I was alluding to in the Beginners’ Truths post. One of the biggest BT that gets shattered is that biology always wins out. More often than not societal programming wins; just imagine the world if people acted entirely for instant gratification.

Here are some examples:

• She tries to leave and you “one more thing” her into oblivion and force the number close
• You send your feeler and she doesn’t reply, so you send a follow up two days later, then a cheesy “kidnapped” text two days after that
• You go on a D2 and never see her again, even though the date went well, and so conclude that “she knew if she came back out she’d get fucked”

In each of these cases, I’ve just come to accept that she doesn’t like me enough to proceed with the seduction. I’ve done every one of these so many times I can’t count them, but as a beginner, they’re vital. You have to reality weave (as Bodi would say) that you are a muthafukin’ P.I.M.P. You have to believe that biology always trumps societal pressures. That she missed your text because of her whirlwind brain. That keeping her in-set for as long as possible shows your “alpha qualities”. If you didn’t do all of these things, imagine the ego destruction you’d experience when you see first hand just how many girls don’t like you? Or how many girls are attracted, but don’t think you’re right for them? Being able to accept that fact takes a long time and strong Inner Game.

But why not just continue believing the beginner’s truths and feed off of the idealised self you’ve projected onto yourself? It doesn’t seem like much of a cost to send a Hail Mary rescue text or to say “one more thing before you go” and stack forward. No, it’s not a big cost, but the key lies in the fact that it stacks over time. You feel as if your sets are dragging. You can see right in front of you that’s she’s not that into you. You can send a bunch of texts but when you look at your phone it’s just full of your own messages.

It’s all poisonous to your medium term happiness and has contributed to what I said in the statistics post: my next thousand sets will be characterised by freedom from outcome. There’s not much more I can do with my aesthetic. I think there’s still a little work to be done in-set but I can’t see any glaring errors; it’s only minor adjustments for now. My most important variable is vibe. Really, I’m approaching to find out whether the girl fancies me or not, and to move from there.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown