#59: The Patron Saint of Sacred Cafe (Analysis)

Techniques presented in the same order as the lay report

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Girls Are Phototrophic: it behooves you to hit the streets when they’re warmer because there will be a noticeable, although perhaps small, uptick in sets. Your mind will probably go straight to the spring and summer, but don’t miss out on the unseasonably warm days of autumn and winter; remember it’s growth and not absolutes that people care about. It brings people out for all the little things they’ve been putting off and encourages them to walk rather than take public transport. On top of that the good weather will raise your vibe. You’ll go out feeling “oddly good.”

Don’t Look Too Good: the reason why I pointed out that the shirt was shrunken and crinkled is that when you’re following an r-selected strategy you don’t want to look too stylish; you don’t want your outfit to look like it was coordinated too well otherwise it will come across as try-hard and false.

Ramping Up: this is something I’ve thought about a lot this year and I think it has worked. I added in a second session in February where I didn’t push myself into any sets and only did the ones I really wanted to do. The point wasn’t to rack up any number except time spent on the streets so that I could begin to normalise more time spent Daygaming. That would mean that by the time spring came to London I was fully warmed up. Any results which came from these sessions – such as this one – were purely a consequence of being in the mix.

Quick Decision Making: the main issue I see with wings or when I’m spying on unsuspecting Daygamers is that they take too long to get into set. They walk after her for a bit, stopping and starting, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. The problem is that: 1) once she’s seen you an invisible clock starts ticking and the longer you take the less respect she has for you; and 2), the longer you follow her the more AA sets in. You bring both of these negatives on yourself by not approaching quickly and the benefit of approaching in the “perfect spot” doesn’t outweigh these. My approaches commonly go like this: I spot the girl coming towards me, I make a decision and stick to it even if I have doubts (I can always politely excuse myself from the set if I’ve made a mistake), I let her pass, count to three and then immediately go over to stop her. If I’m with a wing the only difference is that I observe turn-taking or IOIs for my wing first. The benefit of approaching in this way is that you work off of gut instinct which flows into the opener and stack; remember something mediocre but authentic is better than delivering the perfect tease and then being like “ta-dahh!” like a cheap magician.

Narrow Streets: this leads on from the previous point; I didn’t wait for her to get out into the open, I got abreast of her and then started signalling for her to stop. Remember the point of the stop: to get the girl to stop. Anything that achieves this has succeeded.

Roleplay: this is classic Game but is worth dwelling on. Putting the girl into a role where she knows what to say and do provides comfort and value at the same time. It’s also a good indicator of where her interest is at, because this will fall predictably flat on No girls.

Proximity: together with her reaction to your touch this is the best indicator of her interest. I see a lot of sets where both people are smiling but in reality it’s going nowhere because they’re too far apart. It’s an indicator that the guy still has a fear of rejection: he doesn’t want to push for more compliance (proximity) because instead he can have a polite conversation and amicably take a flaky number which gives him a warm sensation in the moment. That’s not to say you’ve got to relentlessly march into the girl’s personal space like a psycho; start with however close you are right now and experiment with being a half step closer. Then when you get your next lay again experiment with another half step. Watch how it causes you discomfort and realise that it’s an Inner Game problem which can be addressed by solving the question “what am I in this for?”

Coffee or Drink: I calibrate my date suggestion based on the interest she’s shown me in set. Strong Maybes and Yes girls get a drink suggested, anything else gets a coffee. R-selected looking mid-Maybes will probably get a drink as well. Her interest is (obviously) an IOI and so you should reciprocate.

Facebook (social media): this is actually my first lay that’s come off of a Facebook close. It ran exactly as it would have over WhatsApp. I don’t think working your way down from her number to social media is good though, i.e. you ask for her number, she says no, so you say “what about Facebook/Instagram/etc.” That shows you’re lacking options. It doesn’t invalidate taking a social media add under special circumstances such as these or if she has a boyfriend, for example.

First Venue: there’s going to be a long instructional post on first venues coming soon. Watch this space!

The Qualifying K: as well as placing a girl on the r/K spectrum by calibrating to her outfit you can also see whether a K girl is qualifying to your “r-ness” by seeing if she dresses like you to some extent. Look for out of character instances of leather and esoteric pieces of jewelry. This is a good sign.

First Venue Frame: this will also be covered in extensive detail by my post on first venues but essentially the first venue is where you get to work on her frame. You set everything up for the majority of your physical escalation in venue two.

Coffee or Drink continued: if I notice that the girl is responding really well over messaging I’ll probably upgrade my date request to a drink rather than the initial coffee. You can always keep it ambiguous but float the idea past her by suggesting you meet and then using the coffee and two beers emoticon. In this case I was just getting impatient and put the beer emoticon in the chat after confirming the time we would meet. She reacted positively to that so drinks it was.

First Venue Frame continued: one way to know that you’re imposing your frame on the girl over the first venue is that her eye contact will move from intermittent to almost entirely on you. She’ll also shift her body to face you completely and lean forward.

Placing Her On r/K: something I got caught up in when hearing this phrase for the first time was ‘how much r or how much K is she exactly?” It’s much easier to make a general decision such as she’s ‘more r’ or ‘more K.’ I’d placed Lisa as being ‘more K’ but with a lot of interest, which together with the fact that she had to be up early the next morning ended with me deciding to kiss her in the second venue then back off and take a run at the summit on D3.

Comfort: another concept I had problem with. I know that makes me sound like an alien robot encountering humans for the first time saying ‘human, what is emotion?’, it’s just that I find smalltalk so, so boring. I felt that something that bored me would of course bore the girl as well. But then I went for an evening of Nightgame with Jamie Daygame and realised just how much tripe people really talk about. That settled it in my mind: talking shit is fine, and I trust in being an interesting person so that I don’t lose value doing so.

Entitled vs Needy: normally I’m too lazy to cite people as I go along but in this case I will. I got this from Todd V (I’ve been watching some of his videos recently and I’ll admit I quite like him) and he makes a good point: you can say the same thing and it can come from too different places. As long as what you’re doing is coming from the right frame you can say a lot of things that would be considered supplicating or needy by a beginner. In this case I told Lisa that I’d had a good time and because of that I wanted to see her again, subcommunicating that she’d qualified successfully earlier in the date.

Dinner Date: yes that’s right I went with a girl to have food in order to reach the lay! Thomas Crown is dead! Not really… she suggested we meet for food and rather than battling her on it I just took the logistics into my hands. And if you’re interested, the pizza and drinks were £18 total, and the round of drinks she bought in the bar were also roughly £18 (a little more I think).

Milestones: I suspected that this one of her milestones for us to reach the finishing line so I let her have it. As I showed above I did it cheaply and casually. I was suspicious that if I said to her “we’re just going to drinks this time, we can have food another time” that she would have held out on the D3.

Pre-Date Nervousness: I take it as a good sign that I’m nervous before a date because it usually means that sex is likely. I think I can just sense that my performance over the next two hours will lead to sex if done correctly. I came into this date with the same nervousness and it started to ebb away as the kino progressed in the bar.

Questions Game Escalation: obviously you’re not supposed to launch straight into “what’s your favourite sexual position?” It’s best to start with some neutral but fun questions such as “if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” or “if you could be any animal which would you be?” Normally on the third question I’ll switch into something more sexual/romantic like “at which age did you have your first crush?”

R-Selected “Values” / Espousing Values: I put values in ironic quotes there because they’re not values in the traditional sense. When you’re trying to evoke a certain sexual strategy in a girl it’s best to tell stories about yourself that focus on certain values. In our case we want to awaken the r-selected strategy in her so we talk about things like adventure, drinking, drugs, risk taking, freedom, etc. Anything that gives her implicit permission to have sex with you tonight is what’s needed.

Driving the Lay Over the Finishing Line: I often imagine a girl’s propensity to have sex as an elastic band. If you stretch it too far it’ll break and so you have to position it such that you can stretch it over an imaginary finishing line. Positioning the band right over the finishing line is equivalent to following her script in its entirety. Trying to stretch it from the moment you meet to the finishing line (i.e. a SDL) is following your script near completely; obviously you have to do something between opening and fucking her and so her script has to be involved to some extent. When you feel that the band can be stretched over the finishing line you can start to drop a lot of the pretense and become more overt. That’s when questions like “what’s your favourite sexual position” become appropriate.

Hand on Dick: if you’re not doing this already then absolutely you should start. It just sets you apart from every other guy and puts her r-selected schema into overdrive. Another less powerful way to do this is to kiss her then turn her head sideways (and stick it straight up her candy ass? No, you’re not The Rock!) and bite her earlobe. Another level down is to take a bit of her hair in your hand, at the base of her neck, and pull it a little. There you go, there’s a little sexual escalation for you when done in reverse.

The Hint to Leave: if you wanted a girl to stay at yours you would just say nothing so by asking her this question it’s quite a strong hint. Anyway, I had a celebratory kebab to eat.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown