Automatic Behaviours

Everyone seems to have these automatic behaviours which they can’t help but do. An Indian guy moves to the UK: he must open a corner shop. Daygamers feel compelled to hit the streets on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. A squirrel will claw at pavement as if it was trying to bury an acorn.

These behaviours are built into us from birth or are at least formed during childhood or adolescence; some of them hurt our chances, and some help. The squirrel, for example, is programmed to dig, put it’s acorn in the ground, cover it with dirt, and then return during colder months. This behaviour has led to squirrel DNA persisting throughout time. But of course there will be maladaptations, such as when the squirrel tries to dig into hard stone.

Each Daygamer will likewise have his own automatic behaviours. Again, some of them are maladaptions: feeling approach anxiety when we know that people aren’t watching us, they don’t care what we’re doing, and that even if we get blown out that it has practically no effect on our future chances. Some of these behaviours will help us. For example, I’ve always been someone to push the envelope and enjoy a bit of mischief, which is a good strategy for when you’re trying to pick up girls. Other guys will be non-stop attractors – always teasing, joking, role playing – or are mysterious and aloof – they naturally push girls away – and these guys will do very well with girls who like that. By Daygaming for many years you will see which parts of your personality were always there but have turned out to be very helpful.

One way of seeing how far you have progressed is to ask whether you’re getting the girls you should be getting, given your automatic behaviours. For example, my tendency towards mischief should put me at a higher average yearly result compared to a clone of myself without that trait. If I want to push that average result even higher then I would have to add another string to my bow and be able to spot the opportunities to diverge from the automatic behaviour and act on it.

An example from my own experience would be that I’m very good at getting people to talk about themselves and turning the conversational spotlight back towards them. At some point girls will say “so tell me about yourself, I’ve not stopped talking about me.” It’s at this point I know to diverge away from my automatic behaviour (to get her to talk about herself) and purposefully talk about me and my life and fight the urge to turn the conversation around again.

One reason why I think that this is so important is that it lets you get further with the “lower probabilities.” As much as a set is a low probability set because she’s walking fast, looking at a map and talking on the phone, a set is obviously going to be low probability if you have incompatible personalities. Part of your personality are these automatic behaviours: the constant teaser probably isn’t going to do well with the girl who wants deep conversation; the guy who always escalates fast probably isn’t going to do well with a girl who is only looking to get married.

But why care about adding strings to your bow? Why not just find more girls who like you for you? Everyone seems to have an average amount of energy that they can expend during a period. That means that the number of sets you do each year is going to be roughly constant once you’re past the euphoric stage of early Daygame. Even if you burn the candle at both ends, you will probably just make up for it in the next and do less. So on average, your “shots on goal” are going to be constant and that means that improving your accuracy by learning how to diverge from your automatic behaviours is your best bet.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

If you enjoyed this post and want to support the blog then please consider buying one of my books or hiring me for coaching. Follow me on Twitter for daily updates.

> Buy my memoir

> Buy my textbook

> Hire me for Coaching: Skype consultations and infield available

> Follow me on Twitter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s