Recently this old YouTube video got posted to Twitter so I thought I’d have a watch as the tweet was getting some traction.
It would be easy for me to sit here and do a line by line response since the video is a strawman of LDM. I could have also done a post about the effectiveness of cold approach but I’ve covered that before (if you own Dead! then just search for the term “cold approach” and you’ll find it). I wanted to post something a bit different and so rather than arguing against him, I’m instead going to take some points that he brings up and make some actionable lessons from them.
Don’t try to be a psychic
It’s tempting to look the girl up and down and guess everything about her: “you look like a… “ [pause for thought] “Spanish lawyer who just came from yoga class and is now going shopping” (I’m caricaturing LDM now myself…). Instead I like to tell guys to think about one of Tom Torero’s old recommendations: that when you go for the assumption stack to have the word “accuse” pop into your head. It makes things a lot more fun and does better work of attempting to qualify the girl. It will help you “mythologise” the girl, as Krauser puts it (which I think is easier described as “make up a silly/surreal story which describes how the girl got to this moment”). Remember that you don’t win many points for simply guessing things about the girl, and will quickly lose them if you don’t have any fun conversation to back them up with.
Don’t use the “Mr Cool Hat”
If you’re approaching a girl and then immediately leaning back and crossing your arms then you’re assuming too much attraction on her part. Rather than putting on the “Mr Cool Hat” you’re better off putting on the “Mr Enthusiastic Hat” (needy and supplicating “wow’s” and “amazing’s” aside). Doing the latter will impress more of a positive vibe. Being too laconic at the start of the set will set her alarm bells off too and will make her think that she’s being Gamed, which is a violation of her suspension of disbelief (something you want to maintain).
Using side stops over front stops
If you’re in a small city, or one where everyone seems to know everyone, then using more side stops makes sense. People seem to be friendlier in smaller cities and so would be more willing to stop and talk. I still don’t advocate for the walk and talk, though; if he doesn’t like you then she will simply carry on walking and you should let her go.
You don’t have to literally “jump in front” of the girl
I’m not a fan of the classic Yad Stop myself, where you run ahead of her and jump around. In my opinion it looks highly contrived and less of what a natural would do. Instead I’d recommend catching up to her and then walking faster than her and working your way in front while making eye contact and using stopping words.
Her adrenaline rush
Quite often you can stop a girl and the first 30 seconds of the set seem really good, before her energy settles, the conversation goes flat and she excuses herself. It’s worth considering that women have a “tend and befriend” / “please and appease” response to these things rather than “fight or flight” (if you want a first hand experience of this adrenaline rush then just recall when another Daygamer lamely front stopped you). So if she reacts well to begin with but then things go downhill, it might not be something you did and instead it is her energy levels simply levelling off.
“ABC simple approach does not work in the long term”
As all the gurus say, the model is the training wheels and eventually they have to come off. LDM gives you something to say and guides you through something higher energy to something lower. If you’re a cool guy then you don’t need a structure to help you come off as cool, which is why you have to come to terms with the “making it” part of “fake it til you make it.” Eventually you can tell yourself with a completely straight face that you’re a cool guy and that girls will like you purely for you. In fact, from the short description the guy gives of what he considers superior Game, there is an element of truth, if you’re already a cool guy, but this is putting the cart before the horse. The model is the training wheels, not the finished article.
There’s also a point here in regards to getting a positive uptick in your vibe from finding a new method that appears to work. If I had to guess why this is it would be that finding something new, which appears to have some value, will make you release dopamine, which contributes to a good feeling. I’ve seen this effect before, in myself and others, and it’s tempting to think that you’ve found something which will permanently elevate your results to a significant degree. In reality it’s a “new method bounce” and at some point you’ll revert to somewhere near – but hopefully slightly above – your old results.
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