A wing here sent me this by GLL. Be interested in your thoughts.
To sum up, you must screen hard for girls who are sexual. You must bin a “I hope she likes me” frame.
I’d say they’re obvious points but the detail of it is debatable
Recently a previous student/wing/friend sent me a podcast by Good Looking Loser; you can guess what the topic of the podcast was through his question but unfortunately I don’t have a link to it (he only sent it as an audio file without the podcast index and so if someone who recognises it could provide that in the comments then that would be great). Here’s an extended version of what I sent back to him:
In a vacuum, I agree it’s good to bin that “hopeful” frame and replace it with one where you see yourself as fundamentally attractive to women. If you have that then you genuinely do see it as a win-win, collaborative thing and don’t feel the need to impress her with lines/being hilarious. At that point you don’t need to “hope*” that she likes you and you can go from set to set, presenting the real, authentic “you,” and if she doesn’t like that then it’s no-harm no-foul and you’re onto the next one.
* I admit there’s a massive chicken and egg argument here. You can’t ever stop hoping that she’ll like you; what would be the alternative: you hope she blows you out? It’s more that you’ll stop actively trying to impress a girl and so during your conversation you won’t be straining your brain trying to think of the right thing to say, all your body language signals will be good and you’ll do a good amount of calibrated kino, all without actively thinking about it.
The big problem then is “how do I get somewhere where I feel fundamentally attractive to women?” and that’s a different answer for each person and will take some time. It took me about five years to reach that point. If you want to stop trying to impress women and “just be yourself” then that “self” has to actually be attractive: all the stuff that pick-up teaches you needs to be on auto-pilot so it’s natural.
But… even with that mindset, it’s not going to take you from being a virgin to a lothario. It’s maybe going to add a few extra percentage points of attraction in her eyes. It’s probably more useful in not reducing her attraction for you because you stop employing try-hard Anti-Game. It’s more about reducing a weakness than improving a strength.
But in context: this guy is basically prescribing “Chad Game” to everyone. “Just go in there and screen if she’s DTF” works well and even on solid 7s because they’re chads (which is what I imagine he’s describing when he says “hot chicks”). An example of one of his suggested openers is “Hey, you look sexy. What’s your name?” and as a chad that’s probably a good opener. But if you’re a guy in the dateable category, screening that hard isn’t going to get you many of those girls because you’re not physically attractive enough to have that instant edge over them. Eventually, yes, you’ll find a girl to go along with it, but it’s going to take hundreds of sets to do so, and I’d hope that you would spare a thought for the other Daygamers who share a street with you.
Then it depends where you are. Having a higher sexual intensity like that might be good for nightgame where you’re after SNLs, but that kind of intensity in Daygame will mark you out as a weirdo. This isn’t to say that we don’t screen in Daygame: we do it via pre-approach filtering (where we try to focus our sets on girls who are preloaded for interest in us) and will pivot towards SDLs if it’s on – and can play a variety of Chad Game if our archetype polarises and we are “her 10” – but mostly we’re looking for those girls where the interest will build and hit a crescendo on the date.
So in conclusion:
- Should you screen hard for sexual girls: probably not, unless you’re a chad
- Should you bin a “I hope she likes me” frame: yes, but once you’ve reached the stage where you believe yourself to be fundamentally attractive to women. If not, you are still going to have to put effort into making yourself more attractive than you currently are* – better looking, funnier, better vibe, better calibration, etc. – and in doing so you’re implicitly trying to impress women and hoping they like you.
* By fundamentally attractive, I don’t mean you’re perfect or anything, that you can get any girl and that you’ll inspire “effortless attraction.” I mean more in the sense that you think you’re a cool guy and that there’s a decent chance that a girl will like you aka high self-esteem.
Yours unfaithfully,
Thomas Crown
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