Good Faith Game, Part 2: Why, Thought Processes and Boundaries

Part One can be found here (link)

*****

Taking people in good faith means giving them the benefit of the doubt. It means taking a default position that people are willing to engage in win-win, collaborative interactions with you. If you want to stay in Game for the long run and have good Inner Game, then you need to work from a position of good faith and assume other people will too. Girls can tell whether you’re working in good or bad faith and you’ll fail the smell test if you work under the latter.

The opposite of working in good faith is to come from one of bad faith where you assume that people have malicious intentions. This is a problem especially for guys in the pick-up space because a), a lot of the most prominent advice comes from the East Coast American market where the assumption is that you have to con someone before they con you first; b) advice is often packaged in a way to make it shocking as negative soundbites garner more clicks*; and c), guys often come from a bad place with women and so it’s easier for their egos to reason that the women are malicious than understand it is because of something they did or a misunderstanding of female nature. Working from a position of bad faith is destructive in the long run – it has an awful effect on your vibe – and leads you to predominantly attracting low self-esteem women. You’ll be way more likely to date gold-diggers and malicious timewasters because you’ll come across as an easy mark: someone who’s willing to engage with a malicious actor gives them an opportunity to treat you like a mark.

* There are Twitter accounts with tens of thousands of followers where their bread and butter content is to point at a woman’s actions and say “this is bad.” Yes, what they did might have been bad but it’s not representative of women at large; just a woman could do something like “divorce-rape” you or cheat on you doesn’t mean she will. And even though those accounts might purport to be sharing the information to “warn men,” the guys who are liking it are only feeding into their bad faith view of the world.

In a nutshell, if you assume good faith you work from an assumption of honesty and good intentions – innocent until proven guilty – whereas working from a position of bad faith means working from an assumption of malicious intent and dishonesty: guilty until proven innocent.

Now here are some practical examples where you can start to implement good faith. In each one I’ve included both thought processes and comments on how to preserve boundaries. Having boundaries is vital under a good faith position because yes, there will still be malicious actors out there in the world, and you don’t want to become some gullible, happy-clappy clown who allows others to walk all over him. Instead, you work from the innocent until proven guilty position and when someone is “guilty” you remove your supply of attention to them. Note that this isn’t some kind of Game trick or technique: it’s simply that if you identify someone as acting in bad faith then you shouldn’t want to deal with them; they are a “toxic” influence. By acting with a set of boundaries/standards then you’ll filter out the bad faith actors.

Example 1: she says at the end of the set “I have a boyfriend” (or some combination of having a great set but no number or i-date to show for it)

Bad faith thought process: “she was just tooling me for attention”

Good faith thought process: “she was enjoying the moment and didn’t want to interrupt me to mention her boyfriend/she’s genuinely not in a part of her life where she wants to date/I didn’t show enough covert intent during the set to filter her out earlier/she really does have a boyfriend and doesn’t want to cheat on him.”

Boundary: filter harder in your sets by showing more intent via eye contact, proximity and touch; don’t allow your sets to go on too long.

Example 2: someone interrupts your set

Bad faith thought process: “he/she’s a malicious cockblock/white knight.”

Good faith thought process: “he/she’s genuinely concerned for the girl’s safety and I need to be more conscious of how aggressive I come across.”

Boundary: be more mindful of where you do your sets so that there isn’t a crowd of onlookers; be more calibrated in how dominant you are during your approach; let the girl blow the interloper out.

Example 3: a girl says she’ll get back to you, or you ask/tell her to, and she doesn’t, or you ask her out and she says “I can’t this week but hopefully next.”

Bad faith thought process: “she was lying about wanting to meet me and only wanted my validation over messaging”

Good faith thought process: “she’s a genuinely busy person.”

Boundary: message her to prompt her to provide the information/confirmation you need (if she doesn’t get back to you after the prompt you weren’t ever going to meet her anyway); if she says she might be free the following week then roll-off an re-engage (if she still can’t meet then it’s a dead lead).

Example 4: a girl is asking you where you’re taking her for a date

Bad faith thought process: “she’s doing this because she wants to check if it’s fancy enough so she can take pictures for her insta-whore lifestyle”

Good faith thought process: “she’s doing this because she wants to know what to wear/what my intentions with her are/how far she’ll need to walk if she wears heels.”

Boundary: don’t take a girl somewhere where you aren’t comfortable footing the entire bill; stick to your guns when you say which venue you’ll take her to; if she has an issue with the venue you chose then remind her it’s the company and not the place that matters, and that she can go with her friends to the fancier place (if that’s what she does ask for).

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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5 thoughts on “Good Faith Game, Part 2: Why, Thought Processes and Boundaries

  1. I think this is exactly the golden average between the two extremes guys tend to swing between:

    Extreme 1: The girl is clearly into you, really. She says she just wants to be friends and has a boyfriend plus she lives in a different country and leaves in 2h never to come back. But really, bro, it’s just a shit test. She’s clearly dripping. Go for the SDL!

    Extreme 2: That manipulative skank came out on a date only to steal 45 minutes of my time and get a free drink. May she rot in hell and get raped worse than Freddy Kreuger’s mother.

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