Good Faith Game and Developing Empathy

I was inspired to write this post by a recent tweet but I won’t link to it here (there have already been enough personal attacks in this community by whiney man-childs 🤭). The tweet described how the Daygamer approached a girl and then walked with her even though she was completely blanking him. Eventually she was about to step out into traffic when he grabbed her arm to pull her back and she reacted angrily and shouted at him to get away from her.

This is the problem of seeing yourself in a vacuum and treating girls like levers who you only need to apply the correct technique to to turn. It’s the idea that “only your feelings matter.” The problem is, in real life, that Daygame (and Game overall) isn’t an activity like weight lifting where you’re applying yourself to an inanimate object that is the same each time and can’t react to you. In this post I hope to explain what I mean by Good Faith Game and to give some reasons why developing empathy for women is not “beta” or “pedastalisation” and how it could actually improve your results and general feeling towards life.

As a primer for this post, and if you have a spare hour, I really recommend listening to Krauser’s podcast called “Play or Be Played?” (link) because the idea that you’re playing a repeated version of the prisoner’s dilemma, and not a one-off game, is important.

“But if I never see the girl again, isn’t it a one-off game/why should I care?”

The key is that, yes, you’ll probably never see that girl again, but you will see yourself again. You’re playing a repeated game of prisoner’s dilemma with yourself.

I’ve Daygamed for a fairly long time now and can say, with my hand on my heart, that the kind of guys who have this taker mentality, those who only think through the prism of “what do I gain from this?,” are just plain weird guys. Of course, I can’t diagnose someone as being on the autistic-Asperger’s spectrum but that’s what people would call them as a catch-all term to describe their weirdness. Typically these guys have odd speech patterns, strange reaction times to things said, they might speak at an odd pace and/or add random comments to the end of their sentences which are only vaguely related to the subject matter. I recently learned that this is called “prosody” i.e. someone on the spectrum will have an abnormal prosody. In addition, they may have odd eye contact: either way too intense as if they want to rip your head off or way too erratic. Here’s a really good article to read on the subject (link)

If someone has all of those symptoms then they would probably have been diagnosed with something as a child but there are many, many guys who only have these conditions to a certain degree such that they can function in everyday life but… there’s always something about them which seems off. And people are apparently very good at spotting this even in a matter of seconds (link). If you’re the kind of guy who different people have, on multiple occasions, called out for spectrum-y behaviours, then you’re probably a weird guy.

These are the kind of guys who usually want to know what to do to make girls like them or to make them feel comfortable around them; again seeing them as levers that only need to be turned. What they don’t appreciate is that attraction and comfort are both feelings which can only be encouraged in the girl through the signalling in your subcommunications. By thinking of girls as simple levers they show their lack of empathy – that there’s a living, breathing person right there in front of them – and so they get blown out 80% of the time and a further 19% of the time the girl is continually edging away. They tend to get a lot more angry reactions, being told to “fuck off” more often than others, and are the kind of guys to get banned from malls. These guys have an unsettling presence which people, especially women, immediately feel and means they can only get laid with girls who are drastically worse looking than them.

This problem compounds when the guy starts on a vicious regime of self-improvement – a phenomena which has been exacerbated by the rise of The Black Pill – but never comes to terms with the real reason why women don’t like him: he’s just a strange guy. He thinks he’s putting lots of work in but isn’t getting what he thinks he deserves out. This makes him bitter and angry towards women, who don’t appreciate what he’s done, and towards normal guys who seem to get so much more for so much less effort. The thing is that weird and angry guys repulse women and it doesn’t matter how many maxx’s you maxxed it’s not going to make up for that key flaw. That leads to the cycle of failure and increasing anger and you’re putting yourself at risk of hurting yourself and others

And so if you want to actually start connecting with people, to develop empathy and become less weird, what should you do? First I think you need to take responsibility for your weirdness. Tell yourself “everything that’s happened in my life up until this moment was because of who I was, but that’s in the past, and now I have an opportunity to become a better, more well-adjusted person.” And look, everyone getting into this community is weird to some extent – we all at least have a few flaws to iron out – and so this is a good general mindset to have, one of being humble and making a genuine attempt to improve oneself, even if you don’t show the prior symptoms.

And what can you do in a practical sense? For starters, stop approaching clear No girls. If she looks like she’s closed off to the world, that’s because she is. Women are naturally more open and expressive, in their style and behaviours, when they are open to being approached. Have empathy for where she is today by looking at whether she’s giving off approach signals or not. So when you see that girl rushing down the street with her phone out, maybe she’s dressed down too, just let her go. If you do approach a girl and she blanks you, don’t walk with her. Stop badgering girls at every stage of the seduction i.e. don’t do it on the street or over texting or on dates. All of these behaviours give Daygamers a bad name and you shouldn’t be bothering people.

Women find empathetic men attractive because those same men know what she’s feeling and can act accordingly. But it’s vital not just to try and create a flow chart of “if she moves her eyebrow this way then she’s feeling XYZ.” That’s not true empathy. You have to actually work to understand what she’s feeling and why, and not want to steamroll her emotions with your desires.

You can consider this as a Daygame code of ethics/conduct and this is why it’s Good Faith Game. You’ll promise to be nice to everyone else and you’ll find that the world will be nicer to you. Your vibe bank account will stop taking those precipitous hits it was receiving from the harsh blowouts and can compound. It will make your results better in the long run because girls will be able to see you’re a normal and happy guy.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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