This is a first draft of a chapter from my 2016-17 Daygame memoir: Demolition Lovers. I’m currently working through the second draft, which is why my blog posts have been much scarcer. From there, I just need one more pass through and it’s done. I hope to get it out by May, just in time for all those fairweather Daygamers!
One of my test readers correctly pointed out that this chapter didn’t fit the memoir style of writing; I think I had just wanted to write this piece for so long that I was trying to force it into the book in its current form. The final draft is built on the below but will differ vastly in style.
I enjoyed writing this chapter and didn’t want to waste it; it’s a manual, my “how to” for harems, whereas the book follows as a stream of consciousness regarding how I came to find and use the principles below.
HAREM MANAGER 2017
When a man becomes interested in pickup, his mind is inevitably drawn to the concept of the harem. He’s probably read a lot of history in his time, fantasising about an army of concubines, or perhaps he’s read a lot of science fiction and imagines himself surrounded by a horde of sexy aliens. Either way, he’s achieved something which most men only dream of: sex on tap. Now that he is into pickup, and a harem becomes a possibility. How does he go about getting one? This is my method.
First let’s define exactly what it is you want from a harem, starting with the number of girls. I think three is perfect, but two is great as well. One is too close to none and any more becomes , in my opinion, too tiring. I still need to have time and energy to go out and get new lays as well, but theoretically you could amass a tonne of women and then see them until they drop off the radar.
The reason why three would be perfect for me is that I can see two of them every week, and then the other once every two weeks. That gives me enough time for a night for myself, two nights for the girls, a date, and three Daygame sessions (although those sessions will likely be on weekends which allows you to combine activities in the daytime and evenings).
The other thing I want from a harem is near-zero drama, and to not have to be in constant text contact with them. I want to only text when to set up logistics for our meetings.
Lastly, I want them to come directly to my house. No dates. Over time you’ll amaze yourself at just how possible this is. Obviously if you want dates then I’m sure the girls would be up for them. Just remember that you can only ever advance along the scale towards monogamy, you can never move away from it.
Next up, after having sex with the girl, you need to think to yourself: do I actually want to see her again? Of course, if the answer is no and you were purely in it for the sex, then cut her off. It’s a pump and dump and she knows it. The truth is, you’ll be spending a lot of time together just talking so you have to enjoy yourself.
If the answer is yes, then you want to ask her “how many men have you had sex with before?”. The point of this question isn’t to see what she says, but more importantly how she views you.
When you ask a girl how many guys she’s had sex with, it’s better to think about her answer in the context of “the girl is your mirror”. If she says something around her age minus 18, then she’s probably considering you as a boyfriend (K). If she says something around (her age minus 18 ) x 2, she’s probably considering you as a lover (r).
This is based around the rule of thumb that girls will have one boyfriend and one lover each year after they lose their virginities around 18.
In the first case, she’s trying to answer with an “acceptable number”; one partner a year means that she’s not a slut in her own eyes. In the latter case, she’s factoring in the lovers as well.
Obviously, a girl is never going to state her number as higher than it actually is.
If she answers way above the rule of thumb (including lovers) or refuses to answer and appears ashamed, then ironically she’s not a good fit for this system. These are the sort of girls which have a cog missing somewhere; this has led to their astronomical N which indicates higher drama. Remember that sex is so much more emotionally taxing for women and they’re not set up for as many partners as men are.
Furthermore, she knows the channels by which to get more sex very well, so why would she rock up to your flat every week when she could get sex elsewhere and get the validation of a date as well?
By all means, keep these girls in mind for a rainy day. You could fire off a text and get her to come over, but these aren’t the sort of girls who fit into this system and stay there.
A girl who answers around the K rule of thumb will probably not sign up for it. She expected a boyfriend and isn’t going to get one. Violation of expectation leads to displeasure and distancing oneself from the source of pain is natural.
A girl who gives an answer which is between the two rules of thumb is a decent bet. She’ll come over as planned, have sex, and not text you much, but eventually will tire of the situation and fall off the grid. She isn’t getting her monogamous needs met by you and feels that she’s “wasting her time”. Instead she should be out there looking for a boyfriend “to get serious with”. This is her body decreasing her attraction for you because it’s not what she needs. She’ll find herself attracted to the dependable guy at work who will buy her flowers and take her for dinner.
With these girls, I imagine they go through periods of wanting something K followed by periods of wanting something r. They tire of their nice, dependable boyfriend and want to sleep with the motorbike riding bad boy. After a few months of unreliable communication and “emotional unavailability”, she longs again for the stability of her previous K life.
Lastly, I’ve found that the best girls to turn into regulars are the ones who give the chaste answer, but had sex with you very quickly. They’re likely to be true introverts and will say things like “I don’t ever do this sort of thing” and mean it. The additional upside from these girls is that their introversion normally makes them more interesting because they’ll have hobbies beyond shopping and partying. These girls are likely to feel a stronger bond to you and to consider their interactions with you as part of a grand adventure, where you are leading everything.
So, you’ve asked her how many guys she’s had sex with, you’ve got your answer, and you like her as a person. Now we need to do something called an Early Frame Announcement (EFA), which basically means laying down the law.
This is what I say personally, usually as we’re about to leave my flat after having sex:
“I just want to say, I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, but I really enjoy your company and want to see you again. So how about this: maybe every other week or if you’re feeling really horny, you can come over and we can have great sex and have some wine. How does that sound?”
The last part is chopped and changed for each girl to make it more specific but the point is that you’re being 100% honest. You don’t want a relationship, you do like her and you do want to see her again.
Now it’s up to her to choose what she wants.
90% of the time she accepts but sometimes she will tell you that’s not what she’s looking for, and that’s completely fair. You’ll notice that after you say these words, or something similar, the air will clear completely and every ounce of pretense is dropped. You’re both being completely honest and if you have a coincidence of wants, then the jobs a gooden. If not, then fair enough. You part ways knowing that it was for the best.
You might think to yourself: “ah, but she might have seen me again if I was willing to pretend to be her boyfriend”, and you’d be right, but in the long run that’s a very bad idea. I’ve done it before and sat through dates, thinking to myself how boring it was. And in between those dates, you know deep down that you’ve got to tell her, and you start to fret about when.
Okay, so now she’s agreed to join your little harem, what next? Let her get home and text you to say that she’s safe, then follow it up to wish her a good sleep or something similar. Basically it’s just a confirmation that what you said wasn’t a lie.
Then keep radio silence for a few days. If she texts you, then feel free to reply, but try to give the impression that you’re not going to be keeping a text conversation running.
After those few days of silence send her something simple like “Hey, how’s next week looking? :)”. I’d avoid anything sexual because she knows exactly what you’re asking about, and would just use smiley faces rather than winky faces to keep the happy vibe going.
Once you’ve agreed a day and time, ask her “do you need my address?”. This is just a personal thing because I’m lazy, and don’t want to be waiting by a train station for her to turn up late. This way she makes her way to yours in her own sweet time. If she stresses how she wouldn’t know how to find it, or you live in a dangerous area, just go and meet her. It’s not a big deal.
When she does eventually come over, make sure you start everything by just having a short chat about your lives just the same as when you calm everything down when the girl comes into your house the first time. Offer her a drink and relax together, then pull her in and escalate straight up to sex. If she gives you LMR now then something’s wrong.
Remember that it has to be good sex for her to keep on coming back, so do her a courtesy of not masturbating the night before or in the morning so that she can feel the animal inside you. Naturally, the sex will get better as time goes on.
Here’s the real clincher, and interestingly it’s not based around the sex itself, it’s what comes afterwards. Once you’ve shot your load, pull her in and give her the comfort that she wants. Enjoy all of the happy hormones buzzing around your system and scratch her temple like she’s a cute dog.
Be aware, though, that continued exposure to these hormones will cause you to fall in love. Not in a romcom sense, but at the biological level you will certainly feel attached to her. That’s why having multiple girls around is important because you realise that it isn’t the girl as much as it’s the hormone inside of you that you’re feeling.
Then it’s your chance to have those great conversations that only come post-sex. You’ll find out more about female desire from those sessions than from anywhere else. You’ll learn about her fantasies, what turns her on, her full sexual history, etc.
You’ll also have a chance to be completely honest about yourself, and can share information which you wouldn’t even tell to your wing! Admittedly, though, don’t tell her about Daygame. It’s okay to discuss red pill topics but don’t show her how you seduced her, it ruins the magic.
The whole thing is like therapy for both of you, and she’ll look forward to seeing you each week. You’ll notice that she throws herself into sex with more abandon as time goes on, that’s because she’s becoming incredibly comfortable with you.
On top of that, over time you’ll come to an important realisation: she’s not coming over for the dates or the gifts, in fact she’s spending more than I am because of her travel fare. She’s coming over for one thing: me.
And that’s it. You’ll realise that “I am enough”.