An old adage among Daygamers says that abundance is the solution to all your problems, and no doubt I agree, but only to a point. For a beginner, abundance is the solution to all the troubles of your life but I can safely say I’m beyond that stage now. This year I’ve seen how abundance becomes the problem, rather than the solution.
The state of play is this: I’ve had a regular for the whole year who’s become a pseudo-girlfriend and another girl has come back into play as a regular. I see the former twice a week and the latter maybe once every week and a half. Needless to say I’m not wanting for sex and affection. But where does that put me in regard to pick-up?
I’ve become very impatient with my leads and this has grown into that ‘my way or the highway’ approach I described in my post on dating. Over texting I spot the downfall before it happens but I let it play out precisely because I can’t be bothered to play the perfect game. In set it happens even faster and I can spot if a girl is on straight away, and if she isn’t, my demeanour shifts and I lose motivation. Both of those examples are cases of me filtering much harder than before. That’s not to say I’ve had shit results this year: while the absolute number of lays is less (14 vs 18) the process is much more efficient (82:1 to 58:1).
The interesting side-effect of this demeanour is that while I am in an abundance of sex (which I’m sure shows positively) I don’t have an abundance of leads. I’ve been squeezing my leads this year to see if sex comes out the other end, fast. If it doesn’t then I move on instantly and the number gets archived. I think that lack of abundance of leads takes away some of the ‘I’m a boss’ feeling that pick-up can give you i.e. the sensation gained when you turn your phone on and there’s always a new message. If you graphed my 2018 experience it would be like a heart rate monitor with these sudden jumps of experience and then weeks of flat.
Sidenote: this may be the optimal state to be in. Perhaps in 2017 I was just fooling myself by being optimistic about leads which would never end in sex. A graph of 2017 would be a lot more erratic, going up and down, giving a feeling of hope followed by exasperation.
So what is one to do? I think this a stage that most Daygamers get to and so it deserves some attention. Firstly I won’t be giving up either of the regulars and I think it’s inevitable to become emotionally attached vis-a-vis there will always be regulars. I don’t know how far I would be able to push without regulars, to have the hunger for a new lay more often.
The impatience will stay and so will the squeezing. The answer lies in becoming even more efficient and with 58:1 there’s clearly still lots of room for improvement. I went on 37 Daygame dates this year. If I got four extra lays and moved as close as possible to that mythical 50% date conversion my ratio would be 45:1. To do that, I’ll have to ignore the urge that the impatience provides. At a more specific level I need to build my ability to do first dates when I know that there won’t be sex. That’s tough considering the London dating culture and my own experience but I’ll push through it. My problem has always been over-escalating rather than under. My low-res plan right now is to mentally classify each girl as a first or second date lay before the date and follow that plan religiously.
What about beyond 45:1? Then it becomes more about spotting the 1 in 45 and ignoring the others and pushing for more SDLs. I’m becoming more and more convinced that many girls will sleep with you only if it is an SDL.
5 thoughts on “When Abundance Becomes the Problem (and what to do about it)”
Agree with the SDL bit in the end. However, a strong intent is needed while leaving home. I am guilty of letting go a lot of sets who were walking aimlessly, taking their numbers to meet them later Only because I was too lazy/having a nice time with my wing.
With a wing it’s fine, you can always suggest a delayed idate.
Totally agree. Even if I go out almost daily, when I spot a set in the back of my mind often I can’t help thinking ‘my regular is hotter’, ‘my regular doesn’t look that dumb” etc. So basically regulars work subconsciously as an excuse to fall back into weasel mindset.
It’s a not a weasel mindset. You need a suitable risk/reward payoff to have sex outside a relationship (your regular is your effectively your “hormonal girlfriend” even if you declare your non-monogamy).