When Abundance Becomes the Problem (and what to do about it)

An old adage among Daygamers says that abundance is the solution to all your problems, and no doubt I agree, but only to a point. For a beginner, abundance is the solution to all the troubles of your life but I can safely say I’m beyond that stage now. This year I’ve seen how abundance becomes the problem, rather than the solution.

The state of play is this: I’ve had a regular for the whole year who’s become a pseudo-girlfriend and another girl has come back into play as a regular. I see the former twice a week and the latter maybe once every week and a half. Needless to say I’m not wanting for sex and affection. But where does that put me in regard to pick-up?

I’ve become very impatient with my leads and this has grown into that ‘my way or the highway’ approach I described in my post on dating. Over texting I spot the downfall before it happens but I let it play out precisely because I can’t be bothered to play the perfect game. In set it happens even faster and I can spot if a girl is on straight away, and if she isn’t, my demeanour shifts and I lose motivation. Both of those examples are cases of me filtering much harder than before. That’s not to say I’ve had shit results this year: while the absolute number of lays is less (14 vs 18) the process is much more efficient (82:1 to 58:1).

The interesting side-effect of this demeanour is that while I am in an abundance of sex (which I’m sure shows positively) I don’t have an abundance of leads. I’ve been squeezing my leads this year to see if sex comes out the other end, fast. If it doesn’t then I move on instantly and the number gets archived. I think that lack of abundance of leads takes away some of the ‘I’m a boss’ feeling that pick-up can give you i.e. the sensation gained when you turn your phone on and there’s always a new message. If you graphed my 2018 experience it would be like a heart rate monitor with these sudden jumps of experience and then weeks of flat.

Sidenote: this may be the optimal state to be in. Perhaps in 2017 I was just fooling myself by being optimistic about leads which would never end in sex. A graph of 2017 would be a lot more erratic, going up and down, giving a feeling of hope followed by exasperation.

So what is one to do? I think this a stage that most Daygamers get to and so it deserves some attention. Firstly I won’t be giving up either of the regulars and I think it’s inevitable to become emotionally attached vis-a-vis there will always be regulars. I don’t know how far I would be able to push without regulars, to have the hunger for a new lay more often.

The impatience will stay and so will the squeezing. The answer lies in becoming even more efficient and with 58:1 there’s clearly still lots of room for improvement. I went on 37 Daygame dates this year. If I got four extra lays and moved as close as possible to that mythical 50% date conversion my ratio would be 45:1. To do that, I’ll have to ignore the urge that the impatience provides. At a more specific level I need to build my ability to do first dates when I know that there won’t be sex. That’s tough considering the London dating culture and my own experience but I’ll push through it. My problem has always been over-escalating rather than under. My low-res plan right now is to mentally classify each girl as a first or second date lay before the date and follow that plan religiously.

What about beyond 45:1? Then it becomes more about spotting the 1 in 45 and ignoring the others and pushing for more SDLs. I’m becoming more and more convinced that many girls will sleep with you only if it is an SDL.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown