Is It Working?
This is a question you’ll probably be asking yourself as you go along.
Signs it’s working i.e. she is falling into your frame:
- She obviously jumps to qualify herself to a value you’ve espoused
- She turns to face you on her twelve o’clock
- She leans forward
- She gives long sustained eye contact. The eye contact appears ‘deep.’ She appears to be lost in your eyes in the way that a prey animal is cornered by the eyes of a predator.
- Gaps form in the conversation but rather than feeling awkward they feel as if they are filled with sexual tension.
- She herself gives longer and more involved answers
In particular watch her eye contact as both of these show high interest:
- Is she giving you smiley K energy?
- Is she giving you simmering r energy?
Signs it’s not working:
- The opposites to signs above
- In particular if she fails to qualify herself without a corresponding challenging (but sexual) eye contact. For example if she says ‘I don’t have a dream/plan’ or that she religiously sticks to her script which says that ‘only personality matters.’ A way to prove that she’s lying is to ask her the same questions if you kiss her later on. Then you’ll find out the true answers. It’s all to do with her interest. If she doesn’t have enough interest i.e. your perceived SMV isn’t higher than hers, she won’t qualify to you.
How then to react to her? If she’s not showing interest you have one of two options:
- Assume she’s shy and press ahead. I’ve had dates before where the girl is nervous and so she won’t answer my questions because she’s scared she’ll say something wrong. You’ll be able to tell this by her reluctance to answer any questions in detail and a strange liking for trite conversation; as in, she’ll literally perk up when you start talking about holidays, brothers and sisters, cats and dogs, etc. The answer is to proceed but with more comfort because the interest is already there.
- Assume she’s not interested enough and loop back around. Move back into the preliminary stage where you’re jumping off into mini-monologues. Maybe take a bathroom break to give an actual break to the conversation and then return and begin again.
If she is showing positive signals then you should of course show your own. You can do this by adjusting your seating so that she’s on your 11 o’clock or 1 o’clock. You can lean forward more when you’re describing something that you’re interested in before going back to your original position. When you have those deep sustained bouts of eye contact then think about fucking her; she’ll see it in your eyes. If she’s K then smile more as if what she’s saying is endearing to you. If she’s r then smirk and eye up her body as she talks more.
If it’s going exceedingly well then invite her to bring her chair over and sit closer to you at a right angle. I think a right-angle is better for this situation, not next to you, because you maintain easy eye contact. In this position you can escalate the kino a little more, but not too much, not yet. You want to build sexual tension to your advantage and not squander it. Venue one is about amassing a load of kindling and drenching it in lighter fluid. Venue two is about lighting the spark.
Placing Her on the r/K Spectrum
This is our last piece of information we want to consider before going to our final decision making. It’s important to place a girl on the r/K spectrum but first let’s distinguish between interest and r/K.
Interest: her sexual or romantic interest; if you’ve made it to this camp then you’re a viable candidate for sex under some sort of paradigm. A necessary but insufficient condition to fuck a girl.
r/K: her sexual strategy.
In order to fuck her, you’re going to have to align both camps. You need her to be interested and to be offering the same sexual strategy, or at least temporarily flip her into your desired sexual strategy. Take these examples: having fast sex with a 29 year old will be difficult because you’re working against her body agenda even if she finds you attractive; a slow buildup to sex and a long term relationship with a 21 year old party girl will be difficult because your strategies misalign. Examples of aligned strategy but low interest can easily be found where your specific typing doesn’t match hers, but there would need to be some level of interest for her to be on the date.
This blog is concerned with an r-selected strategy so we are interested in either exacerbating a girl’s pre-existent r strategy which is achieved through a poker-faced frame and relentless escalation or awakening the r schema in a predominantly K-selected girl. As an aside, remember that for a regular K girl to meet a guy in the street and fuck him after two dates is an exciting and probably one-off adventure.
How are we supposed to r-ify the K girls? We’ve actually been doing it the whole time: tingles by your street stop, calibrated in-set kino, closing proximity to her, leading towards the number then the date then on the date itself, general penetration of her humdrum life, etc. It’s all down to how competent you’ve shown yourself to be so far and how you appear relative to the K-selected men in her life.
Then we’ve given her the spark to light the whole thing through social acuity. Social acuity is “long range tingles” because it allows you to speak in subcommunication. It lets you be a lot more direct because you’re using an unspoken language. The funny thing is that when you are on a date with a girl who doesn’t get subcommunication it’s a lot harder to get your point across because it’s against social etiquette, and probably just crass, to escalate overtly. She actually has you in a bind. That’s why we are looking for girls who “get it”: because it’s easier to convey intent.
Here are some ways to differentiate between r and K girls:
- Brighter vivid colours or all black, instances of leather, exposed skin, dyed hair, dark eye makeup (in particular “wings”), esoteric and different, clothing which draws attention, piercings and tattoos, esoteric jewelry
- Coherent and complimentary colours, warmer and softer clothes where comfort is more important, cute jewelry with hearts especially
- Look out for the “Qualifying K” as well where it appears that the girl has tried to dress like you, or to impress you but not in a vulgar way
- Adventure, travel, anything illegal, drinking, nightclubs, being in opposition to something, rebelliousness, dissatisfaction with her job / the government / ‘the man’
- Family, tradition, she speaks fondly of her background, friends and family, agreeable or at least conflict avoidant
- Seductive, simmering
- She shows dissatisfaction with her job, plans to quit, wants more freedom
- Wants to “get on,” wants to help people, animals or the environment (but is not a militant activist), quiet ambition, wants to stay in one place
Her Type / What She’s Attracted To:
- Focuses on physical features, confidence and dominance. Value building traits.
- Focuses on boyfriend-y traits such as kindness, intelligence and other personality traits such as theses. Comfort building traits.
- Shows off esoteric jewelry without being prompted, you get a general sense that she enjoys being the centre of attention, enjoys getting a slight tug when you draw her hand towards you.
- Modestly lets you look
Now that was a long list but don’t be intimidated. The aim isn’t to give her an exact placement but rather to say she’s ‘more r’ or ‘more K.’
This is the last stage of the first venue. Maybe you should take a bathroom break at this point to mull over what’s happened so far. Using her actions, her reaction to your qualification and kino, and how you’ve placed her on the r/K spectrum choose one of the following:
- Attempt to kiss her in the next venue then back off for a D3 run at the summit
- Kiss her then offer the bounce to yours (I would personally use a third venue if you have to take a cab; if you’re in walking distance then you can ride the momentum all the way back to yours)
- Repeat the above plan but in a second venue
You could reframe those options as being:
- K-selected with interest
- r-selected with interest
- Insufficient interest / particular dating script
With your answer return to the table, check that she’s finished her drink and say “let’s go, next place.”
All that’s left is to walk her to venue two and execute your plan. I find that if venue one is done correctly then the train is already on the right tracks; you just have to push it forward with your escalation. I purposefully left out cases of fast escalation here because they are more like special situations. I wanted to create a guide which shows how I do my first venues in general, not when there’s a specific time limit or extenuating circumstances. Maybe in future I’ll do a second venue post but in the meantime, I hope this helps. It’s certainly helped me to crystallise my own ideas on how to run first venues.
You can read about Lisa’s story here because she turned into a full lay. Lisa was a 23 year old German girl who began as what I thought was a weak lead but turned into a strong one; in fact when I fucked her I think she was at the end of her period because there was a little bit of blood. That would explain why she took longer bathroom breaks during the date: to put in a new tampon I think, or possibly to take it out just before we had sex. Overall it meant that I caught her during her window: one of the times when she’ll act out of character.
Lisa turned up and gave very strong interested K signals: she gave off the smiley K energy eye contact and was wearing an outfit with complementary colours which included a leather jacket (the Qualifying K). She also clearly considered herself intelligent and had a specific answer to the ‘what’s the dream’ question so qualifying her was inevitable; girls like this will endeavour to make the conversation interesting because it’s in their particular blueprint. It plays into your hands because she greases the wheels of her own qualification. She eventually gave off all of the signals that she had fallen into my frame.
Given her strong interest and K signalling, plus the fact that she said she needed to be up early the next day (I actually brought this back up later on to make sure), I decided to build to the kiss then back off.
Anna is a 29 year old married half Russian half Spanish girl who was in the process of getting divorced. I closed her on the premise of a drink and over the first one I got around to asking about the ring she was wearing. I commented that in the UK that’s where you wear your wedding ring and she revealed that she actually was married. She thrusted it forward for me to look at and said it in a way that made me think it was a challenge to see how I’d react, and she followed it up with conversation on non-monogamy. Probably she was doing her own digging on where I stood on the r/K spectrum. She kept on reiterating that she was ‘different’ to other people, whatever that really means, but I’m framing it in my favour that she wants to have her fun now given she married early. She has an interesting mixture of the K background but with an r-selected impetus.
The issue with Anna was that I’m younger than her (26 vs 29). This makes pulling a girl into your frame a lot, lot harder. A follow on from the age disparity is that her body agenda is working against me. In this case I’m relying on two things: that my prediction is correct, and that I can catch her during her window.
I have a kind of pact with myself that if I’m on a date with a girl who’s older than me that I push as far as possible that night, so rather than choosing to just re-run the first venue elsewhere I went for the K option. Predictably she rejected my attempts to kiss her, twice, but I think it was a clear show of intent and I wanted to see what would happen if I went for it just in case she did too. We’re still in touch and I hope to get her out on another date to see if the escalation progresses, and whether my prediction of her wanting her fun now is correct.
Marie is a 26 year old Brazilian who quit her job as a lawyer to go traveling around the world. She’s another interesting case of where to place her on r/K because on one hand she has a lot of tattoos and had quit her job, but on the other hand she has a strong relationship with her parents, especially her father.
We met in a pub and the seating wasn’t as good, two armchairs at slight angles to each other, but she let the kino go a lot further than hands and I thought I saw interest in the fact that she was drinking pints of beer. I had a look at all of her jewelry and got very close to her face without her reacting negatively at all.
Kissing her in the second venue was relatively easy but as I moved into the Questions Game she was reluctant to answer the higher end of the escalated questions such as ‘what turns you on?’ and ‘what’s your favourite position?’ Her giving off that signal is the same as when a girl gives you non-answers to your ‘what’s the dream?’ and ‘what are you attracted to?’ questions. I should have had another drink in the second venue to run through that again and see if I could get a better response.
GIven the r signals I got from her and the fact that she was travelling I decided to push for the lay that evening. I walked her to my place and she came in for five minutes before leaving. I think she’s the sort of girl who would definitely fuck on the second date, and so I’m patiently waiting for her to come back to London in a few months time, sending a photo ping every once in a while to keep me in her mind.
Magda was a 28 year old Polish girl – again the age disparity hurt – who showed another weird mix of r/K. She was heavily r-selected in appearance (tattoos, piercings, clothing, etc.) but I met her as she was going home from church; she even wore a ring with the ‘Our Father’ prayer marked on it. I learned over the course of the date that she’d had boyfriends before and so I went with the r-selected option (I was fairly sure she wasn’t a virgin): to push for the bounce that evening at least to show I had the balls to do so. Unfortunately she rejected my kiss attempt in the second venue (twice) and in all honesty I think she just wanted the attention. It was one of those dates where the girl turns up looking for a great conversation which is directed towards painting her in a positive light. This isn’t conducive for qualification because I imagine it gives her cognitive dissonance when she allows the frame control.
I could feel the escalation stalling and didn’t want to get drunk with her just for the possibility of sex. In this case I played the percentages by calling the date after a couple of hours – I thought this would be a three date job where we kissed on the second date and had sex on the third – but a few days later I got ‘The Text’ saying she thought we wanted different things and that we shouldn’t see each other again. I was happy to let her go.
I think in this case a Daygamer with a preference for banter would have won the day (age aside). I prefer deep conversation and escalation – that’s what excites me. This is a case where the girl and I were playing the same sexual strategy overall just the wrong level of interest.