London Mindsets

I was having a beer with another Daygamer a few days ago and he asked me what my mindsets were when I was out in London (emphasis on “my”). In the moment I started listing some and then boldly claimed I could list ten. So in a blatant rip-off of a recent podcast, here they are:

Don’t expect to do any sets

Now, it’s quite rare that I’d go out and do no sets at all. In fact, I don’t think it’s ever happened. But on a rare occasion I’ll only do a couple of sets. The point of this mindset is to encourage you to not build your expectations before you go out there. If you tell yourself you’re going to do X sets, you’re putting yourself under undue pressure. What if they’re just not out there today? Then you’re approaching off of compulsion rather than for a reason, and that leads to creepy Daygame.

Approach for a reason not just to do sets

Always have a reason to do the approach, whether it’s because she’s really hot, gives you an IOI, has an odd style, looks cliche in some way, etc. Approaching plain Janes with no reason at all means you’re just flipping stones and so you may as well just be spam approaching and flipping as many as possible. It’s damaging for your vibe when you feel as if you’re enslaved to opening a particular number of sets and end up going for girls purely to reach that number, not just because you really want to. The other upside of only approaching for a reason is that even if you get blown out, you don’t feel bad for it because you knew you had to do that set anyway.

Monitor for IOIs

Given you’re doing less sets you need to be doing something else: monitoring for IOIs. Let your eyes sweep the girls who are coming towards you for sets you want to do but look at their eyes specifically and see what they’re looking at. It’s a constant activity and turns Daygame into walking meditation because your mind is occupied by this one task. And of course, this will help you in deciding which sets to do.

Know your route

One thing that allows you to focus on monitoring for IOIs is to know your route: you won’t need to think about where you’re going and your legs will move of their own accord. That means that your mind is freed up to looking at/for potential sets.

Approach straight away (three second rule)

Given you’re scanning the streets properly and you identify a set you need to make your mind up immediately. Let her walk past, wait three seconds and go. Sometimes just walking after the set will convince you that you are going to do it, so focus on just moving towards her This is a classic piece of advice but one I still follow quite religiously. If I’m not after her straight away then there’s a potential lack of reasons for me to approach. Then I’d need to question whether I really wanted to do it or not, and quite potentially not do it. Remember that you’re at your best when you act on instinct.

The invisible clock

This is another reason to approach as quickly as possible: the second she sees you an invisible clock starts ticking and the longer you take to approach, the less respect she has for you. Daygame is a premeditated act but it should appear spontaneous to her. Better to act on instinct and fudge your way through an opener and stack than follow her for 30 seconds and approach with that “[tease]…tudduh!” mindset. Also by approaching immediately you capitalise on the initial rush of adrenaline you get from going after a set, plus AA gets less time to set in.

Enjoy your environment

The worst thing you can be is the negative Nelly who complains about everything. “It’s raining,” “it’s too cold,” “it’s too busy,” “there are too many Daygamers here, this place is burned,” etc, is just going to pull your vibe down. Now sometimes these thoughts are right, it doesn’t feel too nice to be out Daygaming, but there is always a silver lining you can apply to any situation so look for them and point them out in your thoughts. Look out for nice dogs, people having fun, surreal things that look silly, the sun hitting your face; anything that feels or looks nice. It’s important to break the hold that a negative thought has on you as soon as possible.

Set a limit not based on results

Tell yourself you’re going to do a loop of your route or walk the same route for two hours, for example. If you set yourself a results-based goal (including set based goals) you’ll start to approach out of compulsion and you’ll lose the great feeling of efficiency that comes from only approaching the girls you really want to approach. Or you’ll start to approach particular girls to reach your goal of getting an i-date or getting a number which will give you a dirty kind of feeling deep inside.

Don’t be afraid to go off the clock or finish early

This often happens when you feel the compulsion to approach but really don’t want to. At that point it’s a good idea to either take a break or stop completely, but always give yourself another chance first. So for example, if you’ve walked for 45 minutes and haven’t seen a girl you like yet, don’t call it off there, at least give yourself another half an hour to keep on looking, but when that time is over then feel free to go home. It’s the endless searching that leads someone into experiencing The Compulsion (I might start using that phrase more…).

Your job is to make your wing happy

I found it really hard to get to nine, as it happens, and so I’ve cheated and thrown a winged one on the end. Following wing rules is a part of this one because they were born out of your particular disagreements plus some general things anyone would find irritating. But overall the aim of a winged session is primarily to enjoy your time with your wing, rather than the sets and the girls. It’s one of those situations that works in reverse: focus on having a good time with your wing and that good feeling will carry over into your sets. Your wing is not merely a guy who walks next to you as you complete your own sets.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown