Same day lays are often considered the holy grail of Daygame. Why mess around with all that texting and waiting if you could just bang the girl today? It’s a good point. Girls are inherently flakey and emotional and so even if you had a strong set where she showed high interest it doesn’t mean you’re going to get the lay. Why not take that strong positive energy and ride it all the way to the finishing line?
The reason is that there’s an optimal amount of escalation for each girl. “Always going for the SDL” is a very strong filter and so you may be filtering out girls who you could lay. This post will go through the signals I personally look for in judging whether to go for the SDL or not.
My baseline is to take a number after a 5-10 minute conversation and move on. I’ve never been one to talk for a long time and so most of my sets end up towards the lower end of that range.
I also don’t i-date unless I think there’s a good chance of a SDL, except for in some special occasions:
- It’s the end of the day where I think the possibility of an SDL is low but I won’t open any more sets anyway
- The possibility of an SDL is low but logistics force my hand, such as the girl only being in town for a very short amount of time
- It’s a Friday or Saturday night and it makes sense to move straight to the date (plus she’ll be hit on elsewhere if I don’t)
- I don’t feel like Daygaming and so I try and square the circle by Daygaming by not Daygaming (on an i-date)
If I’m being entirely honest I prefer first date lays to SDLs. It might sound odd but I prefer the discrete nature of events which you get from doing your session then filtering the leads. That way you can relax after each stage and prepare for what’s coming next.
But of course, I’d rather have a lay than not have a lay, and some girls can only be SDLd. That is, if you let them go then you’ll lose them due to flakiness or logistics. These are the situations where the optimal amount of escalation would be to push for the SDL and the reward is worth the risk. That means I’ll demand a certain level of hotness to commit to going for a SDL since, as I mentioned earlier, I like the discrete nature of number collecting and filtering.
So what signals do I look for? Namely high availability (both logistical and in terms of her having a boyfriend) and high interest.
In terms of traditional availability if a girl said she had a boyfriend then I typically wouldn’t go for the SDL. It can happen, of course, but usually girls bring up boyfriends if a) they actually have one and are faithful, or b), are trying to use an imagined boyfriend to escape.
In terms of logistical availability she needs to be free for at least the next few hours, if not the rest of the day/evening. I’ve found that girls will latch onto something mentally and use it as an obstacle. So if she says she’s meeting her friends, even if it’s not for a few hours, it will still be the thing she returns to in the “should I shouldn’t I?” mental battle. Having that appointment up ahead means you’re in a race against time which could easily work against you.
Now to what extent should you believe her? I approach Daygame with the assumption that the girl is acting in good faith. That means if she says she has an appointment later that day then I believe her. I personally don’t think it’s worth it trying to second guess whether a girl is telling the truth on the matter or not.
If she says she has plans but they seem whimsical: shopping, exploring, etc, then I will make a decision on the fly as to whether to go for the SDL or not. In general, appointments with other people I tend not to try and overrule but it is much more up in the air for appointments not involving other people.
In both cases I’ll be assessing whether to go down the SDDL route. This would especially be the case if she appears to be halfway through something right now but would be free within the next hour or so.
You have all the standard signs of interest: she gives you an IOI, she stops instantly, she maintains strong eye contact, she allows proximity, etc.
But in particular I’ve found that if there’s a significant moment of physical touch which goes above and beyond your regular set then that’s a very good sign. In the past this has meant touching a girl’s hair near her face without her moving at all and on one occasion actually touching her bra. It doesn’t need to be a big move, you’re really just looking to see if she has any aversion to you touching her in a more sexual than usual place.
I’ve also had a few successful SDLs where the girl had a kind of “darkness” to her and/or gives challenging eye contact. It’s something you sense more than you can describe but in those cases I did note that there was a little bit of bite to her responses when I teased her and sometimes sarcasm.
Lastly, as noted in Infinite, the time of day appears to affect the chances for a SDL as well. Girls just seem to feel more anonymous at night plus it would be natural to move straight to having a drink rather than take the coffee venue run-up. In fact, 5/7 of my SDLs have happened from a nighttime (Gutter Game) approach.
In contrast all three of my SDDLs came through daytime approaches where it felt like it was too early in the day to i-date. In those cases I let her go, met up with her later on and accepted the break for what it is: an additional filter.
As time has gone on I’ve got more SDLs and SDDLs. While part of it has been because I am better able to spot the signals above it’s also because of improvements in my Inner Game and me expanding into Jaunts. For the former I have more commanding eye contact and can subconsciously communicate the fact that I’ll be driving straight towards sex and am not interested in anything else. And the latter has driven me into more situations where it was either SDL or bust. This time though it is because I was the one leaving town rather than her.
Hopefully that helps you with getting some more SDLs.