I’m going to turn this into a small series and bring out a post where I have lessons to share from a previous coaching session. This weekend’s student was called Chris – his testimonial is now on the coaching and testimonials page – and here are a few points from the couple of hours of infield coaching he did.
Style, Power and Warmth
Immediately on meeting any student I’ll give them the once over and see where they can improve their style and looks. If they’re overweight, I’ll tell them to lose it. If their fashion is bad, I’ll tell them to change it (though I’d probably save both of these pieces of advice to later on in the session so as to not start on the wrong foot). Chris’ style was good and he kept himself in good shape, so there wasn’t anything to comment on there, but I advised him to add a few specific accessories to his outfit to increase his perceived power. I went over how charisma could be broken down into presence, power and warmth, with the former coming from speaking slowly, using slower gestures and listening intently.
When it comes to power and warmth, most guys will predominantly show one of the two, and so need to balance themselves out with a bit of the other. Chris had a lot of warmth to his personality, and, being younger, had a bit of a baby face (if he doesn’t mind me saying). Therefore I advised him on upping the power of his outfit. The opposite could be said of me: I give off a lot of power and can be very intimidating, and so need to balance it with a warmer personality.
We also talked about how this would feed into his openers. I told him that most guys don’t even tease, and so they go straight from the compliment to the stack, almost saying to the girl “I like you, please can we talk?” Then up from that would be putting the girl into a little story by commenting on, for example, how she looked like a character from a Disney movie or a fairy tale. It’s a sweet thing to say, but it conveys a lot of warmth, and Chris had that already, which meant he needed to go up another level and give his teases some bite, which would again increase the power of his approach.
Proximity, Touch and Intent
As with a lot of guys Chris was doing his sets just a bit too far away. Not super-far-away, beginner-esque, drive-a-bus-between-them distance, but still too far. He also seemed to be coming in too close while doing his front stops which can make a girl jump as you approach her. Therefore I advised him to use the rule of thumb to approach from an outstretched arm’s length away and to take a half step in while offering his hand and name. I explained how that, along with another moment of touch a minute or so later in the set, plus strong confident eye contact, would convey all the intent he needed. The only warning I gave him, and I’d done this earlier on in my Daygame career, was that he shouldn’t chase her down the street with half steps; if he moved forward, and she moved back, he should let her stay where she was and decide the appropriate distance.
Other Points: Comfort, Pre-Approach and Consistency
Chris seemed to be doing too much comfort in his sets. I asked him, rhetorically, if you did a 10 minute set, why not nine? Why not 11 minutes? The point being that there’s a checklist to get through and that less is more. As long as you’re not doing too little, you’ll be fine. In practice I noticed he was doing four comfort topics whereas three would have been just fine, and so I advised him that he could shorten his sets a little. Not to say that he should simply cut a girl off at the five minute mark and leave, but that him talking for longer wasn’t gaining him much.
Chris didn’t mind approaching masked girls but I let him know that it made the chances of getting a lay much lower. I told him how (like a lot of things) I wouldn’t do a set on a girl wearing a mask unless she gave me an IOI. Half of his approaches were on masked girls, and so in swapping out those girls for unmasked ones then he might get another number from his day’s work.
Lastly we covered consistency. Chris’ problem was that he wasn’t approaching enough. I think that for someone at his level – lower intermediate – he should be working his way up to those 25-30 sets a week, and should look to do an approach every 10-15 minutes. I advised him not to go overboard, though, because approach machines still suffer from AA. In fact, I think, over-approaching is commonly a sign of high AA, and that the guy is using each set as a hiding place from it. The thing those guys can’t stand is to simply walk around, enjoying themselves, and so by learning to practice Daygame at a moderate pace a guy can truly get over his AA.
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