Q&A: What Should I Do If A Stranger Comes Into The Set?

I got an email from a student called Mr S. He was asking about what to do if a stranger comes into the set and how often it happens to me. Specifically if they are a white knight/cockblocker/virtue signaller/”concerned onlooker.” This is an expanded version of my reply to him (I rattled off an initial response during rest periods between sets at the gym):

Yep, there will always be some people out there who will want to interfere with your set. The first key is to understand that they are acting emotionally. Arguments of logic won’t work here. The worst thing you can do in this situation is start trying to reason with them: “I’m within my right to talk to her. It’s her choice whether to take it or leave it. It’s not like I’m about to attack her or anything. It’s just a compliment anyway.”

If you try to meet their emotion – men envious of your ability to approach, women envious of them not being approached, men seeing an opportunity to White Knight and win her affections, men seeing an opportunity to AMOG you as a DHV, etc. – with logic, it will only compound your irritations and lead to an argument. That will just draw more strangers in and amp up the tension. You can’t win. You’re too heavily outnumbered.

Instead it is best to simply accept that this set is likely not going to go anywhere. You are most likely going to need to defuse the tension and take the loss. It’s better to tell them you just thought she looked really nice and thought you’d try your luck. A phrase like “try my luck” should appeal to the interloper’s sense of feminine centeredness. You can then attempt to turn back to the girl and continue the conversation as it was but the interloper will likely have spoiled the set. Plus the interloper will continue to lurk awkwardly.

That is unless the girl dismisses the interloper herself. For example, the interloper asks imploringly “Are you okay?” and she says “Yes.” The interloper slopes off with their tail between their legs (that would make a great nature program narrated by David Attenborough).

I should make a point here about physical size. It’s unlikely that an interloper will interrupt the set of a guy who’s bigger than him. You don’t pick fights which you can’t win, after all. Naturally if a dweeby guy who is smaller than you interrupts your set then you can be more ballsy in dismissing him as it will be a DHV to the girl if he retreats. He’s unlikely to escalate things.

In terms of statistics, in all the thousands of sets I’ve done in my Daygame career I think this has happened to me less than five times. Then again, I am freakishly tall, so if you’re smaller or (hate to say it) Asian (as there’s a stereotype that they are weaker) then there is a higher likelihood that an interloper will identify you as an easy target (my Asian wings have corroborated this).

The key, as ever, lies in calibration. Running after someone in the street isn’t calibrated. You’re allowed to let those girls go by. The same as doing a big front stop in a crowded area. Perhaps you need to come in from the side or make your stop a little softer. There’s a counter argument which says that will reduce your chances with her, but you can also argue that an interloper will reduce them more.

Plus you need to remember that the girl feels the Spotlight Effect as much as you do. Try to consider how she imagines she appears to those around you when you approach her. Are you going to try and run the set in the middle of a busy street or try and move her over to the side where it can look a lot more natural? Or consider changing the way you stand so it doesn’t look like such an obvious Daygame set. Or maybe you need to change where you’re Daygaming and where you’re stopping your sets? It’s a lot more natural to start a conversation in a relaxed area like Covent Garden versus Oxford Street, for example.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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