This is part three of a series I’ve been writing since March whenever I feel inspired. Today’s post is about developing and incorporating authenticity into your Daygame and why you should do it. Parts one and two can be found here and here respectively.
I should also say that this post is my interpretation on the topic. You can read Jabba’s Primal Seduction for more info and another take (as well as probably another gazillion articles and books elsewhere); I reviewed the book here.
What Is Authenticity And Why Is It Good To Have?
What is authenticity, really, and how does it relate to pick-up? Does it mean being “true to yourself?” Is it simply about being honest? How about expressing how you feel in that exact moment in time? It’s all of those things and more: acting authentically, for example, shows that you have a certain level of entitlement where you feel worthy of putting your own feelings first; it shows that you’re comfortable with being vulnerable in that you can put yourself on the line and aren’t afraid of judgement; it’s means being congruent.
Hopefully you can already see why having authenticity is a good thing; at least in that you won’t feel like a fraud and are expressing high self-esteem traits. But why is authenticity a plus when trying to pick-up women?
Women are like bloodhounds when it comes to authenticity and congruency*: the entire human race depends on it. If women couldn’t accurately detect, by and large, when a man was lying then our genetic stock as a species would decline precipitously. When a woman senses inauthenticity her alarm bells go off: her body is telling her not to spend nine months incubating a child and however many years raising it when the guy’s evolutionary potential is in question. In short, authenticity allows a woman to better assess any potential child’s value.
* I use authenticity and congruency somewhat interchangeably in this post because if you act in accordance with how you feel – you’re authentic – then you’re also being congruent.
And here is another, incredibly important, reason why women value authenticity: if you speak on an emotional level, conveying the feeling you have in that moment, then you communicate on the level she values most. Not only will she sense that you’re actually talking to her, and not at her – as if she was just another stepping stone on your “path to greatness” – she will backwards induce that you are very comfortable talking to women and have had positive experiences with them in the past: pre-selection.
But don’t get me wrong, you won’t be able to smash your quality ceiling just by being authentic. Instead it will allow you to go a little bit further up inside the window provided by your looks because you’ll express another attractive trait. That’s a huge benefit: something I want to highlight because I had a huge range of reactions to my last two posts; ones which some people are – half jokingly and half seriously- labelling as Black Pill. The reason why I wanted to highlight this is because most people underestimate how big a 0.25 jump is in your average quality and how good it will make you feel.
How Can Intermediates Act Authentically?
The problem then becomes: how do anyone but naturals pick up girls? It’s a good question because it’s nearly impossible for a beginner to act authentically all the time when he’s inwardly screaming “I really don’t want to do this!” It’s a bit like suggesting that someone eat intuitively i.e. eat whatever they feel like eating in that moment. If they do that, and they don’t already have good habits, then they are going to become obese. Bringing this back to pick-up: if an unattractive guy expresses his authentic self then surely he will only express unattractive traits?
To mix metaphors: how do I get a job, which requires work experience, which requires a job, which requires work experienece, etc… I will get back to beginners at the end of this post but want to skip the queue and start with intermediates:
A helpful analogy used in the pick-up community is that of the hindbrain-forebrain. When it comes to a Daygamer his forebrain says “I want to learn to pick-up women” and his hindbrain says “but what will people think, I’m not attractive enough, etc.” As a beginner you’re forced to get the hindbrain on your side by coercing it with promises of “just do these 10 sets and it’s over,” “I’ll treat myself with a slice of cake afterwards” or perhaps “I’m only going out to buy a pair of jeans and if I see a girl I like I’ll approach her.” But once you’re at the intermediate stage your hindbrain and forebrain are somewhat in alignment: Daygame is no longer torture and is hopefully fun for you. This is the point where it’s much easier to recommend being authentic because you no longer have that inward screaming that the beginner has.
So what are some ways an intermediate can introduce authenticity into their Game?
1. Stop approaching girls you don’t want to, i.e. stop “trying to get the approaches in just to hit a target.”
Always remember there’s no Daygame police. There’s no officer who’s going to pull you up and put points on your Daygame licence for not doing “ten sets in two hours.” If off the back of that recommendation you’re asking yourself “how am I supposed to get laid without mass approaching?” then consider this: how did those mass approaches ever change the result with the lays you had? I mean it: remember your Daygame lays and the sets and ask yourself whether the approaches you did that day before your set of glory actually changed the result.
You might claim they warmed you up and so you felt more confident while talking to her. But what’s more important: being warmed up, or your vibe, mannerisms, tone, masculinity, dominance, looks, style, subcomms and non-verbals, body language, etc. One important mental step to take as an intermediate is to realise that your verbals don’t matter much.
As an exercise try this: go out and be purposefully normal in the way that you speak. See how it impacts your results.
Now put this in the context of being authentic: how authentic can you be when you’re approaching a girl, ostensibly to try and fuck her, but the furthest your desire goes is “I wouldn’t mind having sex with her. If she was on my bed and she said ‘go on then, stick it in,’ I would.” And look, I get that not every girl you approach will have you lusting after her thinking “I REALLY WANT TO FUCK THIS GIRL” but you have to find the balance: stop approaching girls just to keep yourself “topped up.” If you can’t find enough girls that you have some real desire for then that’s okay. Even if your wings find her attractive but she’s not your type. Again: that’s okay. You can pick the kind of girls you like and go after them.
2. Stop using “nice” as a compliment and understand the true reason for teasing/challenging/bantering/(“attraction material”)
You walked, or even ran, back after her just to say she looked “nice?” That just doesn’t sound like enough motivation. Sure, you can and probably have got laid from saying she looked nice but it was because of the reasons above (vibe, looks, etc, etc.) and not because you tried to engage in a “give it and then take it away” game (“you look nice but…” which in structural terms would be “I like you but I’m going to pretend not to”). Yes you have to “want but not need her” (freedom from outcome) but this comes from your vibe and how relaxed you are. She can sense this in you.
Instead of nice, say exactly the word you would use to describe her in your mind such as beautiful, lovely, feminine, elegant, striking, stylish, etc. Even sexy!
Someone might ask “aren’t you giving away too much of yourself?” No: she places higher value on an in-the-moment expression of emotion than on that low investment compliment which you’ve tactically picked out. If you pack a punch of emotion into the beginning of your time talking to her she can become immediately drawn to it and led by it. This is literally what it means to speak to her on an emotional level: conveying how you feel. Just please note that I’m not recommending you be overly complimentary; one will do and you should be comfortable knowing you packed enough emotional punch into your opener that it will last.
This is why the approaches you really want to do always seem to go better: because you mean it; everything is in alignment. They’re the sets where I find, at least, that I don’t care which way they go. Of course, I’d like to get the result, but my mind goes along the path of thinking “I had to do that set” as if it was willed by some external force. That way I feel absolved whichever way the set goes.
Bringing this onto “attraction material:” Torero used to say “attraction is created in the push.” I disagree with this in the sense that she knows you want to have sex with her – you’re not actually pushing her away – but by teasing/challenging/bantering/using “attraction material” you’re simply having a fun conversation and having fun with her means she will like you more. I don’t disagree that attraction material encourages her to like you, but I see it from the perspective of you and her having fun, not her thinking you’re being serious and that you are teasing her because you don’t like her. This also ties into one of the benefits of being authentic: pre-selection; if you’re comfortable enough to have fun with her she can backwards induce you’ve had fun with girls in the past.
Finally, think of this in the opposite: does it make sense that you can be an unattractive man (bad looking, poor vibe, poor posture, feminine, etc.) but get her to like you by “pushing her away?”
3. Drop all lines and say what comes to mind
This one should be self-explanatory but to clarify I don’t mean sliding back into your chode days in terms of what you say. As I alluded to with the analogy on intuitive eating, it’s all about the habits. Good habits are what you form as a beginner.
So what I’m saying here is that if something funny comes to mind, say that, but if not, then whatever comes to mind first is the best thing to say. Girls can tell when you’re thinking of what to say and it shows that you’re trying to impress them. I would again recommend trying that exercise of purposefully normalising your verbals for a time and seeing the result.
4. Only go on dates you actually want to and be willing to walk away from dates and leads you don’t like
The main point here is that you have to move away from this mindset that “Daygame and dating means a certain amount of suffering.” Effective Daygame and dating is, contrary to popular belief, fun. To make something fun, first take away the parts which aren’t fun.
This will involve actually developing and practising some standards. Any girl can tell when you’re merely suffering her presence just to get to the notch; those notches are pyrrhic victories anyway and involve you whoring yourself out for sex. So if you’re in-set and think to yourself “I don’t actually like this girl’s personality” then it’s okay to wish her well and not try to take her number. If you’ve got a date set and you don’t want to go on it then cancel. If you’re one drink into a date and it turns out that you won’t get along with her, then politely bring it to a close.
One particular thing I would like to highlight is that if a girl says something that you don’t like – it expresses an unattractive trait – it’s okay to dislike her for it and act accordingly. Part of having and practicing standards is that you don’t see every bump in the road – what most people would call “shit tests” – as opportunities to search for the perfect comeback. Sometimes they say something about the girl that tells you to walk away.
5. In general, become more mindful and aware of your feelings
Throughout all these points you were dependent on knowing what you were feeling in that moment and so I want to make a wider recommendation to check in with yourself as often as you can to know how you’re feeling. This will hopefully let you become more attuned to your emotions which can then be channelled productively in the future. So if you’re talking to a particular girl and feeling nothing, well that’s your body telling you that you’re really not interested in her.
Just note that this isn’t a recommendation to develop traits of borderline personality disorder (men can suffer from it just as women can). There are some good examples of this in the pick-up community and they went down a dark path of long term unhappiness. It’s also not a recommendation to become a woman. Instead learn how to channel your emotions in a productive and sustainable way: part of being masculine, in my opinion, is having a level of stoicism and knowing when to listen to your emotions and when to override them with logic.
What About Beginners?
I don’t want people walking away from this post thinking that beginners should be inauthentic and incongruent and that it’s a privilege you only earn as an intermediate. But as I’ve talked about already, it’s hard to give advice for beginners which doesn’t contradict itself: the unattractive guy expressing his authentic unattractive self problem.
One thing I want to bring up is that you can, of course, still get laid while being inauthentic. In those cases the girl likes you in spite of your inauthenticity. Perhaps you’re just her type or she’s insanely horny that day. Or she likes your looks or money.
As with many things in Game you have to be able to hold contradictory views at the same time. You have to be able to know that your pick-up attempt sucked, but she liked you anyway, and also that she slept with you because of your pick-up attempt.
It’s quite common for beginners to overestimate the impact of Game for their lays. But that’s a good thing: it can be beneficial to believe in the magic power of Game because it makes you more invested in the action, more enthusiastic and more consistent. Then as a guy becomes intermediate he will often comment that “most of his lays feel like he just opened her then led her to sex;” this is part of his Inner Game journey to seeing how quickly a woman can become interested and for what reasons. If you were to put the intermediate’s eyes in the beginner’s head then he would start shouting at the beginner to move faster because of all the IOI’s she was giving him. All the while the beginner is thinking “I still need to do five more steps of escalation and a DHV before going for the kiss.”
This is a roundabout way of saying: we’re going to have to try and fudge the issue here. Yes you will do some approaches as a beginner which you really want to do. That’s great, you will find it easier to be authentic there. Then there will be some approaches which you do, some girls you are messaging and some dates you go on which you’re not so excited about. With any lays from the latter type of interactions, it’s still better to over-attribute your success to your Game even though deep down you know she probably liked other things about you.
To lessen the fudginess of the latter camp and try to bring more authenticity into your Game as a beginner, I think you need to change your goals. If you’re working on reducing your AA and set yourself a target of “ten sets in two hours” then that becomes your reason for approaching. Your reason for approaching isn’t to fuck her, it’s to reduce your AA. Even better than that, make your aim to get the girl to smile from your opener. Or make your aim “to have a nice conversation.” If you can only manage a hit and run, that will do. Do enough of those over time and you’ll see that there’s no blowback from doing a calibrated street approach: your AA will become manageable. The same could be said for dates. If you’re not sure if you should go on the date or message the girl, do it anyway. Try to have a nice conversation where both parties are enjoying themselves. Get more time talking to women in a romantic setting. Don’t see sex as the aim, only see it as a happy side effect of you trying to have fun and making the girl’s day. And look, if you’re not really that interested, you can even friendzone her if you like.
And I understand that you at least wouldn’t mind sleeping with her, but try to see it like playing a game of tennis with your friend: you’d like to win the match, but you’re really there to enjoy your friend’s company, have fun and get in some exercise. Then when you see the girls you really want to talk to, simply go for it and act authentically.
Yours unfaithfully,
Thomas Crown
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Thomas Crown PUA 
I feel like going mode one hihi. Na your right. Good article 😁
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