I’m lying on my bed and observing the colours of the sheets, the flowery pattern and pastel blue shades, and in this moment I have a realisation. I nurture it for a few more hours before re-heating a solid brick of egg fried rice and setting it aside to cool. Throughout writing I also realise that my head is firmly up my own arse, and that I am sorely tempted to tuck into this succulent Chinese meal.
The purity fantasy comes in more than one form. There’s the traditional form where we see a girl to be exactly that: ‘pure.’ Or at least ‘pure’ in the virginal sense. She’s so sweet that we could never imagine her going against our wishes. But then there are other, much more cunning versions of the purity fantasy. Here’s another: a girl seems so confident in her preferences that she will never slip back into the action that inspired her to create those preferences. I think there might be as many purity fantasies available to the male mind as there are petals on this duvet cover I spread myself on now, and they grow back like the hydra: break one and soon another will take its place.
Like a person who never thought that their house would be burgled, until it was. ‘That’s the sort of thing that happens to other people, not me.’ Then they install a better security system, and after an unspecified period of imagining foreign footsteps making imprints in their soft, clean carpet, they slip back into their feeling of bliss.
One might say that purity fantasies are evident and everywhere the method by which men protect their emotions when considering female capriciousness. Purity fantasies are the glue which holds society together. Without them a K-select is reduced to a directionless wreck who has to will himself out of bed every morning, one fingernail at a time.
But what about for the aspiring player? Knowing The Truth About Women sets him free. For the r-select, this knowledge has much greater value and leads to his happiness. To attain truth and happiness at the same time is perfect.
And this is why I think that living the two together is harder than being only r or only K. The former can pursue truth and happiness together but is less happy than the latter, who replaces the truth with denial and uses that denial to stoke the fires of his happiness. To walk the tightrope between the two relies on the individual being in selective denial, applying a set of beliefs to all but one woman, and a master of emotional segregation. Denial becomes not only a psychological phenomena for the tightrope walker but a desirable state. He wishes the wool can be pulled back over his eyes and realises why ignorance really is bliss.