I know what you are thinking. That I’m only 28. What can I have to say of value on this topic? Well I’ve been in a relationship for three years (four if you count the time spent as FBs) and so I hope I have something to say on this topic which can help you. Feel free to critique, comment and disregard anything here.
In the past couple of days I’ve conducted two Skype sessions where the guy wanted to talk about relationships. One was more concerned with dealing with knowledge of Red Pill truths while in an LTR. The other was more concerned with getting the best of both worlds i.e. uni-directional exclusivity where he can sleep with other girls but she is faithful to him.
On both calls I started off by stressing just how important it is to know what you want. If you know what you want then you can work out how to get it. You can also leave yourself open to good opportunities. If that girl happens to come along and she meets your criteria then you can feel comfortable reducing your player activity or even going monogamous if you want to.
This feeling of assurance is like gold dust. One of the defining features of female psychology is how they are led by their anxiety. Sperm is cheap and eggs are expensive. Women need to protect that which is expensive. They’re also physically weaker. It all leads to anxiety over the future. Hypergamy is just anxiety manifested as “is this the best guy I can get?” Their social anxiety is manifested as “does she really like me? Or is she just two-faced?” One of the key interplays between the masculine and the feminine is that the masculine has a positive and calming influence on the girl’s anxiety.
Now let’s look at what men and women roughly want to see happening in a relationship.
If a guy is going to be with a girl he needs to see that there’s an escalation in the physical side of things. He needs to know he’s moving towards sex otherwise he won’t put the effort in and will move on. In contrast a women, after sex, will want to see the emotional side of the relationship escalating i.e. towards mutual feelings being shared and further commitment.
And now onto different types of exclusivity:
In rough terms, men are primarily concerned with a woman’s physical exclusivity. The key is to ensure your woman isn’t impregnated by another man. A woman is primarily concerned with emotional exclusivity. A girl knows that if she is first and foremost in your heart that she can feel assured of escalating emotions and future commitment.
And this is why it’s so important to know what you want. If you know what you want then you can offer the kind of emotional escalation that a girl is after. You’ll be speaking congruently and can deal with her emotions with the absolute truth. You won’t have to respond to “The Talk” with some wishy-washy smoke and mirrors designed to string her along.
Here are some of the criteria I would advise you to look for. These are the criteria I used to make my decision as well.
The first is to think about her family background. We all take the lead from our parents and, in a way, become them. There’s an odd circular logic to human existence where we spend our lives auditioning to be good parents. Then when we become parents we start teaching our kids how to eventually become good parents. They then repeat the cycle.
I frame things this way because I see everything in Game as us subverting the desire to have kids. When we’re attracted to someone it’s not because of them, per se, it’s because of the potential children.
So if you want to see how a girl would do in an LTR then have a look at her parents and the family structure. If her father is the patriarch of the family then she’s going to expect that frame. If her parents are still together then she’ll expect the relationship to last. In contrast if her parents broke up at some point in her life then that will exist as a possibility for her. I’m lucky in that my parents met and were married in their early twenties. The prospect of separating seems like an alien concept for me.
Then there are three connections I like to define: physical, emotional and intellectual. There might be other connections that you personally would like to share with an LTR such as spiritual or religious.
When it comes to a physical connection I don’t mean whether you do or do not have sex. It’s more about the frequency and willingness. Two people with similar sexual drives will get on well and I define that as a strong sexual connection. Remember that men can have low sex drives as well so it’s perfectly acceptable to have a low sex drive pairing. I have a higher sex drive myself and so would liken my relationship to something like Gomez and Morticia Addams. When there’s a mismatch: there’s going to be a problem eventually. I recommend reading the oft overlooked Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man by David Clare for more info on this.
For an emotional connection I mean shared emotions and a feeling of comfort in the presence of the other person. This is the kind of person who you can actually have comfortable silences with. You get good feels from just being near them. If there’s a lack of emotional connection you’ll find that the relationship is very mechanical and more of a transactional exchange. Although in fairness these girls make good FBs due to them making few if any demands of you.
Lastly there’s having an intellectual connection. These are the kind of girls where you feel like you can talk about anything with them even if they’re not interested in it to start with. The kind where you feel excited to talk about things. Where an intellectual connection is lacking there’s a greater weight placed on one party to be the talker. It can get exhausting.
I’m guessing I’ll write a few more posts like this in the future but the one lesson I want to shine through this post is “know exactly what you want.” This has allowed me to get where I am today and will give me the courage in the future to make important decisions.