Q&A: What Should I Do If She Hasn’t Hooked?

Krauser had a post back in the day about Daygame being the “infinite experience machine” or something similar. Well the corollary to that is that it is also an infinite content generating machine… And that’s how we’re here today with another Q&A post from one of my students. I’m planning on writing a couple of these a week for the next four weeks and have the questions already but if there’s something you’d like answered then leave a comment, email me, DM me on Twitter, Tweet at me or accost me in the street and I’ll add it to my to-do list.

Sometimes I reach a point where I’ve been talking with the girl for a bit and she seems to enjoy it, but it doesn’t seem like I’ve reached hook point and then I sort of panic and try to close. Sometimes I get the number but it is always a flake. Are these just no girls and I simply fail to realize it?

I’ve experienced this tons of times and have heard the same story from many guys. It seems to be that the adrenaline jolt she gets from having a stranger talk to her can be the source of both a good set and false positives. Ask yourself: how many times have you approached a girl and the energy on the open is good but then it quickly fizzles out? Of course it could be because of something you did or said, or something your eyes betrayed, but it’s more likely that as that initial adrenaline bolt/burst of energy wears out, she realises that she’s not all that into you and/or has a boyfriend (real or imagined).

This issue is doubly present in Eastern Europe where some girls might only leave the conversation once you’ve overtly dismissed them. I’d never experienced that before until my first Jaunt where I saw it with my own lying eyes. It was a real eye opener.

So what should you do? You have a few options:

(1) Assume she’s hooked by the sheer fact she’s standing there and plough on with the conversation rather than rushing to a number close (this is in reference to the “panic” point that the question refers to). I tell students to always go into the set looking to find out these three pieces of information: where she’s from, what she’s doing right now and what she does for a living; so having that in your head gives you fodder to keep on talking. Once you’re through those three, then ask for her number. I think this option works best if you think she’s a shy and/or inexperienced girl who needs the guy to take control of the conversation and do most of the talking so that she can stay in set. The most important thing with this option is to stay calm.

(2) Try to spike her emotions through attraction material to bring her mood back up in the hope that she will then start investing in the conversation and hooking. This is my least favourite option because in 99% of cases you’re pushing against the line of most resistance and can easily come across as try-hard because you’re actively trying to impress her. Plus, her investing in the conversation is only a knock-on effect of her hooking and is something that usually happens 10 seconds to a minute after the fact. It’s not what you say but what you do and who you are which leads to her hooking; in my opinion this will come within the first 10 seconds. Of course there are cases where she will dither for a bit before settling down but these seem to be the exceptions rather than the rule.

I’m rambling here so I’ll summarise: she’ll hook inside 10 seconds and so if she’s still standing there after a minute then you can assume interest (but not necessarily availability). Don’t “sell past yes” in trying to get her energy way up again.

(3) Force the issue by asking her something like “do you have a boyfriend?” or “you know I’m hitting on you right?” This will be the case where most of the time she’ll say “yes” or will bring up the fact that she’s somehow unavailable. With this option it’s important to remember that your gut is usually correct and the fact that it doesn’t feel on is because it isn’t. I use this option the most when I get that “invisible wall” feeling between me and the girl where nothing seems to be sticking, she’s not allowing me to stand close and generally seems guarded – both physically with her hands crossing her body and verbally in not joining in with the conversation and not having a light and feminine tone or a husky sexual one. It might be a pick-up taboo to ask but I think you’re much better off saving the psychic energy for future girls and to leave the conversation on a positive note so that your vibe stays consistent. Of course, if she doesn’t mark herself out as unavailable then simply resort to option (1).

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

If you enjoyed this post and want to support me in making future content then please consider buying one of my books or hiring me for coaching. Follow me on Twitter for daily updates. Click on the links below to find out more. > Follow me on Twitter > Buy the best of Thomas Crown, Volume One > Buy my memoir > Buy my texting guide > Buy my textbook > Book a coaching call > Hire me for infield coaching in the UK (London, Manchester, Liverpool, Bristol, Birmingham and Edinburgh) and the rest of Europe (Prague, Warsaw and Belgrade)