Date Report: Petra Pansexual

1 – Background

I met a Romanian girl, let’s call her Petra, at the end of my Game holiday, so that would be three weeks ago. It was on Great Portland Street and she was on her way to class. She seemed quite rebellious: she was not enjoying her course and the fact that she still lived with her parents.

All throughout the set, she would meet my eye contact, then look down submissively.

Petra told me, though, that her usual fashion was more tomboyish. Obviously that was not good but since I was in set and it had gone well so far, I might as well go for the number. I used my standard close: “I think you’re pretty and want to take you out for a drink. Now would you like that?”, she thought to herself for a moment and said “yes”.

The problem was that the week after, she went on holiday for two weeks. We organised to meet up when she came back, but it was cancelled on the day and rescheduled for the following Saturday (yesterday).

2 – Planning

Dates: 1; the bubble had obviously burst and she was still planning on meeting me. Plus, I didn’t consider her high enough up my priorities list to actually scheme for two dates.

Aims: sex.

Venues: 2

Escalation: verbal in 1, and physical in 2

3 – Story

At the meeting time Petra sends me a text telling me that she has arrived… at Camden Town. I messaged back saying that something was lost in translation and that we were supposed to meet at Crown Plaza, so she hops on a train and comes to meet me which takes around 35 minutes (green light).

In the meantime I pop home to have a snack, before returning to the station and going into a pub opposite, where she arrives five minutes later. I already have an ice cold pint of Moretti in front of me, and she leaves her coat and bag while going to fetch her own drink. When she comes back to sit down she immediately sits right next to me, with our knees touching (strong amber).

The first thing she did was turn to me and say “how old are you?”. “How old do you think?”, I replied. She ummed and ahhed and came back with 23. “Nope, 25, and you?”. “18” (green light).

I weaved in a bit of comfort together with some light kino escalation: prodding and poking her, strong-arming her shoulder when I teased her, which all seemed to work well. In fact, she wasn’t shying away from it at all, so decided to include a tiny amount of physical escalation in the first venue, comparing hand sizes after we both learned that we played guitar.

When I told her that by being Romanian she was of course a vampire, she played along. I told her that she was Dracula’s granddaughter and asked to see her fangs, to which she gave me a big smile, showing off her teeth. “Just little fangs though”, I mused, “a vampire in training”. The issue would be that she would giggle and enjoy it, but then fall silent. I wouldn’t jump to fill the gaps. In fact, she would then fill the vacuum with something or other (strong amber light).

She would also often complain about living with her mum, and how she would leave home to go do stuff on a whim. She’d never known her father (green light). She was also still getting over a break-up (green light if it works in your favour).

The first issue of the evening reared its head when we were talking about films. We got onto sci-fi films, and then Star Wars, with her telling me that her favourite films were the prequel trilogy (red light!). “Why is that?”, I asked. “Blah blah blah but of course they have Natalie Portman and she’s great”, she replied (red light). At the time I thought that she just liked her as an actress.

I then proceeded into my verbal escalation, and I thought it was going okay. She didn’t shy away from the questions (amber light) but when I asked her what her type was, she said that personality was more important. That’s all par for the course and the usual response from girls so your job is to push forward and get a clearer answer from her. “Okay well then, if you could have a night of passion with one celebrity and only I would know, who would it be?”. “Cara Delevingne”, she replied (red light). That answer surprised me, but again I just thought she could be bi-sexual or just joking.

Another big issue came to light when I was looking at her Instagram. I always get girls to show me their Instagram accounts a) for sneaky pics afterwards to show friends, and b) to get her invest (I ask her to show me her favourite picture). In her bio it said “blah blah blah. Pansexual” (red light). At the time I didn’t know what it was properly, but deigned to google it in the bathroom later on.

After finishing our drinks we went down the street to a darker bar with sofas, where we sat right at the back with a couple of beers. I sent her to the back to get seats but they were still in the communal “friendly area” of the place, so when I came up to her I gestured for her to go further back. “You really like privacy”, she said, but didn’t object (amber light).

I started to escalate further physically, building up some momentum, but then she had to go to the bathroom. When she came back, I started up again. I asked if she had any tattoos and she didn’t, but she was planning on it (green light). Eventually I was looking at her piercings in her ear, and being close to her face, went for the kiss. She pulled back, which in and of itself is fine because I just went into the standard recovery loop, but then she says “it’s never going to happen”. She tells me that she’s a pansexual and not looking for a relationship. I don’t really know how to deal with the former, but for the latter I overcome it like any other shit-test (“easy tiger… Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I don’t like to plan ahead like that. It’s better to live in the moment, don’t you agree?”). Petra went on saying that she had just broken off an engagement, and it still felt like she would be cheating.

She said that she didn’t know people in London, and that right now she just wanted to have people around her who she could get drunk with. While she was saying this I was drinking my beer at double speed, desperate not to leave any un-drunk.

I gave her The Talk quite firmly, saying that I had given her complements based on her as a woman, that I didn’t have any female friends, and this was a date. “It’s not a date”, she defended herself. “It most certainly is a date”, I told her, leaving no wiggle room.

“I think you should go”, she said. “Damn! I wanted to say that!”, I thought to myself. I left.

N.B. this was the first official kiss attempt, but I’d been doing “drive by kisses” in the run up to it. Each time she would withdraw her head a little. 

4 – Conclusion

This experience cost £13 on drinks, and two hours of my time including thinking time for the texts, but more importantly what did I gain?

• If she responds to the celebrity sex question with a woman, it’s vital to press for more details
• Even more importantly, if you see some sort of sexual deviancy on any bio, press for details immediately even though it might seem rude
• Practically, next time in response to confirming the date over text tell her “It’s a date ;)”

I gave Dr. Victor a call and he made a good point: she’s clearly such a loon that it would be worth just interviewing her for twenty minutes to find out just how fucked up her mind is.

Should I have pushed forward treating it like a shit test? I don’t think so. I agree with Victor’s analysis that it would be fascinating to see all the logical contradictions that created such a situation, but I thought it a very low possibility of sex such that it wouldn’t be worth spending any more time trying to crack this particular egg.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown