20/30: Presence

Living in the future is probably the chief problem of Daygame sessions. When you’re thinking about the number of sets you have left to do, or the numbers you’ve already got, or even just where you’re heading to next, you’re being pulled out of the present. Too much forward thinking is pussy repellant, whereas focusing on the present allows you to spot more IOIs and be calm in set.

I’ve thought of three ways I try to stay present. I stumbled across them by doing them accidentally and then found that they improved my sessions.

Don’t pooh-pooh the mysticism stuff as wishy-washy, but then say “I just need practical tips”; the practical tips, such as the ones given here, all use that wishy-washy stuff as the conceptual foundation.

1. Pause, look around, and take a deep breath as you step into the street where you’ll begin your session. Check the time and give yourself a time limit before your first break.

This brings all your attention down to yourself and the environment. Notice how fast people are walking. Are you feeling high or low energy? Depending on your answer, will you allow yourself to go along busier or quieter routes today? Use that as your guide rather than “let’s go see what’s up in Covent Garden”.

It’s also important to set limits on the amount of time you’ll be out. If you want to do a certain number of sets, but they aren’t there, then you’ll drive yourself into the ground looking for them. When you don’t find them you’ll beat yourself up. Then you’ll open worse sets and chide yourself for doing so. In contrast, your watch provides limits which aren’t compliance based.

2. Identify where in your body you feel anxious.

It might only be a small amount, but it’s there. For me, it’s always in my diaphragm and my legs will feel a little hollow. Once you think about the feeling as having a physical location then you can start to disengage with it. Also I find it’s good to see how your eyes are feeling as they give you a good idea of how tired you are. If you do feel tired, don’t resist it, just close them and turn your face upwards for five seconds. Again once you engage with the feeling it begins to dissipate.

In contrast, if you have a good feeling, let it be. Feelings tend to run amok when left unaddressed, so let your good vibe go nuts. I’ve always found that my best moods creep up on me.

3. Write your sets down on your phone. Count them, and for each number write a description next to the set number including her name, tease, and time closed.

I’ve winged with lots of guys who have to stop and count how many sets they’ve done. But even if they’re keeping count with a train ticket, they’re still thinking about what to text their new leads. It’s dragging them all into the future and they are missing out on what’s going on now. By writing down the information you can then forget about it, because you trust the information will be there when you look after. You don’t have to keep a lot of information in your active memory this way.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown