21/30: Storytelling, In-set Calmness and Dominance

I’ve just been messaging someone about storytelling and said to him that “there’s less to it than is described”. I suppose to be more accurate, there’s less to it than you might think, and a little goes a long way.

When I started Daygame I was one of the many people who thought that you had to rouse the girl in each set with an epic DHV in order to win the hook point. Obviously, that was doomed from the start because I simply don’t have enough life experiences to draw on to tell that kind of story authentically. Then I thought that it would have to be some kind of flirtatious observation about the person, but that came across as creepy. It was too heavy-handed.

What both of the above directions suffered from, is that they missed the key points: the content of your words doesn’t matter much; most of your success in-set is dependent on a) how much the girl likes you naturally, b) how calm you are, and c) how you position yourself (frame-wise).

On content: there is no special DHV story which you can learn to magically get girls to hook. Any website not shilling the special DHV story has made the same statement as I have here; it’s not breaking news. The content only matters in little sparks. For example, I once saw a girl carrying a loaf of bread and commented that it was an interesting handbag. That’s a DHV for my creativity, which is attractive. It’s also a very rare opportunity; the bread-handbag opener is not going to take the world by storm!

So this presents a dilemma: there are so many launchpads for stories and you’ve probably not got the life experience to riff off of every one, but any results stemming from the same old beginner’s story occur in spite of it, not because of it. Someone emailed me ages back and basically said “I tell the Tom Torero “without any jeans” story but she doesn’t hook. What’s wrong?” I honestly wondered if it was trolling or not. If it was genuine, which I think it was because of our follow up discussion, and you are reading this post, please continue to do so.

I think the solution is to tell the most boring story possible, but make the delivery as fun as possible. This should avoid the “do you say that to every girl” reaction and is a better representation of what’s really going on (more later). Really, it changes storytelling into “playful tooling”. There’s the classic opener from Mastery: “oh you’re from X, I hear the girls there are very nice, cook well, and are all a little bit crazy.” You can read that to yourself in two seconds, but in real life, by rolling your words, adding pauses, and stopping to expand on each point, this could go on for up to a minute.

In-set, a minute can feel like a long time, and within that minute you should already know whether the girl is a No girl. So really then the aim is to stay as calm as possible. Just focusing on your breathing can be a massive help here. I think that you can only consciously focus on one thing at once; you control one thing in detail, and then other things run on autopilot. Speaking slowly will also calm yourself down because your body will lead your mind.

And why is this a better representation of what’s really going on? Girls will only let men they’re attracted to dominate them, and seduction is the slow process of dominating a woman’s mind and body. As you’re attempting to playfully tool them, you’re positioning yourself above them on the totem pole. Your broadcasting the fact that you’re allowed to do that. If they like you, they’ll let you do it. It doesn’t mean they’ll become simpering wrecks begging to suck your cock (straight away!); they’ll give you some kickback as well to see if you really are as dominant as you portray.

So if you approach, then offer the calmness and intent (which is delivered by the steady playful tooling), you’ll know where you stand. In most cases, if the girl is still there, she’s at least a Maybe. If she’s walked off, of course she’s a No, but it’s good to know that. Acquaintances don’t talk to each other in this way; imagine lecturing a new colleague for a minute on how the girls in their country act. She knows what’s going on when you do this.

And finally some troubleshooting: you’ve done a minute of tooling and she’s still there but is giving you little, perhaps nothing, or a bemused look. Offer your hand and try some kind of physical test. If there’s a distance between you, take a step in and see how she reacts. Obviously if she accepts that then she’s just shy or nervous. Otherwise, be willing to wish her well and walk off. This is something I’m guilty of, ploughing on in sets where I don’t think there’s any chance. Is still go for the close, but get rejected. The thing is, I’m beyond the beginner stage and don’t need to “always be closing”. There’s a loss inherent in chasing dead leads.

That was a bit of a ragged path to the conclusion but I think I got there in the end. These are three ideas which I’m sure are connected but I just haven’t done it elegantly yet.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

Disclaimer: as on my “Who is Thomas Crown?” page, I’m an executor not a creator. If you’ve read/seen this somewhere before then assume it was created by them and not me. Especially, the stepping in part at the end because I’m fairly sure that’s in Daygame Overkill. This website is designed primarily as a stream of consciousness to help me organise my ideas and/or generate narcissistic supply.