Questions

Somehow we’ve ended up here: with a post on questions. No, not a Q&A, but a literal technical post on asking questions in Daygame. This began as one of my (T)s for a lay report analysis post and I realised I had so much to say that it could be a post in its own right. These are the nuts and bolts behind what everybody should feel and know already. Unfortunately Daygame self-selects for people who are thirsty for posts such as these.

Let’s start by talking about value and the role that questions play in that. In a general sense asking questions is value taking – you want the girl to provide information – whereas making statements is value adding. Asking a girl “where are you from?” is asking a girl for information without providing any value first. Telling a girl “you look Spanish” is providing a small bit of value first, you are in effect investing in the conversation, but then expecting the girl to take up her side of the conversation considering the basic I-talk-you-talk etiquette. This creates a virtuous spiral wherein you both offer to invest in the conversation knowing that the other person will uphold their side of the bargain. This is also known as “blowing the bubble.”

This is why beginners are told to not ask questions before the hook point. The hook point signifies the moment where the girl feels that there’s enough value on offer, which you’ve freely provided, for her to take part in the virtuous spiral. If the beginner asks questions then he draws down on that value and is making a less tempting offer to the girl. And so the beginner is given a set of openers to use which are repeatable and widely applicable plus a couple of stacks so as to reach the hook point. Most of those girls who hook will like him just for him and for approaching in the first place rather than the lines he’s saying; mostly the lines train him out of bad habits. The largest effect that lines have is that the beginner can tell himself wow this Game thing really works! And so the Game Games him and baits him to invest. In my opinion beginner advice is designed to allow beginners to get over their AA in order to build reference experiences instead of the Jedi mind tricks that a lot of people believe them to be.

Then once the beginner graduates to intermediate Daygamer (and maybe one day even an advanced Daygame, however unlikely) he can free himself from that shackle and ask questions before the traditional hook point. This is because he has actually built some real value and isn’t relying on his training wheels anymore. In effect he offers more value earlier in the interaction and so can begin drawing down earlier.

How about in texting? We all know the feeler that every beginner is given: “Hello [name], random but nice to meet you today. Are you always so friendly to strangers?” The beginner already got the hook point on the street and so is told that attraction is already done; he’s free to ask questions and draw down on the value he created. The underlying reality, I think, is that the beginner needs to believe that the girl is going to respond to him and so he has to put that question in there. He doesn’t think she’d respond to a short statement of greeting because he doesn’t think that much of himself (yet).

Another reason why asking a question is optimal for beginners is because it filters for the rare Yes girls who will offer him more reference experiences. Asking a question is asking the girl to give of herself while offering less value in return. It’s a kind of IOI which tells the girl that he wants her to be part of the conversation and for things to progress, and girls who like you like it when you show them you like them.

Now let’s flip over to the intermediate/advanced where I think simple statements are better as ping texts. Something like “Hey [tease] name [emoticon which amplifies the tease]. Nice meeting you today.” Making a statement like that preserves value because it’s a lower investment for the Daygamer and a lower possible investment for her. It gives her room to maneuver: she can respond with “hey” five hours later (probably a dead end) or she can respond instantaneously with a long message including emoticons and questions of her own. Remember that everything that can be said about value and interest with regards to questions applies to her as well. By sending a short feeler ping you give yourself an opportunity to glean information about where the girl stands.

Another point about preserving value through statements over questions is that you can cover yourself. If it’s getting towards the end of the day or you can feel that a conversation is headed towards its natural conclusion you should start using pure statements. You don’t want to be the one left hanging overnight with a question out there as you’ll lose value in her eyes; she essentially has the conversation at her mercy. And so by making statements, there’s a plausible deniability to it: the conversation ended because there was no question, not because she didn’t want to reply.

Now unfortunately some girls out there don’t understand the dynamic of I-talk-you-talk and so you have to be obvious in prompting them to respond. I always admonish pursuing dead leads and/or endlessly sending resurrection pings, but I think there’s an allowance for following up after your feeler if you had a strong set (as long as it didn’t include a question in the first place). She might just be retarded and you have to give her a helping hand. Chances are it’s because she doesn’t like you enough and doesn’t want to lead you on by responding, but it’s worth a shot.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown