I continue the Q&A series today, with a focus on beginner related questions. You can check out the first part here. These are all questions from my coaching clients and so give you a taste of the ongoing value you get from hiring me.
What do you think is the most common reason for beginners not getting any results and giving up?
In one word: rejection. By definition, you’ll need to be rejected to not get results, but of course the future threat of rejection and the reminder of recent rejections is what causes guys to give up.
In Nightgame and Bar Game you can lean on alcohol to overcome your fear of rejection. In those environments you have the added benefit that the “mates going out for a laugh” fallback is always available, meaning that when you are rejected it’s “all just for fun anyway.” Plus, it will be somewhere typically darker and easier to “hide,” which means that your feeling of being watched is diminished.
Then there’s online where the method for escaping rejection is easy. By the time you actually end up talking to someone in real life a heavy filter has already been applied meaning the chances of in-person rejection are far lower.
Daygame doesn’t give you the crutch of alcohol and brings your rejection out into the broad daylight. The unfortunate truth is that most people aren’t designed to make it past the beginner stage, let alone start getting consistent results, and this kind of “genetics” is what Daygame will expose. Some guys are literally no-hopers and attempting Daygame makes them realise that. This includes those guys who could get laid in every other way except Daygame. Daygame simply offers such a brutal learning curve that you need to have a specific set of skills – especially resilience – to succeed.
What are good routines to establish to start a Daygame session and overcome approach anxiety?
I am a massive proponent of progressive overload, consistency and praising each small step. Altogether that creates compounding returns such that when you look back over the previous ten weeks you will see how far you have come.
I recommend that at the start of every Daygame session you give yourself a range for the number of sets you want to do. Having a range controls for the fact that you might not walk past enough girls to hit a specific target, but does encourage you to go for some of the higher-hanging fruit in order to get experience approaching. Plus you can take advantage of any days where you have a really good vibe.
For each session where you hit your target range, even if it is just the lower end of the range, give yourself a tick. That’s going to encourage you to be consistent. Outsource your decision making to your schedule so that you feel compelled to act.
Then there’s the progressive overload part: increase that range week to week by slowly increasing the lower and upper numbers. Do that until you hit 25-30 sets a week.
Lastly, praise every small step. If you are a complete beginner then even count asking for directions as an approach. But remember: progressive overload; in week one that’s okay, but later on you will need to start giving compliments and ejecting (hit and runs), asking for the number if it goes well, etc.
What frame do you have in-set?
While Daygaming I have a strong sense of self-amusement. If there’s a joke I want to say, I’ll say it, even if it is cringeworthy or otherwise silly. Part of the self-amusement is also the idea that I am going to rudely insert myself into the girl’s life and demand that she pay attention to me. It’s the mentality of someone who is self-referentially arrogant. If in the mid-2000s Kanye West made you laugh, you will know what I mean.
Many years of Daygame have taught me that only 10% of the results come from what you say (which is probably an overstatement) and the remainder from what you do. As an example, boring hairdresser questions are exactly that when asked from more than an arm’s length away. But when they’re asked within half an arm’s length away, it becomes all about the subtext: there’s a lot of sexual tension but you’re purposefully not referencing it, and instead talking about boring topics, which only amplifies that tension.
This feeds back into self-amusement because I am encouraging you to enjoy yourself first and foremost. The tension of what to say is a heavy weight for many guys and so by lifting that weight you will feel less anxiety.
What are the main benefits of Daygame compared to Social Media Game, Online Dating, Social Circle Game, etc?
The go-to answer here is the quality of girls that you can get from Daygame, and this has been corroborated by seemingly everyone who I’ve talked to on the subject. I think the main reason why is that it respects the entire seduction process, and doesn’t try to skip any steps e.g. online skips the approach/meeting stage, Nightgame tries to skip the messaging/intermission stage. Also, in Daygame, you can present nearly all aspects of your value at one time, rather than just parts of it as you do in other forms of Game. Lastly, there’s the amount of rejection you have to go through to get good, and in general things that are hard to do carry greater value when done competently.
Then there are other benefits such as your health (tonnes of walking), the social side (meeting guys who have gone through the layers of rejection and have proven themselves) and personal growth.
There is also the fact that in Daygame you create and take the value, rather than create a lot but only take a small percentage for yourself.
How much time would you dedicate per week to Daygame to get good (total time including texting, dating etc.)?
It’s tough to say for certain so we will have to spitball this one. Let’s assume a multiplier of five. If you can’t achieve that multiplier then you should lower your standards to the point where you can.
First of all is the Daygame itself: I recommend 25-30 sets a week for beginners/lower intermediates. At a rate of four sets an hour, 30 sets will take 7.5 hours.
30 sets and an approach to number ratio of five means you’ll take six numbers. Half of which won’t respond to your feeler so let’s ignore the time spent messaging them. That leaves three numbers and let’s say you spend half an hour thinking about what to respond and actually messaging each: that’s 1.5 hours.
Then there’s the dating. A number to date ratio of five means you’ll go on “0.6 dates” and let’s say that date is over two venues where you have one drink in each. Given she might be late, take a long time to finish her drink, you have to walk between venues, etc, we can say the date will be 2.5 hours.
So in total that is 7.5 + 1.5 + 2.5*0.6 = 10.5 hours. Doesn’t sound too much, right? Well then there’s more to consider.
How about travelling to the Daygame area? Maybe it takes you twenty minutes each way and you go out four times a week. Add that to the total. You should also be going to the gym to hit each muscle group twice a week for 10-20 hard sets. That’s about six hours a week in the gym. Add that as well. Then you might be reading Daygame textbooks, watching YouTube videos and reading other, related books which will give you more worldly knowledge and improve your charisma. Who knows how much that will add on. And how about if you’re above 15% bodyfat? Well then you should be cutting down to that level and technically you will always be thinking about being in a calorie deficit aka it will take all your time to get good at Daygame.
The overall lesson here is that those 10.5 hours of actual Daygame, texting and dating are just the tip of the iceberg. Daygame is a multi-year project where you change everything about yourself.
Yours unfaithfully,
Thomas Crown
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