What were your “aha” concepts/moments that moved your game from intermediate to advanced? or another way to put it, are there any commonalities you have noticed from coaching people at the intermediate/low intermediate that hold them back?
I got that question Rob and there are two parts to my answer.
The first is to do with the “aha” moments. First off, it’s important to say that these things take time. It wasn’t quite “aha” moments that caused the change but there were “aha” moments where I realised that the change had happened. Each set over the past five and a half years turned the dial ever so slightly in my favour. So really I’m saying you have to keep at it and trust that those sets are growing your Daygame muscle in the background without you even noticing it.
I think I noticed the changes the most when I camTe back from breaks from Game. In the past I’d take Christmas off as I was with my family. That would mean taking a three week break from Game. However, in the past two years, I’ve taken a proper hibernation. That meant having December, January and February off. When I came back from those breaks I could really see how far I’d come. We get better so slowly that we don’t notice it in the moment. We have to step away and come back before we can appreciate how far we’ve come.
A strong “aha” moment happened to me last year when I came back from a break. This will sound wishy-washy, but I suddenly knew that I was a cool guy. That I didn’t need to actively work to make a girl like me. That my words, behaviours and vibe were passively attractive.
The knock-on effect was that I could put more focus on where the girl was. That led to another “aha” moment: being able to spot the point where the girl goes from being undecided to liking me. Normally that would mean me spotting her playing with her hair or giving a specific kind of eye contact. Once I could accurately spot that moment, I could relax entirely, which I guess would contribute to her attraction too.
Lastly, I’d say I get an “aha” moment whenever I meet another competent Daygamer. I try to take the best of each Daygamer I meet and incorporate that within myself. Whether that’s a particular part of their charisma or something they do. I try to emulate them. Naturally as time has gone on I’ve had more and more opportunities to meet other Daygamers.
The second part of my answer is in regards to what holds most intermediates back. I guess each person has their own specific problems but normally it’s that the guy has exhausted all of the low hanging fruit and now needs to reach for the high hanging ones (I have a recent post on this topic; link here).
This is one of the themes of my upcoming book (out this Wednesday): you need to make a concerted effort to get better at Game; you can’t just hope that you will. This means methodically attacking your own weaknesses and eliminating all of the silly errors from your Game.
This goes all the way back to Daygame Mastery (link here) where Krauser talks about having a continual dedication to excellence. It seems that a lot of guys have more of a “continual dedication to getting by.” To be fair, for most guys this is great. It’s a lot more than they were getting pre-Game. But I truly believe that happiness is found in growth and that “getting by” eventually becomes unsatisfactory.
Yours unfaithfully,
Thomas Crown
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