I recently received this interesting question on Twitter via DM’s:
Hi Thomas. Got a question for your webpage.
I really enjoy the inner game aspects you discuss. I am curious of one thing. As an experienced daygamer who seems to have his shit together, what are you main inner game challenges/struggles at this moment?
One of the issues I face is covered in a previous post of mine called “Beyond Daygame Guilt” (link here). To summarise, it comes from doing a Daygame session and having the curse of knowing how a set is likely to go: you can see a fair few girls who are objectively attractive but you know that 99% of the time they’ll be a “no” because of the lack of signal you’re getting from them.
The problem is that that 1% can weigh on your mind and take you out of the moment, making you less present on the street and more caught up with worrying if you let an opportunity pass. Plus the cost of doing that one approach, even if it’s a “no,” is tiny. But… those costs can add up – and in fact there is a benefit in doing a few of these sets to spike your state and free you up for future approaches – so right now I’m trying to work out where the balance is.
Another Inner Game challenge for me right now is the pressure to perform (in Daygame, not the bedroom!). Pressure can be good in short bursts, for example if you’re on a trip and you feel pushed to squeeze every last opportunity out of your time away, but in the long run it can eat at you and lead you to make rash decisions while reaching for a lay.
If you put yourself out there and show a good track record then there’s an expectation that it will continue. Doubly so if you are a coach. But long term averages get mentioned for a reason in Daygame because results can often be quite clumpy, and a few weeks, a month or a couple of months’ good vibe might contribute a large % of your yearly lays.
I know this will sound conceited but I regularly return to one of my own posts called “Stoic Daygame” which deals with these ups and downs (link here; it’s also one of the extended chapters in Crash Queens). It reminds me to keep on going and that good times and bad times are natural.
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10 thoughts on “Q&A: What Are Your Main Inner Game Challenges/Struggles At The Moment?”
Great answer that resonates a lot with me.
For me all this gets magnified when on jaunts of length, say, a month.
Then I want to hit the streets pretty hard to maximize exposure to get a couple of lays.
But what I discovered was that after 1-2 weeks I got this somewhat empty feeling from focusing so intensely on daygame. Which of course would likely affect my vibe negatively and consequently the expected returns from each additional hour spent approaching would diminish.
I think it’s “simply” a matter of finding your own personal optimal point and figure out when it’s time for a minibreak.
This relates to what I think we agree on about chasing dead leads.
Dropping a dead lead marginally reduces the miniscule chance of sleeping with that particular lead (from 0.001% to 0%?) , but the consequential vibe improvement will instead increase the overall expected laycount for your remaining lifetime.
Can relate to the point about emptiness since I’m on a kind of perma-Jaunt in London. I try to square the circle by not doing too much Daygame: three or four sessions a week of two to three hours. Maybe one longer one each week if I have a wing. Similar to the dropping a dead lead point: sometimes less is more.
“you can see a fair few girls who are objectively attractive but you know that 99% of the time they’ll be a “no” because of the lack of signal you’re getting from them.”
Now imagine the mental angst if said girls were IOI’ing you at least once per session. I just learn to accept the grind of a 5-10% chance of getting with her isn’t worth the run around.
That’s the learning process though right: identifying the difference between an IOI and a girl simply glancing at you randomly
Yeah for sure. Those that shimmy their bodies and perk up, fix their hair (essentially trying to get your attention onto them) usually want to date someone and are single. There is a biological impulse.
Those that lock their eyes into you as you walk past typically, not always, have bf. Or stare at you from 20 meters.
This i totally disagree with. If a girl locks eyes with me that’s a strong IOI
And the BF? Why would she make him up?
Normally when I get such a strong signal there’s no boyfriend or she doesn’t mention one
That’s a fair comment.
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“The problem is that that 1% can weigh on your mind and take you out of the moment, making you less present on the street and more caught up with worrying if you let an opportunity pass. ”
Lately, I just blank them. It helps me focus on the girls I’ll have a higher probability of getting (open to lay) and not be sidetracked. Sounds strange but as I’m out 4 times a week the abundance is there (more ioi’s) so I don’t feel any guilt.