What Motivates Us?

This question has circulated my head a few times in the past year. Why do we try to get better at Daygame? Whether that’s improving ratios, higher quality or just sheer number of lays. What motivates us to get more than last year? What’s the source of that motivation?

To start with we have the obvious reasons to get better: either we aim to be more efficient and so we spend less time on the streets and on dates, which might be more productively spent elsewhere. Or we aim for higher quality for a more rewarding experience. Or we aim for more lays for a greater level of total pleasure. There’s extra motivation once you start blogging or go completely public as well: there’s a pressure to keep up appearances. Why should anyone listen to you anyway?

Our results improve over time up to 80% of our potential, at which point diminishing returns kicks in, or where we’re striving for the next great leap (i.e. part-time to full-time “hot guy”). Yet we keep on going even though we risk comfortable circumstances. Perhaps our current situation might even 10 times as good as the regular Joe’s and we still forge ahead; why is that? What motivates us to push onwards when the immediate risk/return payoff isn’t favourable? From the amount of rhetorical questions I’ve used so far you may be able to guess that I don’t have my answer fully sussed out yet, but I’ll give it a go. I think I’ve found my main driver.

Freud be praised: I think I can trace it back to my childhood. Readers of my book (plug!) will have read that my grandfather told me and my brother that we would “always be in competition.” That moment has stuck with me since. My relationship with my brother is how I set the standard for my interactions with all other men of my age: that of intense competition. Everyone in our family can see it. In fact at Christmas, I brought this point up and my mum tried to goad me by saying that my brother could always get me riled up.

Whenever he had something, I always wanted it too, and more! How does that relate to the present? When I see other Daygamers’ +1 tweets and texts it motivates me to get my own. When I see their ratios, I want to match and then beat them. And it’s always the ratios that I’m most concerned about, even though I accept logically that they’re just a construct: a number which has a low amount of bearing on my physiological feeling. Why ratios? Between me and my brother, I was considered the mathematical one and he was considered the artistic one. It’s natural that I’ve born that mechanism out into the way of Daygame: win parents love (symbolically) by outdoing other men using my area of expertise as the measuring stick for success. I can’t really let the numbers go, though I’m actually reducing the detail of the stats I keep (but not accuracy), because it’s all part of a coping mechanism which I needed during childhood.

I can see the argument coming my way: that’s external referencing. Being motivated isn’t a problem, of course, but what happens when I reach the top? Would I lose my motivation? I imagine then I’ll focus on some new task, whether it will be within Daygame (growing a business, theorising, etc.) or in a completely new subject. But until then I’ll always feel motivated to push onwards, even though my current situation is great and I’ve already achieved more than 99% of men have ever achieved in this field, and beyond. In fact it’s that pushing onwards that gives me vitality and spills out into everything I do. Vibe is contagious, after all, even within yourself.

What’s interesting is that this infernal drive that I have, is not common in others, and in fact it might be desired by others. I was out with Mr Rasputin a few weeks ago and we immediately spoke on this topic. He didn’t grow up with male siblings and was saying that he could have benefitted from having one because of the increased amount of competition in his life. We were discussing how it’s lead to him being more easygoing, and me more direct. For me, if there’s an opportunity, I strike. I suppose I’m subconsciously thinking if I don’t move now then someone else will, whereas he’s content to play the grey area for longer than me.

It bears thinking about how the gender and quantity of siblings affects our approach to Daygame. For someone with a brother, especially an older brother, and especially one who is only a couple of years older, they will probably be more like me. A guy who had multiple younger sisters, but was the only son, will probably have a more affable vibe and will naturally expect women to look up to him. For an only child: maybe high levels of entitlement (which is good for what we do).

That’s everything I can think of to say for now. To be honest, the more I think about it the more I see how it affects everything in my life. I recommend you look into this for yourself too.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

3 thoughts on “What Motivates Us?

  1. I think that most of us see getting laid like we do money – you can never have too much of it, at least not until you think you’ve had your ‘fair share of the pie’. That’s one of my motivations, along with a fair amount of hedonism.

    Good discussion on the role that family plays, it influences all of us heavily. I think the trick is to find the sweet spot of competing with others to improve yourself while not being so competitive that any defeat damages your ego heavily. My (relative) easygoingness is probably a kind of antidote to being outcome dependent, which helps me keep my vibe fairly consistent.


  2. An only child here: in my experience not having to fight or compete makes one lazy. If you grow up knowing every Christmas gift is for you, that your parents’ income, no matter or great or small, will be funneled directly toward your education or inheritance, you don’t have a lot of innate hustle and drive. Only children generally lack any sort of competition or need to fight for survival. Those dynamics — siblings, their gender, etc — are just one factor, of course, in determining one’s baseline hunger for pussy or simply to be better at anything. And that self-knowledge is vital. Good topic/blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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