Answering a Reader’s Question on Sexual Intent

I recently got the below email and thought it was a great excuse to make a post. Below is an extended version of the answer I provided by mail.

Hey Tom

I hope things are well with you and congratulations on 15% body fat. My reason for contact is to call on your experience once again to aid my progress in the players journey.

My daygame has been very successful during lockdown. But now London is getting back to normal I find myself slipping back into the daygame grind as to call it. I feel my game relies a lot on sexual intent and most of my lays have verbalised this by commenting that they knew what I wanted when I approached them.

My trouble lies is that very very few girls around London at the moment are lighting my fire. When I approach sets that don’t tickle my pickle (although they are attractive on paper) my energy is not the same and the girl can feel this. Thus is why the set very often ends badly.

I recently read on your blog you are going to up your number of sets… So my question is how do you motivate yourself to approach women that don’t light your fire. And where do you capture such energy needed to really make a sexual connection with a girl on the street that doesn’t result in a flake.

Regards

M

M has run into a problem most guys do in London if they have been Daygaming for enough time: the quality. Specifically how there are few girls who stoke his sexual intent. Now I don’t think London is terrible. We have the fact that the city is an international hub to thank what with the constant influx of students and tourists. The problem lies in wading through the masses to find the girl shaped needle in a haystack. This is the context which leads to a lot of guys opening anything seven and above in London since they need to take as many shots on goal as they can. It’s not like walking around a city where you can cherry pick your sets, approach only seven and above and still do ten a day easily.

So I can understand where sexual intent becomes a problem. First I’ll look at how to help with that and some strategies which keeps me fired up to approach. Then I’ll counter that by asking “does it matter anyway?”

First, if you don’t feel horny enough then try cutting masturbation down to once a week and cut out porn entirely. Porn messes with your brain and your attraction (to her) won’t fire properly. Porn offers a series of increasing dopamine hits which will put you completely out of whack. When it comes to masturbation try once a week or twice if that’s not enough, or in case of blue ball emergencies.

Now from a Daygame perspective, it excites me to use a skillset. Excitement feeds a good vibe feeds sexual intent, in my opinion. I use the approach indicators from my previous post and so it becomes a challenge of trying to pick the best set every half an hour. That keeps me engaged and pushes me into sets I wouldn’t have done before. That’s not to say I am now scraping the barrel of quality: in the past I would have let sevens go because they weren’t giving me enough signal.

There’s also the fact that in you approaching you start to invest. This is what we try to do with girls: use tools like vacuuming to get her to fill the space. Then she begins to invest and it snowballs her interest. I believe that we as men fall for this too and so by starting with a little investment on our side we can actually come to find the girls more attractive. We invest by using the skillset and actively looking for girls and approaching them.

How does that work? I think that we mentally exclude different girls because they aren’t giving us enough signal to approach. Since we think that we won’t do as well with these girls then we start to mentally downgrade them whereas in reality they are perfectly good sets. If London doesn’t include enough girls that turn you on to a high degree immediately then perhaps we can manufacture some of that. This can lead to you building reference experiences and begin to build more positive expectations of certain types of girls. You go in with a better vibe which gets a good reaction from them, and now that we see the girl as being higher probability we invest and become more sexually interested. The girl overtly interprets our come ons and teases in a sexual way and this adds spice to the set. But note I’m not advising you to start spamming. You’re still carefully picking your sets but now the criteria includes a sliding scale of signal to accept before approaching.

Now onto the second section: why approach girls at all unless they “tickle [your] pickle,” as you put it?

It’s a good question and it’s something which I practiced for a couple of years. I gradually eliminated the No girls from the equation and only approached when I really wanted to, whether that was because there was a suspiciously high chance of a lay or if the girl was particularly hot. But that meant letting girls go who I would have been happy to notch, though the experience would have been forgettable.

I think the problem comes in when we want, or expect, a certain level of results from Game and we’re not getting them. A peculiar situation arises whereby someone who starts Daygame with decent SMV has a great vibe: they feel free in approaching and quite often euphoric. That combination of good SMV and vibe leads to great results and hence a higher than baseline set of expectations. I experienced this myself. The issue comes in once that initial burst of enthusiasm wears off.

I think we get that enthusiasm back, to an extent, when we come back from a break, which is something most of us experienced post-lockdown. Our hormones went to a lower level of expectation and so when we shock them with Daygame again it appears a lot more exciting.

Once the enthusiasm leaves again we’re back to Game being a pure value equation. Now of course there are no mathematical sums done in anyone’s mind but each girl is going to have to take a rough estimate of herself and of you and see if you satisfy her hypergamy in some way. So give or take some days of fantastic vibe you’re going to need to increase that baseline and improve your own SMV. Unfortunately that’s a long hard slog unless you’re starting off in a very bad way where some easy gains exist.

But can’t last forever. Your results cannot improve forever. There’s a potential SMV which we can all hit and going beyond that is impossible. So really it becomes a ticking clock to where you need to accept your results as the best you can get and ensure that Daygame is something which contributes positively to your life. Some guys are simply hornier than others and this appears to contribute positively to results. Some guys start at a higher SMV and can extend theirs further.

I hope that helps.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown