“So What Do You Do?”

Recently when girls have been asking me “so what do you do?” I’ve been telling them my job as if I’ve already become a full-time coach. Obviously I don’t say “I’m a Daygame coach” or anything that mentions pick-up, instead I’ve been saying that I’m a “personal coach” who “helps people to improve their public speaking and personal effective skills;” something like that. Typically girls are impressed by me starting my own business and are envious of my ability to control my own schedule.

The impact has been immediate and noteworthy. When a girl used to look at me, with my rings and chains and overall style, and then I said I had a corporate job, I could tell that something didn’t fit in her head. I reckoned that she either thought I was lying about the corporate job or that I was putting on a show by dressing and acting the way I did (likely the latter). Now, when I say what my job is (going to be) then she normally looks me up and down, and nods as if to say “yes that makes sense.”

It’s another example of why congruency is such an important thing. When everything adds up in her mind then it’s easy for her to accept out of the ordinary behaviour such as a street approach. She never has to ask you “do you do this all the time” because she knows beyond doubt that it’s normal for you. I recently had a conversation with a coaching client where we talked about this shit test and I wanted to highlight that it is exactly that: a shit test, and you only get tested when your value is in question, or if there are incongruencies in what you’re presenting. It’s actually a good thing for her to think you do this all the time (successfully) because it flips more attraction switches and shows you know what you’re doing.

How can you apply this to yourself then? First, if you’re going to go all-in on the style component of Daygame then it’s worth considering how that lines up with your job. As a man, your job goes a long way to define you, and so you want that to line up with what you’re presenting to the girl. If there’s a mismatch then you have to accept the risk that it is going to jar with some girls.

It’s also very important that when a girl asks what you do you focus on the parts of your job which are relatable to her. As I discussed with the same client, passive income might be interesting to other Daygamers but not to girls! When I used to talk about my corporate job then I might focus on mainly supervising other people, which gives me the freedom to relax and only need to jump in to put out fires.

Lastly, most people’s jobs involve a long list of different tasks which can’t easily be described. Therefore, pick the main thing that you do, and try to write a one sentence description of that thing. You are, naturally, going to have to skip out describing a lot of what you do but remember that the girl doesn’t really care. She is mainly asking because of politeness and because it is something people naturally ask each other upon meeting. That or she has limited English but wants to continue talking to you and this happens to be a question she knows how to ask.

Giving a dumbed down answer can be troublesome for a lot of Daygamers since they come from a scientific background and find a surface level answer to this question to feel unsatisfactory. It’s almost as if they are lying about what they do because it doesn’t explain the whole thing. Just remind yourself, she doesn’t care what you do, she only cares (subconsciously) as to whether it fits with her sexual strategy. A K-select will be more interested that you have a stable, well-paying job where you supervise multiple people; an r-select will be more interested in you having the freedom to make your own schedule and find time to relax and enjoy life.

Once you have your one sentence summary of what you do, then make a list of relatable themes which flip the classic attraction switches and try to fit these into your answer as another sentence or two (meaning your full answer to this question is two or three sentences long and for which you can sound enthusiastic). You can think of two or three themes which would appeal to an r-selected girl and two or three for a K-selected girl, and you can then keep these in your back pocket for when you need them.

The last thing to do is avoid trying to be the funny guy. Oftentimes when Daygamers get together they tell each other what their answer is to this question, as if it’s the business card scene from American Psycho, with each answer being more cringeworthy than the last. Remember, you are getting laid in spite of these crappy one liners and not because of them.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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