My Top Ten Lessons From 2021 Daygame

When it comes to Daygame itself, I think that to get better results you either have to approach more or be more efficient (keeping other parts of your SMV constant). I think that most guys will find it very hard to increase the amount they approach each year, that is unless they are only doing one or two sessions a week and could make that three or four. When it comes to how many sets you do during a session then you’re going to be constricted by the girls in your city and your own energy levels. Trying to approach more than you are used to is like walking faster than your natural pace: it feels weird and you have to actively work to keep it up. And even if you succeed in approaching more today, you’ll probably just approach less tomorrow or next week to make up for it. Altogether that has led me to believe that improving efficiency is an intermediate/advanced Daygamer’s best way forward.

Throughout this year I’ve been keeping track of where I’ve been going wrong. I started by making a little note on my phone each time I did something I knew I shouldn’t have. After two months I wrote those notes down on paper as little rules to follow going forward. Then after another two months I would have a bunch more notes to add to the list, and I got to strike off the ones which I had stopped doing. Today I am going to go through my top ten lessons from 2021.

Eat a snack about an hour before each session

I found that if I didn’t eat something before my session then after an hour or so my energy would start to lag. This would be compounded if it was a quiet day and so without that energy and without any good sets buoying my vibe I would get into “walking mode” where I was simply going through the motions without any intent to open. That’s not to say that eating something would magically make my approach rate increase, moreso that it would reduce some of the lethargy I’d feel when considering whether to approach a 50/50 set. Typically my snack would be something small like fruit, a protein bar or a latte (decaf if it was an evening session). Think of it as if it were a pre-workout snack you ate before going to the gym: something to give you a little boost of energy but not weigh you down.

If I haven’t approached inside the first 30 minutes then I have to approach the next passable set I see

This was a similar rule to the above, which helped to reduce my approach lethargy. Everyone has said “first one’s the worst one” just to get themselves over the hump of the first approach, but I let that saying go by the wayside as I went looking for more signal before approaching. This wouldn’t have had a big impact on the number of sets I did this year as there were certainly less than 10 sessions where I didn’t approach at all, but it’s the knock-on effects where the benefits lie. If I say “fuck it” and get that first approach done then I’ll get a shot of adrenaline in my body and then when I see more 50/50 sets later on I’ll be more inclined to flip the stone.

(I acknowledge that I started this post by saying that I think it’s better to go after higher efficiency and that the first two lessons relate to approaching more, but for me these exist in a somewhat grey area and are closer to rules that help me enjoy the Daygame process rather than simply approaching more. I don’t like walking around with low energy and I don’t like going home without having done one set, even if it was a completely throwaway one).

Try not to use a direct compliment

This was a challenge I set myself because I wanted to move away from doing any more structured verbal approaches e.g. “Excuse me… can I say something quickly…. I thought you looked nice… What I noticed was… etc.” I think that skipping that stage altogether gives a 1% improvement but I wanted to challenge myself with it. The benefits are that it doesn’t set off any alarm bells if the girl has been approached before by a Daygamer using the same script and the whole thing comes off more natural. It also leads to quicker sets where the girl isn’t interested because you don’t buy any time by using a flattering compliment. The downsides are that you have to be more creative and don’t get the extra five seconds to think of what to say. It also means that the frame is set entirely by your vibe and non-verbals.

Don’t do sets just because your wing pointed her out

In the same way that I don’t want to finish a session without having approached, I also don’t like going home knowing that I did a bunch of sets which I didn’t really want to do. This would mainly happen when I was with a wing who would point a girl out and say that she looked good. That would put me in a bind: I didn’t really feel that I wanted to do that set, but I didn’t want to let a potential set go by and look bad in my wing’s eyes. To counter that I did one of the old, cheesy self-help things: gave myself permission to not do it.

Don’t use sexual spikes over texting before the first date

Though I only suffered from this a couple of times this year I was kicking myself for doing so because I thought that the girls were high probability prospects. Really I just got over eager and thought I could accelerate her buying temperature so that it was a first date shoe-in. In reality, rather than trying to get her heated up, I could have just got her more excited for the date by using more surreal and silly humour.

Don’t use another Daygamer’s texting lines

Though I didn’t use my friend’s messages wholesale, there was a point where I was trying too hard to copy their style. It’s not good to copy other people’s messages word for word because it will come across as incongruent later on. There’s also the fact that the girls they connect with (this friend was mainly using dating apps) are suited for them and so are pre-selected for responding better to their style. It’s better to just take the structure of what the other guy is doing and then fill it in with your own words. There’s also a little self-protection strategy here in that if you send your own style of messages, but then the lead falls apart, then you know you did your best. If you use someone else’s style and it falls apart then you’ll be kicking yourself for not going with your instincts.

If she comes out on a second date, assume that the lay is on

This year was the first where I had a few lays where I didn’t kiss them on the first date, but then banged them on the second. It taught me, once and for all, that it doesn’t really matter what happens on the first date as long as you get your intent out there. This is especially true for a place like London where sex is expected in relatively short order (by the third date max). One way that I got my mind around this was to ask myself: if you can go on a first date and have sex, without having progressed escalation on her before, then why can’t you go on a second date and do the same? Another way I explained this to myself was to think of the first date as being the “comfort date,” where she made sure I wasn’t a weirdo and that the second date would go from 0 to 100. All in all escalation doesn’t have to either come all on the first date, or spaced out evenly over three.

Ease off and sit back over the first drink/coffee on each date

This was something where I had let my standards slip. It’s something I used to do all the time but then wanted to start escalating faster and earlier in the date. I realised I need to reintroduce the period of being “off” so that the girl didn’t think I was a pussy-hound.

Go through the motions with Yes girls

This is related to the last lesson but it was a reminder that if you’ve got a Yes girl then the main thing is to not raise their ASD. Rather than escalating fast on them, simply go through the two venues and have the two drinks and tick off all the boxes. Though I think this only bit me once this year, it was with a girl who I thought should have been a shoe-in, until I acted too cockily and escalated too fast without concern for her ASD.

If you’re not going to get the lay tonight, one kiss is enough

Another one related to ASD: don’t overdo the PDA: I think that one kiss to cement the fact that you’re mutually attracted is enough, and one before saying goodbye. The added benefit is that it displays to her that you’re not a pussy-hound (again) and that you understand plausible deniability and a girl’s social standing.

I hope this post helped. You can do something similar in the new year and all it really takes is for you to write down some sentences in your phone’s note app. One thing that it has helped me to do, as well as practically, is to recognise where my meta-level sticking points are: moving too fast and not sticking to my own style.

Yours unfaithfully,

Thomas Crown

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