I just finished reading the core of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. In terms of whether I’d recommend reading it or not, I’d give it a five or a six out of ten. The author just rubbed me up the wrong way and I’d much rather have read a condensed version of the book. I think it’s because his style reminds me of the way corporations state their values and how they have their mission statements; it just has a grossness factor for me. Also, I would guess that a common criticism from the manosphere is that the book is trying to teach “men to just be more like women” considering it’s focus on empathic listening and feelings. However, there are some useful lessons for us within, and I can summarise them for you today.
1. Be proactive
In Daygame, it’s vital that you’re proactive. You have to go out there and make things happen. But Covey doesn’t mean to be proactive in the action-sense, he means that you get to choose how you react to things. As a sidenote this is one thing that irritated me about the book: the fact that Covey often tries to redefine terms such that by the end of the book half the words in each sentence have been defined by him (and yes I get the irony that this is a blog about Game, which also does that).
So if a girl says or does something, you don’t have to react; you choose what to do and don’t follow your (beta) instincts. In the long run you can become more stoic. One thing I’ve found that helps with this is to take a cold shower each morning. I do all my usual routine with hot water but then change it to the coldest it can go for the final 15 seconds or so. Scott Carney calls this “the wedge” and it’s the idea that you can drive a wedge between the action and your reaction. So rather than just starting to panic and shiver, your body quickly acclimatises to the change in temperature. You can then carry this “wedge” into the rest of your day.
2. Begin with the end in mind
This is very important for those romantic Daygamers out there, who take 10 steps from A to B rather than five. They fluff around with texting and don’t get to the point. They complain about girls dropping off the hook because they were too nice during dates (but they had “great conversations” though!). You should work out exactly what you want from Daygame and then take steps to go out and get it. If you’re interested in amassing lays (like me) then I’d recommend shortening your sets, moving quickly towards date invites once you sense investment, and removing inefficiencies from the process. Remember the adage that “knowledge is to add, wisdom is to take away.”
3. Put first things first
In Daygame, most things flow downhill. It goes SMV -> Daygame -> Texting -> Dating, so if you think you have a specific problem with your Game then always start at the top then work your way down, when trying to work out what to do. The marginal benefit of changes at the top of the flow is often larger than those at the end, with an exception that there are changes that you could make to your dating which are probably more important than your texting.
One concept that Covey came up with in his book, which I really liked, was the quadrant of activities:
Quadrant two is the place you want to be, and by investing time here you save yourself time later on. For us, that would be building our SMV: working on our looks, status and charisma (plus vibe), so that there’s more quality flowing downhill.
4. Think win/win
Everyone has heard this already: “leave her better than you found her.” Now it might not be true that you’ll leave a girl better than you found her if you ghost straight after the lay, but the point is this: enjoy yourself. If you enjoy yourself, then she will too. Don’t try to push through IODs because someone told you to “always plow, always go for the number, always be closing!” Covey says that the best kind of dynamic is “win/win or no deal.” In our context, that would mean creating an experience that both parties enjoy, but if one party isn’t willing, then fair enough, no harm no foul. One-more-thing-before-you-go and walk-and-talk are, 99% of the time, not win/win.
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
This leads on to what I was saying about IODs. If you can understand female nature, then you’ve got a greater chance of her opening the door and allowing you to proceed to the next level.
This relates to having good wings as much as anything else. I recommend finding a few wings who you enjoy Daygaming with and sticking to them. If you wing with too many guys then you’re just not going to be as good friends as you could be, and that’s probably the defining feature of a good wing-ship.
7. Sharpen the saw
Covey’s last habit – sharpen the saw – is all about working on yourself. Specifically, for us, I’d say that this is about keeping our SMVs high. Daygame draws down on your value: if you spend all your time approaching your vibe will empty out; if you spend all your time drinking, your health will empty out. You get the point. In Daygame Mastery there’s that section about being anabolic and catabolic, and I think it’s the section that the crazy-eyed Daygamers on Oxford Street need to read the most.
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