Okay, I had to write this post because the incident itself left me so annoyed. The story comes from a student of mine and I absolutely had to turn this into a post because the learning opportunities were so present and obvious. This is an intermediate, maybe lower intermediate, problem, by the way: not knowing when to turn the Game off, and just be a “normal person.” When I say normal person, I don’t mean like a chode; moreso someone who simply does normal things. Let’s get on with it.
The student – Mr J – had a lead which he described as being reasonably “K-selected.” He lives in an Anglosphere country, mind you, so even a K girl is still going to be a bit more up for it than if she was Russian or Ukrainian, say, just because of societal influence. Anyway, they had gone on a first date and he wasn’t able to kiss her. They got back to texting and he overly sexualised his messages – lesson one: it’s vanishingly rare that you should sexualise messages such that you should practically never do it – and it looked like he’d turned her off.
Out of nowhere, the next day, she responded to his suggestive message. Not playing along with it in a sexual way, true, but the fact she responded was important. Then about an hour later she literally asked him out for Friday night. We both agreed it looked very on.
They went for a walk and kissed for the first time, then she suggested they watch a movie at his place. Very on indeed, it would seem… They went back, he escalated but found she wouldn’t put out. He decided that it wasn’t going to happen that night so they finished watching the movie and she ordered an uber. She then asked him to walk her downstairs to the car and he said no. She pressed him saying it was “gentlemanly” and he continued to refuse. They went at this for a bit before he relented to which she said she “[didn’t] want [it] anymore anyway.” He then kicked her out and slammed the door behind her.
Obviously on hearing this I was facepalming so hard I broke my wrist. He burned the lead and all because he wouldn’t take her downstairs to her Uber. This is part of what I messaged to him upon hearing the story:
Yeah you made a huge mistake in not taking her downstairs to her Uber. That would have taken you, what, five minutes max? You made it seem to her like you’re being a bratty child who’s now throwing the toys out of the pram because he didn’t get what he wanted.
You ought to be pissed at yourself. You fucked this up and it’s exactly what we talked about [yesterday on a phone call]
You need to ask yourself whether you acted this way because you really, truly felt that way, or if you were just trying to “hold the frame.”
He basically showed her that he didn’t care about her at all; only for sex. “But isn’t that what we want anyway?” you might ask. Well, yes, but not openly stating that is part of The Game. There’s a reason why the Apocalypse Opener doesn’t work: because it leaves absolutely no grey area. Similarly: a girl might really want to just have sex – only sex, no relationship – but if you tell her there is absolutely not a popsicle’s chance in hell of a relationship happening then in 99.99% of times then she won’t go through with it. It’s the plausible deniability that the possibility, however slight, of a relationship represents that gets a lot of girls over the finishing line.
It really does pay to sit down and think about the advantages and disadvantages of being both a man and a woman. For women you might say “oh they have it so easy; they can get sex whenever they want.” True, but it wouldn’t be with the kind of guy that they’d like. They are also the passive sex and so they have to wait for the man to come to them. I’m not advising you to become one of those soppy “you just have to love women,” teary eyed exponents, but you can at least logically understand why they act as they do and work with it. For example, if you were going to buy a bar of chocolate for a friend who had a nut analogy then you wouldn’t get them a snickers and demand that they ate it because you bought it for them. You wouldn’t start crying at how awful their life must be but you would buy them something they could actually eat.
This story also shows a very poor handling of female nature. I say handling rather than knowledge because I think that most guys logically know what women are like but when it actually happens to them they are still reactive. Remember that the best way to deal with girls being annoying – read non-compliant – is to simply say “Okay” and let her actions run their course. Remember that she shows you this side of her personality because it’s part of feminine nature. I think that girls will sometimes act like silly children because they want to test exactly how you would act with children yourself.
And look, if a girl does something that crosses your boundaries then you can simply ghost her. You should value yourself highly enough that you consider a removal of your attention to be a terrible punishment. You might not believe that at first, but if you practise it often enough you will believe it to be true: the power of auto-suggestion / reality weaving / fake it ‘til you make it.
In all likelihood if he’d taken her downstairs, let the bubble burst and then tried re-blowing it the next day, that she would make The Switch. I remember that in Mystery Method it says that each time a girl says “No” and you’re okay with it it builds comfort and attraction because she feels safe and knows that you live in abundance. An analogy I was saying to a wing recently was:
Imagine you went to Pret and they said that their coffee machines had stopped working. You wouldn’t rage at them and demand you be served a coffee: “IT HAS TO BE FROM THIS PRET!” Instead you’d shrug your shoulders and go down the street to another Pret to get one.
In practice you have to initially bite your tongue, say “okay” and let it wash over you. That’s logically knowing what to do. Then over time as you see it’s the most effective way of dealing with women you emotionally learn that it’s the right thing to do. Then when you say “okay” you mean it fully.
Counterpoint: most guys don’t live in a place of abundance. There is no “Pret just down the street” for them to move onto. It’s more like a Pret a few weeks, if not months, away. But even in that case, you should still simply say “okay” and move on, because it’s best practice. You want to drill correct behaviour otherwise the needle won’t move at all.
Another thing to focus on in this story is the balance between hard and soft dominance. If you want to know more about them, then Google it.
Most guys who come into the community lack hard dominance. They are chronic “nice guys,” and not the good kind of nice. They bought into the Blue Pill ideal of working hard to create something which they could share with a woman, who in return would love and have sex with them. This means that beginners need to swing the other way: learn how to “act alpha” in the cliche sense. The problem is that eventually they obtain too much of the “my way or the highway” attitude.
They forget to use soft dominance as well as hard so that the girl enjoys going for the ride and feels comfortable and understood. Obviously this comes with a disclaimer: you shouldn’t bend over backwards for them, for example, and most certainly not compromise your principles and boundaries. But it is okay to make some allowances for a woman, and, shocker, do something for someone else purely for their enjoyment/benefit. One way to know when to practice soft dominance is to ask yourself “what would a normal person do?”
I hope that all helps.
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3 thoughts on “Intermediate Problems: Student Case Study”
good points, u shuld check out chateau heartistes post on ‘caring vs non caring’ assholes. it fixed this for me.
(accidentally left this comment on the wrong post).
whats ur opinion on double texting wen pursuing a date – hard no, or sometimes ok?